A Part of My Heart Stayed Behind

This past weekend, I embarked on a journey that would seem to be fraught with emotion. The thing is, it wasn't. I felt a wide range of emotions, but mostly a profound sense of nostalgia. I packed up my vehicle for a 7-8 hour trip to take one of my most precious possessions, my firstborn, mini-me, to begin her college career. She aspires to be a female Anthony Bourdain--her words not mine. In actuality, her plans include  becoming a chef, restaurateur, food blogger, and world class traveler who eats and critiques her  way through  as many countries  as she can. 

All I kept thinking is that this newly minted adult would be on her own making life choices and decisions without me  intervening. Don't mis-read this....I  am not a hover mother but I am an involved opinionated parent. In my mind, my daughter would always be the wide-eyed baby that came out of the womb looking around, with a sense of wisdom and wonder. She has transformed into a lovely young lady. She's intelligent, tenacious, and also opinionated. I have prepared her to soar. I have instilled prayer, integrity and high values in her.  Now it's her time. There will be ups and downs, trials and tribulations, triumphs and failures but she knows  that in most cases, there can be do-overs and makeovers, there are plan Bs,Cs,...and Zs. More importantly, she is keenly aware that she has me and a huge support system that will get her through any life issue or crisis. She knows that though she may disappoint at times, she is loved  unconditionally and that our support is unwavering. 

Times have changed since I was a college student  bright with promise. Things are definitely more liberal. Yet I have prayed and cried and cried and prayed over this child. I think she will hold fast to her convictions and will not be easily swayed y her peers. I pray she makes wise choices and does the right thing. These four years are going to really shape the person she will ultimately become. Her choices in life are not a reflection of how well  I did or did  not parent. 

No matter what choices may come and what reservations or fears that I may have, I know without a shadow of a doubt that God has written EVERY one of her days and while I may not  be there, He is ALWAYS there.  It's time for her to completely trust Him to guide her through all of her days and give her wisdom when she faces challenges. It's time for  me to  relinquish the control I had over  His child-ever thankful that He trusted her to me for these past 17 years. It's time for me  to watch my baby really grow and soar to new heights. I am happy and excited, sad, and waiting in anticipation. While the parting was bittersweet, it was necessary. So there were no tears, just huge hugs and joy(and possibly pain) of the days to come as I left a big part of my heart in Providence, RI.

In Diva Love,

Pam

Double Duty Cuties

Yesterday was Father's Day. A day we celebrate the men who contribute to a child coming into the world.  As I perused Facebook, it made my heart glad to see the number of fathers actively involved in the lives of their children.  That's a beautiful thing. It's also the right thing.  Fathers should be actively involved  in their childrens' lives-physically, emotionally, and financially.As I continued to peruse social media, I also saw various postings about mothers who wanted to be celebrated in the absence of the father, and postings about  how those women are not fathers.  Don't we just love social media.

As a child, I was raised by a single mother who did a damn good job, I can clearly state, she was not my father, nor was she a father figure. My father wasn't absent but he was barely active. So while I knew that I was very loved  by him, he failed to show me the things daughters need their fathers to show them. I am thankful that  I had a grandfather who filled a lot of that void.God always gives you what you need.

The bottom line is this. Single parenting is not a new thing. Most mothers will do what they need to do for their children, especially in the absence of  a father. A good mother will not bad mouth the father to their kids. They don't have to, because eventually they will see what kind of man he is and whether or not he has any character. Children don't need presents, they need his presence. I don't agree with or condone women who don't  allow men to interact with their children because he isn't paying child support. What I do loathe is a father who has access and opportunity to his children and fails to take full advantage that opportunity. Those trifling men do exist. Sadly, they lose out on a chance to impact their children's lives in  great ways and small. 

Women are nurturers by nature and for, that reason, they will  always try to fill a void. Women often have to do double duty for their children in the absence of the father and I know it is not easy. Some men put the women in that position, others make the choice unwisely. God is the Ultimate Father and refers to himself in the male gender. Women are not males thus no Father's Day celebration for you. You deserve praise for holding it down and handling your business (and his). Mother's Day is for you. Your kids will eventually recognize the sacrifices  you made and  the  hard work it took to  do everything to make their  lives as  normal and  successful as  possible. Be content with the fact that you are a double duty cutie. Just as God provides, He sees all and knows all. He specifically knows what you can handle and with prayer and probably a little help from friends,  you and your children will be all right. 

I end  with this quote from Jan Ambu: Being a father is a choice, Staying true to fatherhood is a   
duty. 

In Diva Love,

Pam

Just the Emotions

In six days, my oldest child will graduate from high school. While she has had Senioritus, pretty much all year, her excitement level has reached a whole new level. For me, it's bittersweet. Since my blog is my therapy, I just need to express the range of emotions that I am feeling today. 

I am proud of the woman she's becoming. I am anticipating the impact that she will have on her piece of the world. I am reluctant to turn my firstborn loose. I have prepared her well but life still has away of issuing out tough experiences. I am happy to see that she is independent, strong, full of passion with just the right amount of cynicism. I am saddened  by how quickly time flies. I am losing a person that I have shaped and molded for the past 17 years, a TV/Netflix watching buddy, an eating/sleeping machine, and an incredible ball of moody/hormonal energy.  This Fall,my house will significantly quieter but as she is learning who she is, I will be learning to define myself  in her absence. Stay tuned for  the progression. It's time to watch the Cavs whip the Warriors. Peace!


In Diva Love,

Pam

Diva Dialogue-June, 2012

Well, I felt like it had been a while since I posted. I actually forgot that I posted on my birthday. June has been a busy month. I am so thankful to report that my lovely wise grandmother celebrated her 98th birthday. We have good genes and yes most of my family could be poster children for a "Black don't crack" ad. I feel incredibly blessed.

Yesterday we celebrated the men who responsibly care for and nurture their children. Hope that each of you had a Happy Father's Day. If you have a child and you aren't investing for whatever reason, today is a day you can make a decision to change that. Your child needs you. Trust me, you don't want them to seek acceptance, approval, or affirmation from outside influences. Love doesn't have to be predicated on money. Your time and investment are what is important.

It is now official. I no longer have any children in elementary school. Yippee! I am kind of bittersweet but it is great to be moving on. My son is beyond ready. He has been well prepared. I have seen him grow and mature in many ways. It is weird to watch him grow up. He's opinionated, and very matter of fact. it is his developing sense of humor that trips me out the most. He is going to drive some poor woman crazy one day. LOL!

My summer is pretty much planned out. I am not used to that but hey, it is what it is. There are good things happening. My sister is going to have a baby girl! I love shopping for girls so much better than boys. I am apparently going to miss all the baby showers. My cousin, @AKAKristin, is turning 30. I am going to miss her fabulous flirty 30 celebration too. She has planned out a weekend of fun. I am happy for her. I am having a minor surgery today. Initially, that wasn't in my plans but I guess God needed to build in some rest for this sista. Say a prayer for me. I supposedly need ten days to recover. We are going to Virgina Beach and the Dominican Republic this year. I also plan to go to the place that built me for about ten days. Haven't been home since May of last year. That sucks, right? It does! I need some mommy love! I also need to lay eyes on my grandma. I know that at 98, it is a blessing to have her. If you have read my posts for a whole, you already know how important she is to me. Gotta soak up that love and wisdom too. Oh and did I mention, that several ladies along with myself are going to do a summer study on Malachi. That should be interesting. Who studies Malachi? I know, hardly anyone. I am sure God will speak and unite our hearts more toward Him as we seek to learn and grow through the study. I will let you know how it goes.

In addition to all of of this, I was asked to teach a group of Spanish exchange students for a month. I am a little nervous but anticipating having fun with the teens from another culture. I know little to no Spanish but the purpose is for them to have the skills to hold conversations with their host families and interact in public during their stay here in the USA. My lesson plans are complete and I hope they will find the content both rewarding and entertaining.

Today is the first real day of summer vacation. I cherish this time with my children. Parenting is not easy and as I continue living in a home with a 14 year old girl, I am constantly reminded to pray. I am also reminded to ask other people to pray. Her godmother told me that the part of the brain that makes rational decision isn't fully developed till 25. Well dammit, why are we entrusting these babies to choose colleges, Presidents, to vote and to drink or to decide to fight for their countries? They really aren't ready for this type of responsible decision-making, are they? Sorry, I digressed. If you have the time and ability to be home with your children during the summer, make the most of it and have fun. Have hard conversations. Challenge them to read  and write and express themselves. Encourage them to serve someone other than themselves. One of the most rewarding things we've done this year is work at a local Food Pantry. We plan to continue to help out there during the summer. Teach them more about God and living a life that is pleasing to Him. Most of all, value the time even if the children are reluctant or attitudinal(or hormonal). This too shall pass. 

I am gonna end here. I am going to really attempt to post more regularly during the summer. As usual, I have a lot on my mind. I am already sick of the election BS. That being said....Be safe! Be a blessing to someone else. Take a moment for yourself each day. Pray for yourself and others. Till next time, Ciao!

In Diva love,

PAM

No Justice, No Peace

I have had this blog in my head for days now. I wanted to wait because I realized that I am passionately emotional about this subject. Trayvon Martin and his unjustified homicide are all over the news and social media. It hurts my heart especially when I see his mom on the news trying to hold it together and be strong to plead for justice in the death of her son. By now, everyone knows the details so I won't digress.

Today, President Obama finally spoke on the situation and honestly, he echoed the sentiments of African Americans everywhere. "If I had a son, he'd look like Trayvon." Well I do have a son. Not a day goes by that I am not keenly aware that my baby has to be taught some lessons that Caucasians don't even have to concern themselves about.  It is a painful reality of being Black in America. Racism remains alive and well in America despite Obama's presidency and occupancy in the White House. 

We HAVE to teach our sons about dealing with the police. We have to teach them about the preconceived notions that many will have just because they are young and Black in America. We have to teach them that their presence on an elevator may make some person uncomfortable by their music choice and apparently their clothing choices and a host of other things that thwart their innocence way too soon. Our reality is not yours. For a change, I am not being cynical, this is real. I think the straw that broke the camel's back and made me put pen to paper was Geraldo Rivera. His simple ass actually said that Trayvon's hoodie is just as responsible for his being shot as the killer. Really, Geraldo? Do you actually believe that? Last time I checked, hoodies were meant to keep us warm. Everyone in my house loves them. Today, Miami Heat showed up for a photo up in support of Trayvon Martin and guess what? They were all wearing hoodies.

The outcry for Trayvon is important because the discussion is not to try Trayvon's killer in the media. The real issue is for justice to be done and a fair investigation take place so the family can have peace of mind and closure. We all deserve the right to walk around without some overzealous individual questioning our rights to be there. There are soo many laws which can be reviewed but this is one that definitely elicits scrutiny.  By all accounts, the police in this case were negligent. They failed to question witnesses, they took the shooter's word without question, they failed to notify the family in a timely manner despite the fact that they had access to his cell phone, and the list goes on. 

I want my son to be comfortable wherever in whatever environment he is placed in. I want him to be seen as a person with rights. As a parent, I will always worry about his welfare. As he grows older, I will worry more about him in terms of where he goes and how he's viewed. Hell, I worry about my husband and brother, and nephews etc. They have an undue burden to deal with because they are Black males in a society that perceives them as threatening. This mentality has been perpetuated for centuries. We can thank the vestiges of slavery for that. I don't foresee a time when that won't be an issue but I'd love to witness it in my lifetime. I am not getting my hopes up. I've seen to much and I know too much. History has not been good to our men and it definitely hasn't been fair. My prayer is that we get to see justice not only for Trayvon but for anyone who is gunned down senseless while walking home with a bag of skittle and a can of iced tea while chatting with their girlfriend. There shouldn't have to rallies and demonstrations and vigils to get a serious investigation. Every life is equally valuable. We cannot allow individuals to take the law into their own hands and then claim self defense. Trayvon belonged in the gated community and was minding his own business. On any given day, we all deserve that. Justice for Trayvon means justice for everyone. I don't think any of us should be at peace with anything less. Trayvon could be your son, he could definitely be mine.

In Justified Diva Love,

Pam

Mommy Blahs #1

I have a headache as I type this blog. My oldest child is 14 and she is a Freshman in high school. She is a very intelligent young lady whose goal appears to be excelling in underachievement. You'd have to understand that my hubby is the consummate overachiever and I simply don't settle for mediocrity. God has challenged me with both of my children. they love life and everything about it but they aren't pressed about making a statement and leaving their marks. OMG! I was a busy in  high-school and college. I was NOT an A student, in fact, I was an average student. I did however participate in any and everything. My husband was #2 in his class and he too was a busy student. My kids are content to sit back and chill. Lawd, this entitlement generation is going to give me a coronary. We are miffed because nothing in us has prepared us for handling this.

I don't want to impose my agenda on my children but I know it is my role as a parent to spur them to greatness. My daughter has the ability to be an A student. She is lazy and hates to study. She is NOT interested in participating in any activities. My issue is this, if you aren't super busy with activities, you have to be an awesome student. Hubby and I are ranting about being well rounded for college applications and you know what? It is frustrating as all get out! She doesn't get it and we can't make her. Anyhoo, God has shown me yet another area of specific prayer! Pray for me and my children! I keep telling my kids to tap into their God-given power. Them being afraid of their power limits their friends. I think they need to spur their friends to greatness. and vice versa.  It is stressful when you see things in people that they fail to see in them selves. Don't get me wrong, there are adults who suffer from this but children still have more hope and potential to impact their niche.

Okay, I think I am over it now! Well not really! Thank goodness for God's grace and mercy. More importantly, for His plan. He has mapped out a future for both my children. No level of underachievement will keep them from doing that which He has for them to do. That nugget is keeping me sane right now. Thanks for allowing me to rant on what for most bloggers is Wordless Wednesdays! Love you guys!

In Kicking & Screaming Diva Love,

Pam :)

Are You Really Mine?

Have you ever looked at your children or the children in your life and wondered where the hell they came from? Well I have been having those moments quite often lately. My children make me scratch my head in wonder. They are opinionated. They are fearless. They have ideas and values that don't line up with what we have taught them. Who are these minis and where did they come from? Are they really mine or did the hospital send me home with the wrong babies?

All I can say is this happens more and more frequently. It makes me shudder and step up my prayer life. I am preparing these children and eventually they are gonna be unleashed on the world. Will they be viable productive contributors to society? It is part of my daily thought life.

The story of the Prodigal Son gives me hope. Right now, I wouldn't classify my children as prodigals but the possibility exists that they could one day fall into this category. Some of the words that escape their lips scare me. Yet, I remain hopeful. Why? Because the Bible tells me so. Proverbs 22:6 states, "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." (NKJV)

We as parents, aunts, uncles, godparents or grandparents can only impart wisdom and knowledge. We must do it consistently and continuously. Hopefully, when our babies lose their minds, as they inevitably will, they will always be drawn back to the solid lessons and foundation that you have raised them upon. Eventually, they will be productive members of society. You have to do your part and let God handle the rest. After all, it is all His business, not ours. Till next time, smile and bless someone else!!

Copyright October 12, 2011 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

Stranger Danger

This past weekend, my husband and I went to Cancun on a more business than pleasure trip. We left our children at home with my mother. In other words, they were in good hands in our absence. It was a brief trip. For some odd reason, I requested prayer from my Bible study Leadership team and my Moms In Touch group. They are prayer warriors but I tend not to make lots of public requests. I asked them to pray for my children's safety and a good time to be had with their grandmother, whom they don't see enough.

Well I thank God that I lifted the requests. On Friday, my son, a 5th grader, was walking to school alone. Our house is less than 500 feet from the school but you have to walk to the end of the street which is a cul-de-sac and then over a hill and you are in the school parking lot. He noticed a car sitting in the cul-de-sac. As he approached, a Caucasian male in his 20s in a bronze car asked him if he needed a ride and told him to get in the car. He said, "No!" and ran away. He immediately went to his teacher and told her what happened. The local police were notified and a report was made. All adults involved made sure my son was okay and commended him for handling the situation properly.

If you know my son, he is very laid back. He is not a fan of too much attention. Needless to say that we have tightened the reins on him and he is not happy. C'est la vie! My point in all of this is that God knew all of of this would occur. The outcome could have been much worse. Don't be afraid to pray nor should you be afraid to ask for prayer. I don't have any problems making prayer requests but I tend to be private and not put too much out there. I don't know why I felt led to make a requests. Well, let's change that. The Holy Spirit prompted me to do it and I was obedient. The effective, fervent prayer of the righteous man avails much. (ref. James 5:16, NKJV) God hears and He protects.

Make sure your children know how to handle such occurrences. My son can NEVER walk alone again. He, of course, thinks we are crazy. Gotta love fearless children. Teach your children about being aware of their surroundings and what to do if a stranger approaches them. I commended my son that he ran over the hill to school instead of coming back home. Also, he was praised for having a good description of the person in the car. He does have a cell phone with a locator. He said he felt scared but he knew what to do and he knew he could run fast. Again, childlike naivete. I know God was in the details and I know prayers matter. If you have praying people in your circle, utilize them! Thanking God that my son is safe and also thanking God for His sovereignty.

Copyright October 6, 2011 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

Bullies...Whup Dat A--!!!

Dorna has a lot on her mind. The latest of which is bullying. The topic is in the news lately because of several suicides that have occurred as a result of such intolerable behavior. Sometimes parents have to take less than favorable stands on behalf of their children. Bullying is a coward's tactic. Enough of my opinion, this is Dorna's blog. Feel free to comment on Dorna's opinion.

Most of us heard the story of James Jones, the Florida father who stormed his 13 year-old cerebral palsy daughter’s bus to confront students who had been bullying her. Mr. Jones was arrested for his profanity laced outburst, for which he was released on $2000 bail and subsequently apologized. Mr. Jones’ behavior has been questioned and commented on with a resounding majority feeling he did the wrong thing for the right reason. Based on the comments I’ve read regarding the incident on CNN, !Yahoo News, and USA Today, people are very sympathetic to Mr. Jones’ reaction. Mr. Jones reacted as a father who has learned his daughter had been bullied for sometime; causing her to skip school to avoid her tormentors because she couldn’t deal with the problem. To make matters worse, the onset of the bullying began because she was defending someone else from bullying! I bet you Mr. Jones’ internal thought was “Ah hell naw!” I hazard to guess most parents would have a similar reaction.


My daughter is 17 years old in her senior year in Peachtree City, GA. Recently, she became embroiled in “girl drama” resulting in the breakdown of friendship between her and some of the “young ladies” (I use this term loosely). Lorin, realized the friendships were not true friendships and was okay with the loss. However, the “young ladies” began loud talking and taunting her on the bus and at school encouraging others to join in. It came to a head one afternoon, when they were to get off the bus and Lorin realized they were all walking toward our house to continue taunting and/or fight her. Lorin informed the bus driver that she was not getting off the bus and would get off at a different stop with another girlfriend and have me pick her up. The bus driver told her she had to get off there and could not get off at the other stop because she didn’t have a note. Lorin called me on her cell; the bus driver REFUSED to speak with me and continued to insist Lorin get off. Lorin refused and the bus driver eventually ended up turning the bus around and taking her (and everyone still on the bus) back to the school.


To say I was livid is an understatement!! I could not BELIEVE my child was being informed to head into harm’s way when she is asking for help from a supposedly responsible ADULT!! I have to say, God looked out for all involved that day, especially me!! He know if I had been at home (I had just started a new job that day), Mr. Jones’ behavior would have seemed mild in comparison to what would have occurred if I had showed up at Lorin’s bus stop!! As the kids say, it would have been on and popping!! As it is, I still want to cuss and smack the heck out of the girls, other students on the bus, and the bus driver!!


When my daughter arrived back at the school, she was able to see the principal and informed of her of what had occurred. The principal ordered Peer Mediation for the next day, but the “bullying” is still occurring. Even though I’ve met with one of the girl’s mother, the guidance counselor and spoken with two other administrators, things are still not right. Oh, and the bus driver, no action against her and I’m still waiting for a call back from the supervisor!! So, I have told my child ignore the heffas…I mean “young ladies”, however if they put their hands on her she is to “whup dat ass!!” She may not win, but let them know she’s not having it!! Now, I agree that violence doesn’t solve everything, but I think that’s the only language bullies understand!! Speaking in calm, rational tones will only incur more bullying. We know the major reasons bullies act as they do is because they are insecure about their own intelligence and place in the world. They are Satan’s minions in my estimation…they seek, kill, and destroy…another person’s self worth!!


I was not a bully growing up and was not a bullied. Bullying is as old as Cain and Abel, but I think it has moved to a more active level with the advent of some technology and the breakdown of civility in today’s society. I believe because we are no longer allowed to assist with “raising” each other’s children, the ability for bullies and children in general to get away with bad behavior has become more prevalent. Parents are not teaching good citizenship at home. Not to mention, TV and the Internet are not putting positive messages out on respectful behavior. The reality shows alone teach nothing but ignorance and disrespectfulness; to themselves and others.


As a parent, I have always taught Lorin to treat others with respect and courtesy; to have compassion for others. One of the things I have discovered as of late is that she doesn’t understand even if she isn’t the perpetrator of wrong to someone; laughing and/or saying nothing makes her just as complicit. It helps perpetuate bullying. Granted it may be funny to you, but it ceases to be funny when someone is hurt by the words and/or actions!! I have been trying to get her to see that she would not appreciate some of the things said if they were said to her!! She has to set an example by not reacting negatively and sometimes having to speak up for someone even when it’s not popular.


I totally empathize with Mr. Jones and have no issue with how he handled the situation. . I personally, feel Mr. Jones should be given an award and the tape of him “speaking” to the bullies be played to children all over the world!! The bus driver KNEW his daughter was being harassed. It’s her job to be aware of what’s going on and if she says she didn’t know, I have to say she’s lying. The school probably knew also and failed to take any action, probably because their hands are so tied with all of the legal crap they have to deal with to keep from being sued because they don’t want to infringe on upon some bad ass student’s right 30 years ago (maybe even 20) a parent having to involve themselves would have called for beatings all around. I don’t know about others, but if my mama came to the bus stop (or the school grounds), all involved would answer to her and THEN answer to their own parents. NOBODY would be sitting down for awhile!! Kudos to Mr. Jones in making sure his daughter’s tormentors were addressed!!

So how do we stop bullying? I go back to my battle cry “Elders take our village back”!! Don’t let the “rights” of children “bully” us (adults) into accepting bad and/or disrespectful behavior!! Be an example of good citizenship!! And most of all, PRAY… “correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction.” 2Timothy 4:2.

Copyright by Pamela Cole Thorpe on October 19, 2010

Out of the Doghouse

Cinnamon and Spike were our pets up until this morning. I have written about both of them in previous posts. They were both very loving loyal pets. My children loved them immensely. Their love however, didn't translate into them taking care of the dogs in a responsible way. 

I gave my children ample warning and several opportunities to prove that they were capable of loving and caring for the pooches. Let me put out this disclaimer....I never neglected the dogs at all. I was always clear that with the addition of a new pet, I was not going to bear the brunt of the care for a dog that I really didn't want. We have had Cinnamon since 2005 and she is a typical beagle, lazy and rather easy-going. She fit like a glove in our family. Last year, Spike became a member of our illustrious family, much to my dismay. I did not want another pet because I knew my family wouldn't be able to handle a high maintenance pet. Hubby vetoed my well thought-out, highly logical argument against the new addition. Let's just say, I always know best. Spike required more interaction than Cinnamon and the novelty of that neediness wore off really quickly. Spike was an American bulldog. As such, he needed to be walked daily and played with frequently. Yeah, that didn't happen!  It resulted in Spike amusing himself by way of chewing any and everything in his wake. Spike was like a curious child who destroyed items with a benign innocent nature.

As I stated before, both dogs were loving and loyal. Cinnamon loved any and everyone and could easily be satisfied with a good belly rub. She was pretty smart and quite sufficient. Don't play around and try to walk her too long in the heat. Cinnamon would sit down and look at you like you were the crazy one. Spike was not quite as open to strangers.  Spike was afraid of most people but warmed up pretty quickly to children. He would follow me all over the house, often getting in my way. I referred to Spike as a tough dumb jock of a dog. Sweet as pie but not a clue in the world.

Alas, we took them to a shelter. Yes, I felt bad! Yes, I was even sad. No, I would not miss the dilemma of what to do when we travel away for days at a time. Nor would I miss the high vet, food, and kennel bills. I won't miss the dog hair being all over my furniture. Pet ownership is NO joke!!!! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. It really is serious business. My children had meltdowns. They implored me to go back and get their dogs from the shelter. A sadness prevailed in our house. Yet, I know I did the right thing.

My daughter thought that because I threatened and procrastinated, we would never get rid of our pooches. She failed to realize this was an opportunity to further prove that they could handle the responsibility of owning a pet.  Pets are not objects who exist for your own pleasure. They need more than love to survive. My brother made an excellent point, if we as parents failed to meet our childrens' needs, they can call child protective services to intervene on their behalf. Our dogs don't have that ability so I had to make a call on their behalf.

So Cinnamon and Spike this post is dedicated to you. We had had some great times, good laughs, and lots of memories. I wish you the best in your new family situation. I hope that your new owners are kind and considerate and never forget to feed you or give you water. I hope they walk you and expose you to new things. The Thorpe family loves you always. Parting is such sweet sorrow.  Parents have to make tough decisions and stick to them. That said, we close his chapter of our lives. Till next time, pray for my family. Drama, drama, drama!! There is always fallout from every decision. Ciao!

Copyright by Pamela Cole Thorpe on October 9, 2010.

Is That Really What You Wanna Teach Your Baby???

Have you ever thought about what type of message that you silently send to your offspring? I mean really thought about it? Some lessons are in your face but others are learned subtly. I have been having this precise discussion for several weeks with various people. I am concerned as well as convicted. Our children learn from everything they see. So parents, and friends, be careful what you model.


Single mothers, don't put your man before your friends. Seriously, sex might be all that and a bag of chips but do you really want your child to feel devalued? Do you want them to accept that you aren't there for them because you are with Mr. Right Now? I don't think so! Countless girls go running into the arms of some young boy who is wrought with testosterone only to end up pregnant. We won't even discuss the girls who end up in the arms of a pimp. Yes, it happens all because a young lady needs to be loved and accepted or needs someone to be there for them. Another scenario, single mom is a booty call for her baby's daddy. He pays no support but creeps in and out of the house whenever he feels like it. It is a well known fact that he has a girlfriend. Eventually your kid sees that you are a doormat for him. Does that lead to respect for mom or women? What if single mom and the girlfriend both end up pregnant at the same time? See where I'm going?


Spouses make concessions all the time for each other and that is a good thing. Problems arise for me when one spouse goes overboard to make concessions for their spouse. SN: not judging, just looking at the message sent to your kids. If the wife always does things to make life convenient for her husband but he never reciprocates, what message is sent to her young children?  Example, mommy is at work when the kids get home from school, hubby is home but homework waits for mom who also has to cook dinner. Do we want our children not to think that men don't have to assist mom?


If you are a habitual liar, chances are your kids will be too. Children model the behaviors they are taught. If you are married and cheating on your spouse, do you really think that your teen aged children really believe that you going out with a friend multiple times in a week means that you aren't cheating on their other parent? Wake up, people. If you are racist, your children probably won't embrace diversity either. So many things to point out but these are the ones that come to mind.


Christians, you are also guilty. You teach your children to love God and obey His Word. So how are you when traffic is bad and someone cuts you off? Does road rage rear its ugly head or do you move forward peacefully? Do you return the extra change given to you by the cashier? As Christians, we fail to send the right messages too. Of course, we are all guilty because we are all sinners. Christians are always going to be held to a higher level of accountability.


What I am really trying to say is that so often we do things and we fail to even consider the subtle message that we send our offspring. We operate from our emotions and never realize the impact of our actions. Most of us have good sense. We know the difference between right and wrong. Just remember, that children are sponges, they soak up everything. I mean everything! The good, bad, and not so cute! They are our future and we want them to be the best that they can be. We can only provide them the tools and basis to become adults with integrity who will eventually model successful behavior to the next generation. Actions really do speak louder than words. I tell my children all the time, "I can show you better than I can tell you!" That really holds true in many instances. So let this blog cause you to examine your actions, then be encourage to change them. Baby steps will eventually lead to huge strides. I will praying for you as we make our transition to reflect good behavior, attitudes, and actions. Our children are our future and the sacrifices we make for at least eighteen years are really short when you look at a lifetime. So, what is your legacy? What do you wanna teach your children?

Copyright Sept 9, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

Whose Child Are You?

We all belong to someone. The blood of our ancestors flows through each of us. Sometimes the legacy is filled with pivotal historic moments and sometimes there is a legacy of pain an hurt. Do you ever look at your children and wonder if the hospital made a mistake and gave you the wrong child to take home, nurture, and bless? When my children act like Satan has possessed them as they often do, I really begin to wonder if I am parenting the right child. Now if you know me and have seen my children, you know that there is ABSOLUTELY no denying that they are mine. They really are miniature versions of my husband and myself.

Chante is on the threshold of becoming a teenager. She is gregarious, funny, clumsy, and moody. I assume she is a typical girl. She is passionate about what she believes in and stubborn as her dad, a mule. When she gets something in her head, you can't really change her mind. Sometimes, I love her determination and others, I want to knock her out because she will not bend. I prayed for both children while in the womb and have done so all their lives. Chante accepted Christ when she was a young 4 years old.It thrilled and scared me at the same time. She loves Christ and is confident that she belongs to Him. Like all sinners saved by grace, she has moments where her actions do not reflect her earthly or heavenly parentage. SN: DJ has his moments of satanic behavior as well, unlike Chante however, he doesn't have a defiant posture or stubborn will. This is the reason Chante is often used in my writings. Just needed to clarify that. LOL! When she is acting ugly, I have to say to her, "do you really think this offensive behavior would be pleasing to God?" Oh my! You should see the indignant look she gives me. Like how could I really bring Jesus into this equation? It is hysterically funny to me but to see the light go on in her head is always priceless.

How often are we all like Chante? Every single day. As a child of God, I hate to admit that my actions, words, and thoughts often don't line up with My Father's will for me or my life. I bet God the Father often wonders whose children are we. I mean we have have professed to be His but we treat others poorly and don't often have regard for the feelings of others. We don't always speak the truth in love nor do we forgive transgressions.

Yesterday, I received a profound revelation and a gentle reminder that we are to do everything as pleasing to Christ(ref. I Corinthians 10:31 and II Corinthians 5:9). We are all products of our environment and parentage but those of us who have accepted Christ have new parentage. Of course, that comes with a responsibility. We are to reflect the love of Christ in ALL we do. We are held to a standard of accountability. We need to forgive quickly and encourage others but most importantly we need to share the love of Christ so that others might receive new parenting and be released from the sins and hurts of the past. So whose child are you?

Yes, I am the child of Ernestine and Gerald but more importantly, I am a child of God. Everything I do, say, and think is to be done in the spirit of my heavenly parenting, not my earthly ones. It is a difficult undertaking and like Chante, I am often guilty of acting like God is not my Father. Thank goodness for second chances. God gives us the ability to be forgiven over and over again. I am so glad about that because I fail often. I know you do too. If you aren't a child of God, you should really think about your eternal future. The church is not a social club, it is a hospital for sinners. The gift of eternity is freely given to all who want it. Hell is hot and as we can all attest, the dog days of summer are rather unbearable.  Imagine life  spent in even worse heat. I'm just saying. Whomever you belong to, you reflect their values. Ultimately the choice is yours. I hope you have a wonderful day. I didn't start the blog to be preachy but I guess this is the message God wanted me to write. So I have to be obedient. After all, I am His child and have been since October, 1985. Ciao!

Copyright September 1, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

Are You a Punk Parent?

Punk parents allow their children to control them. The children dominate and dictate way too much of the ebb and flow of the home. This leads to them thinking that the world revolves around them. In our home, punishments are not negotiable. We set the punishment and that is that. Spanking still happens in our home too. It drives the seriousness of the issue home quickly despite it not being a popular option in today's society. My thoughts are that I turned out all right and so will my kids. My mom did not hesitate to spank me. The notion of time outs was non existent.

Parenting is a full time job and it is not easy for any of us. My goal as a parent is to raise respectful, hard-working individuals of high moral fiber/character, who have a strong sense of spirituality, and have a sense of charity. While I like there to be open communication, we are not friends. We can be, once they are adults but for now, it ain't happening. My husband and I set the boundaries and expectations. Most of them are NOT negotiable. We have consequences for negative actions and we do attempt to choose our battles wisely. I think there are instances in which we could be tougher but overall we aren't wimpy parents. Our moms might not agree but we are dealing with a different set of issues with this generation.


We tell our children "NO!" often and we try not to be inconsistent in our dealings with them. They are looking for those inconsistencies so they can use them to their advantage. We are not afraid to go against the status quo. The worst reason my kids can use, is to tell me that "so and sos mom let's them do" whatever. Who gives a darn what everyone else is doing! I certainly don't.


There are a plethora of books written on how to raise your children. I am no expert. We learn by trial and error. What works for one kid doesn't work for the other, especially in my house. My kids have very different temperaments and attitudes so parenting them is a challenge. To them, nothing seems fair when it comes to disciplining the other. My explanation is that life isn't fair and what better place to learn that than at home where the people love and care for you. Yea, that goes over real well. NOT!

Bottom line, Kids need discipline. Studies have shown that kids who don't receive it feel as if their parents really don't love them. The Bible says, "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child.  The rod of correction will drive it far from him." (Proverbs 22: 15 NKJV) See children are foolish, and as parents,  is our job to move them from the point of foolishness to a place of wisdom. Even as adults we have rules to follow and it is not dependent upon our emotions or peers. Times are showing that parents have to step up to the plate and control their children. You have to stay in their business and their friends' business too. Disrespectful children turn into disrespectful adults.

We are in a time where morals have taken a backseat and values seem to be taking a dive. You only have eighteen good years to parent your child and you have a lifetime after that to become their friend. Don't waste the opportunity to shape and mold your child. Children don't stray far from the moral compass you set for them. If they do, they will eventually veer back on track. Punk parents are selling their children out. Those children run the risk of becoming statistics. Certainly, America doesn't need anymore of those.  So you MUST set that moral compass. Do your thankless job. I have to admit that on many days it really is thankless but I know that I will see the reward of my labor in the future. I only have to ask my mom to know this to be true. Find what works best for your home but don't let your kids run you or run amuck. It is never too late to flip the tables and reclaim your God given right to rule. The time is now and the challenge has been issued. What are you gonna do? Your child's future is at hand. Don't punk out! Till the next time....Ciao!

Copyright June 24, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe