Thursday, February 22, 2018

The Commandments of Pam

We all have a set of rules or core values that we live by, whether spoken or secret. Since the New Year has begun, I’ve been relatively quiet and mostly keeping to myself. Kind of a switch for an extroverted person such as myself. For whatever reason, I am in a very self-reflective mode and doing some serious introspection. I think I live pretty authentically but I want to make sure that I’m putting my best self forward and being the best version of me that I can be. As I grow older my tolerance for BS is extremely low and I really am having a hard time with phony and fake. So it came to me that I have some rules that never change....like God had the Ten Commandments. Here they are, in no particular order, but each one is equally important.

1. Be Pamela-I can’t be anyone but myself...the sum of my successes and failures, my hopes and dreams including the ones that have been deferred. The uniquely blessed, somewhat flawed woman who has become very comfortable in her own skin.

2. Just because someone is treating you poorly, doesn’t mean you have stoop to their level. Karma never arrives when you want her to but she will eventually show up. 

3. Build your tribe well. Choose the people who have a front row set to your life wisely. My core circle of friends is tight, trustworthy, and supportive.

4. Live your truth and reality. Your life and experiences have been crafted for you and the grass isn’t alway greener in someone else’s yard. 

5. Have a belief system. My hope and faith are in the Lord, Jesus Christ. I love a divine appointment where God shows up and shows out unexpectedly. Prayer does change you and the situation.

6. Take time for yourself-indulge in your favorite hobbies-for me it’s reading, traveling, coloring, and wine tasting. Getting by yourself and focusing on things you love takes you away from the noise and distractions of the world.

7. Find at least one positive in each day. Trouble don’t last always and joy does come in the morning. Smiling is free.

8. Follow your intuition and trust your gut. 

9. Things are just things. Don’t let them define you. You can’t take any of it with you when you leave the earth.

10. Choose love. Choose forgiveness. Choose kindness. 

These are my basic principles. I am sure you have your own. Let me know yours. Be a blessing!

In Diva Love,

Pam 👑🙏🏽💜




Thursday, January 18, 2018

My #hashtag

It’s the year that most of my closest friends and I
Celebrate our golden birthday. When I look into the mirror, I find it absolutely unbelievable that I’m turning 50. It is what it is and life continues no matter what curves and valleys we face. So it’s definitely real. Thank goodness, Black don’t crack and we all look fantastic for our age. We got them good genes. We have weathered many storms and are still standing. That being said, until June 3rd. My birthday in the best month of the twelve, I created a hashtag to keep the occasion in perspective. I’ll be #flirtingwith50.

Join me as I celebrate the entire year. In fact we got that party started this past weekend. We celebrated my college BFF with a great party. They say fifty is the new forty. Whatever it ts, it’s going to be fabulous for us.  Hers s peak of how cute 50 can be. 


Aging can be priceless. No botox and no medical procedures. 
Here’s my #hastag. Hope you like it:

 Feel free to comment. For now, I’m out! 

In Diva Love,

Pamela 👑🥂💜

Wednesday, January 17, 2018

Sunday, December 31, 2017

Reflections of a year Gone By/e

December 31st is here! 2017 flew by. What a strange, crazy, chaotic year it was. When I look back and reflect on all that happened, my overall characterization is disappointment. I feel like I was waiting for something great to happen....and it never did. Perhaps it’s why I feel antsy and restless going into the New Year. 

Despite the sense of disappointment I feel, I’m positive that 2018 will be better. On one hand, our state of affairs can’t possibly get any worse. We have a narcissistic POTUS who has major issues, people don’t trust police, and we still haven’t put race or religion in proper perspective in the United States. On the other, God remains in control and our job is to remain faithful and trust His plan. 

I don’t set New Year’s resolutions. I make up my mind to make personal changes and I do my best to make them a reality. This year, most of my closest friends as well as myself, will hopefully celebrate 50 year’s of life. My focus for this milestone is TRUTH. I am choosing to share this one because I am expecting miraculous things to happen for those in my circle and myself. So about truth....My plan is to walk in His truth, speak the truth (in love). and live my truth.

 For me that is being honest about everything. It means that sometimes my reality is not all good. There are real low days and moments and I’m not always my best self, no matter how hard I try. It means my finances are crappy and I can’t go out for lunch/dinner/drinks. It means that despite being popular and extroverted, sometimes I feel lonely. It also means that most days are fairly good. I am beyond blessed and feel guilty about complaining. I have a place to live, food on my table, and a job that covers most of my bills. I’m healthy but feeling the effects of being almost 50-those bones creak y’all! More importantly, I have a relationship with Jesus. My faith keeps me going on the days I forget exactly how blessed I am. 

Yesterday, my Facebook status reminded my family and friend to choose themselves. You have a right to choose YOU! I’m not saying to be selfish or dismissive of others. I am encouraging you to chose yourself over toxic relationships and situations. Choose to say no or maybe, instead of getting caught up in a vicious cycle of busyness. Remember, sometimes good is the enemy of best. If you don’t protect your spirit, no one else will. Walking alone is better than walking in a crowd that is negative and drains your energy. 

No year is complete without me reviewing my circle. I make a mental note of who poured unto my life and spirit and who didn’t. Friendships work both ways. The older you get the smaller the circle gets. You may not fight with a friend but you may wake up one day and find that you simply aren’t in the same season or that your interests no longer align. No drama, just a natural parting of ways. Learn to be okay with that. I certainly have. It also makes you take a good look st yourself...do you add value or are you just there for the ride? 

Self reflection is hard for a lot of people. But living your truth will make you take a good hard look at yourself. I’m no different. I felt like I was in a rut this year. I am going to have to make some things happen for 2018. Life is short and I need to make sure that I’m “getting busy living.”  I want to make sure that my circle knows without a doubt that I love them. I want to be present for the special moments. I want to pour not drain. I want to be close to God and hear His still small voice guiding me every step of the way. That requires surrender, obedience, and a yielded heart. 

That’s my reflection. What’s yours? Are you choosing you? Are you walking in your truth? Was 2017 good to you or are you happy to see it end? What are you expecting for 2018?  My hope for you is that God will bless you abundantly. If you are lacking a relationship with Him, take time to trust Him with your everything.  His promises are true and His love never fails. I hope that at the end of 2018, you have made a difference and accomplished much. This is the time. New beginnings, new you! It’s never to late or early to make a fresh start. 

May 2018 be your best year ever! Happy New Year to you and yours! God bless your endeavors and may you prosper. Thanks for reading my blog. Take time to comment. Be strong! Be fearless! Be intentional! Most of all, walk in your truth and choose you! 

In Diva Love,

Pamela 🥂❤️🙏🏽

Friday, December 1, 2017

Your Voice Does Matter

I've been writing and rewriting this post for several weeks now. With all the allegations and admitted sexual harassment, several things have come to mind. Power corrupts but absolute power corrupts absolutely. Unfortunately, power carries a lot of weight, especially in certain industries. Hollywood is one of them. Sadly, it's an industry where people always have to seek acceptance.That makes those folks vulnerable, especially since up until very recently, women held no places of power in the industry which allowed men to prey on young aspiring stars and starlets. 

Stories are coming out right and left about sexual misconduct. It appears that it really does exist everywhere. I am extremely happy that women, and in small number, a few men are coming forward with their stories. It is a reminder that your voice matters and your story needs to be heard. Obviously, there is power in numbers. We are getting more of these stories as fear begins to take a backseat. Looking specifically at Harvey Weinstein, we can see where fear overshadowed repeated calls for help. It was widely known that he was a disgusting pig who preyed on aspiring thespians, yet his company was very powerful. I don't know why women are finally speaking their truth but let it serve as an encouragement. In most cases, your story needs and deserves to be heard. Your story/conflict/situation is probably NOT an isolated case. No matter what fear you have, speak your truth.There is unity and power in numbers. 

Let's examine another predator. Roy Moore, a candidate for US Senate, in the state of Alabama, is obnoxious, however, I'm sure he feels empowered because the POTUS is an admitted harasser and yet he has landed the highest office in the land. Moore refuses to step down despite over 30 allegations accusing him of sexual misconduct. I'm sure in his mind that if the POTUS can continue in office, he can continue to run for Governor. Another act, that causes my stomach to turn. From my perspective, it's another man who is so used to the good ole boy way of doing things that he refuses to be a decent human being and go gently into the night. How dare we want him to take two seats. I'm sure him being from Alabama doesn't help.  Again, it makes me sad that our children are held witness to such dishonorable behavior. Kevins Spacey, as much as I like him as an actor, has become a person non grata in my book because in his apology for sexual misconduct, he took the opportunity to out himself as gay. Who the hell does that? A good ole boy, that's who. Now the livelihood of hundreds of folks livelihood is in limbo because production has been stopped on House of Cards due to his indiscretions.

All of this confirms that you better be your child's first and best role model. As we can see no one is exempt from being a predator. Bill Cosby was, "America's dad" back in the 80s when his show was a huge success. I feel absolutely positive that he is guilty of mistreating and sexually abusing women, despite being extremely talented. As I type this, Russell Simmons, has stepped down. Mr. Zen himself creeped me out when he married a very young Kimora but hey, just my thoughts. Matt Lauer was terminated by NBC earlier this week for detailed acts of misconduct. You'd think $25 Million/year and a high profile would be enough. NOT! Obviously, I could go on since every day, there is at least one person outed of late but you get the idea.

So what exactly is my point? SILENCE IS NOT GOLDEN. God gave each of us a voice for a reason. We need to use our voices, even when we think no one is listening. Your mess will become a message and that message can help someone else. Living in fear is not living at all. You are in bondage. We weren't meant to be in bondage, we were meant to live free and in community. America is an ever changing place and hopefully things continue to improve. Things never change or improve if you fail to add your two cents....no matter how painful or hurtful they may be. Your story matters, your testimony matters. By silencing yourself, you continue to give power to the individual who caused you harm in the first place. Speak your truth, it deserves to be heard. It may fall on deaf ears at first but keep speaking. You will touch someone. Remember...power lies in the tongue...just make sure you use it for good. 

In Diva Love, 

Pamela 


Tuesday, October 24, 2017

What are Your Intentions?

This has been bothering me for a couple of days now....Watching the story play out about La David Johnson, a soldier slain in the line of duty on a mission that seems fraught with questions, got me thinking about why are we quick to believe that a person's intentions are less than honorable and when it would be better to take a humble step back and right the situation. 

None of us is being told the whole truth about how Sgt. Johnson ended up dead but we know that he is dead and will not be coming back to his family. We all saw his grieving widow and we know that her pain will last way into the future. We know it will be a long time before we know what was really going on in Niger and how this US soldier ended up where he was in the position he was in. 

What we do know is there is controversy surrounding a call from 45 to this widow. A congresswoman has accused the POTUS of making an insensitive remark to the widow. The widow pretty much has indicated that the POTUS said something insensitive. Here's what I think...I believe the POTUS did make the remark. I do not believe he meant it maliciously even though it was definitely not a humane remark to make. I believe the Congresswoman could've shared her concerns privately to someone and the POTUS could've made a decision to fix the situation privately. Sounds simple, doesn't it? 

Instead both have taken to airing their issues publicly and a grieving family is left hurting in the midst of the drama. It's absolutely sickening to see adults acting this way, especially ones who are running our illustrious country. At what point are people in power going to take the high road? Everything is not meant to be a political battle. We can see that 45 is NEVER going to take real responsibility for his actions nor will he ever humble himself and admit that he may have made a mistake. He could've offered up an apology to the widow and moved on but nope, he took to Twitter and belittled yet another grown woman. The Congresswoman could've have pointed out her concern and let it go. Neither choose to handle it it maturely. 

How are we going to recover from errors and misjudgments such as this? I hesitate to think of all the negative messages that are being sent to our youth. No wonder they don't have any idea about how to navigate conflict and small dramas in their lives. The people in position of power keep sending terrible messages. We are going down a horrible road when we can't address simple misunderstandings civilly and without making a public spectacle  and bringing attention to ourselves. We have to do better. People are watching and taking their cues from us. I suggest parents use this very situation as a teaching tool. We all say things we don't mean and we can often recover from them. We need to be people who CHOOSE to see the best in others--even if we don't think they deserve it. People are important and so are relationships. So I implore you to be a lil different...choose humility, air your grievances privately. The Bible says in Matthew 18, v:15-16 (NASB) "if your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed." 

In Diva Love, 

Pamela
Late mss add against yogo and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. 16But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two orthree witnesses every fact may be confirmed.

Friday, October 20, 2017

What Makes Me Feel Better, Always

Hey, Hey, Hey! Got a minute and thought I should put something out there. We all have good days and bad and let's face it, there are those things that just always can turn your day around. For me there are several very important cures. First, prayer. Nothing like a heartfelt conversation with the Lord. No judgment and He is always there-whether you think so or not. Sometime I have to remember to be still and silent so I can receive whatever it is is He has to say to me. It can't be a one way communication. 

Music. I don't go a day without it. It is always going on my computer at work. I have uplifting play lists and ratchet ones too. No day begins without gospel music. It gets my mind and spirit right. I am not a huge fan of hip-hop but give me some old school and I can jam my day away. Jazz for relaxation, R&B anytime. I've even been known to play Broadway Hits. Don't sleep on the Hamilton tunes. 

A great Conversation. Nothing like catching up with a heart and soul level friend. You know the ones who know you well...even when you aren't saying what you're really feeling? Those are the best. Also when you and a group of girlfriends come together and the conversation flows in such a way that you know you could solve all the world problems if they just gave you all the power for a couple of weeks. Had one of those moments a couple of weeks ago. There were good side conversations taking place too. No explanation, no reservation, no hiding or adapting just real heartfelt discussion without apology or agenda. Refreshing as a brisk morning wind. 

My mom. Love her to pieces. I talk to her almost every day on my way home from work and whenever the need arises. My brother does too. I know she loves me unconditionally and worries about both of us being so far away from her. It works both ways. I can discuss most anything with her and she is terribly amused by the rants of both my brother and I with ridiculous traffic antics and drivers in our respective cities.  Sometimes, I do have to remind her to let me get a word in because she truly has the gift of gab. I get that from my momma too but I am a thoughtful listener. She's getting better. Just the sound of her voice usually makes me feel good inside. 

In no particular order, these things always get me smiling too: my children and their conversations or crazy jokes. They are hilarious, yet interesting individuals. Even better, when they cozy up to me for no reason despite being 19 and 16. The best moments of my life. I love to hear little children laugh with reckless abandon. I love getting a card in the mail....If the words and message are right for me, my tank is immediately filled. A good book. Coloring-such a childlike innocence to picking the right colors and getting the picture just the way you want it. Doing a kindness for someone else. Writing or journaling. Travel would work too but sometimes funds are scarce. 

So no matter what, there's always a positive in the negative. What does it for you? What can change your day no matter what? If you can't figure it out, take a moment and get quiet, meditate on the things that bring you joy. Ask God to show you how to find that fleeting joy in the midst of pain. Trust God and trust the process. You can always start with a gratitude list. There is ALWAYS something to be thankful for. Find your joy and peace and hold fast to it! 

In Diva Love, 

Pam