A Part of My Heart Stayed Behind

This past weekend, I embarked on a journey that would seem to be fraught with emotion. The thing is, it wasn't. I felt a wide range of emotions, but mostly a profound sense of nostalgia. I packed up my vehicle for a 7-8 hour trip to take one of my most precious possessions, my firstborn, mini-me, to begin her college career. She aspires to be a female Anthony Bourdain--her words not mine. In actuality, her plans include  becoming a chef, restaurateur, food blogger, and world class traveler who eats and critiques her  way through  as many countries  as she can. 

All I kept thinking is that this newly minted adult would be on her own making life choices and decisions without me  intervening. Don't mis-read this....I  am not a hover mother but I am an involved opinionated parent. In my mind, my daughter would always be the wide-eyed baby that came out of the womb looking around, with a sense of wisdom and wonder. She has transformed into a lovely young lady. She's intelligent, tenacious, and also opinionated. I have prepared her to soar. I have instilled prayer, integrity and high values in her.  Now it's her time. There will be ups and downs, trials and tribulations, triumphs and failures but she knows  that in most cases, there can be do-overs and makeovers, there are plan Bs,Cs,...and Zs. More importantly, she is keenly aware that she has me and a huge support system that will get her through any life issue or crisis. She knows that though she may disappoint at times, she is loved  unconditionally and that our support is unwavering. 

Times have changed since I was a college student  bright with promise. Things are definitely more liberal. Yet I have prayed and cried and cried and prayed over this child. I think she will hold fast to her convictions and will not be easily swayed y her peers. I pray she makes wise choices and does the right thing. These four years are going to really shape the person she will ultimately become. Her choices in life are not a reflection of how well  I did or did  not parent. 

No matter what choices may come and what reservations or fears that I may have, I know without a shadow of a doubt that God has written EVERY one of her days and while I may not  be there, He is ALWAYS there.  It's time for her to completely trust Him to guide her through all of her days and give her wisdom when she faces challenges. It's time for  me to  relinquish the control I had over  His child-ever thankful that He trusted her to me for these past 17 years. It's time for me  to watch my baby really grow and soar to new heights. I am happy and excited, sad, and waiting in anticipation. While the parting was bittersweet, it was necessary. So there were no tears, just huge hugs and joy(and possibly pain) of the days to come as I left a big part of my heart in Providence, RI.

In Diva Love,

Pam