Monday, August 30, 2010

Glue

Glue has a couple of definitions. The definition that I am going to utilize for the purpose of this blog is "something that binds things together." Been thinking a lot about that lately. Here is why. Years ago, I had a friend tell me that I was the glue that bound a particular group of friends together. The group consisted mainly of  college buddies who each have distinctive personalities. Well honestly, I resented the observation and thought it was far from the truth. Then my life underwent a series of unplanned events and my family moved away. Long story short, she was right.

I have reflected often on that observation. I wondered what it meant for them and how it boded for me. I have continued to undergo quite a bit of change and as time would have it, our family is much closer to those same people once again and I guess everyone thought I should fall back into my role of making things happen. Well, hello! I ain't the same person and I didn't exactly pick right up where I left off. First off, I am kinda disappointed with the group. They made half hearted effort to maintain a level of closeness. No more cookouts, get togethers or things of that nature. I was in Albany, GA and could see the changes quite clearly.
Second, my season has changed. Yes, I am a "relationship person" but even we need to be poured into sometimes. You don't know how draining being the glue is till you get to step out of that role for a while. It doesn't mean you don't desire that closeness, but you simply don't have the fortitude to  maintain it or put it in place.

So why a blog about it? Well, partly because of a conversation where one of the individuals questioned my lack off enthusiasm for the aforementioned group of people. She thought I was distant and negative. What I really was was matter of fact. Number one, friendships(and really all relationships) require action from all involved parties. If it is valuable to you, you pursue it. God pursues us. Men are supposed to pursue women. It is just the nature of things. If those "friendships" were meant to survive, they should've done so in my absence. Phone calls work both ways. In this day of overwhelming technology, you can take the trifling way out and use Facebook or Twitter, you can send a text via cell phone or an e-mail. There is no reasonable excuse about why you can't connect with someone on a real or superficial level. Two, just because hospitality is your gift, doesn't mean you always want to entertain and host. Every once and  awhile, you want to be an invited guest. No worry of cleaning your house and having the essential(and non essential but often forgotten) items on hand. Finally, there just might be more pressing issues in your life and you just can't be all things to all people. perhaps, you have changed or your circumstances have changed. Or maybe you are just too exhausted to pull things together for other people. It is a daunting task and yep it is exhausting.

So who are you in your relationships? Are you the glue that binds things or are you one who needs to be drawn in? In any relationship, roles should change constantly. You need balance because relationships need give and take as we go through the ebb and flow of life. I am a people person and I used to be the glue. I think God definetely moved me out of that position for various reasons. I am still a people person but I realize that I sometimes need to be drawn in and held accountable too. I love to entertain but this year we have consciously done very little of it. I miss the fellowship it offered but I see that no one else is filling that void either. Now I am not saying that conversations about getting together aren't being had, they are. I have been involved in some of them. No one has stepped up to the plate. I see a pattern-the conversations happen but not action is taken. So it sounds good, but no can do. I often feel bad but not motivated to set up something concrete. So tell me what you think. Am I wrong for that? I don't know. I can tell you that I feel quite liberated not to be the one trying to hold things together. It is just where I am right now in my life...and I feel good about it. Till next time, pray hard and be a blessing! Peace!

Copyright August 30, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Diva Dialogue IX

I told you that I had a lot of things on my mind so here I go with my random thoughts for the past few weeks. There is no rhyme or reason just my thoughts on a wide range of subjects. Feel free to share your thoughts. I love to see/hear what other people think about a situation. My perception is my reality just as your perception is your reality.

First up is Home wreckers. Wow there are so many folks I could focus on. Let's start with Tiger. He and Elin have finalized their divorce. She should be a happy but well paid woman and he should be well on his way to getting his golf game back on track. Who will suffer? The babies! Of course there will be plenty of money for therapy. You can catch her one and only interview in the current issue of People magazine. Now I am leaving that topic completely alone. Alicia Keys. I love her music and philanthropic spirit but let's face it, she destroyed a home. She was well acquainted with SwizzBeatz and his family. After all they worked together for years. She's a powerful woman who could probably have any man that she wanted. She chose to deal with a man who was married with a family. Dead Wrong! According to the Tom Joyner Morning Show, women got up and left during her performance at the Essence Music Festival. Their position was that allowing her to perform went against the spirit of the festival which is to empower and uplift women. Do you agree or disagree? Fantasia. Where do I begin? I like Fantasia. She is in need of love but she is looking in all the wrong places. Fantasia needs several things. The first is a good therapist to help her love herself. She needs to swear off relationships for a while until she heals internally. Second, she needs a neutral person who is full of wisdom who can help her get on the right track in terms of money and family. Keisha Cole did it and Fantasia needs to do it. She needs to separate her family from her professional life and stop letting them leech off of her. Third, she needs to stand strong in her religious foundation. God did not allow her success with her suicide attempt because He has bigger and better plans for her life. Also, she has a daughter to live for and really this would not be the legacy you want to leave your child. I am rooting for Fantasia. I like her. She has talent, loved her in the Color Purple! We love comeback stories!


Next up is people killing their loved ones. I know it happens daily but it really drives me nuts and hurts my heart. I don't even know where to begin on this topic. I don't want anybody to love me so much that they have to kill me. Where is the love in that? In Cleveland, two professional women were killed by their husbands recently. Very sad. In one case, the husband was known to be abusive and the woman, a social worker, thought she could change the bad boy. Ladies, you can't change your man! If he's a dog when you meet him, he will still be a dog years later. Leopards don't change their spots. Then there is the woman who drowned her children in the car in South Carolina. She felt overwhelmed and not able to take care of them. Seriously? Was death really a better option for the kids or for her? I don't know much about mental illness but I know it is real. Maybe that is the problem. Maybe, we really just don't value life anymore. Not the lives of others or our own. God must be really heartbroken over that.


Was Michelle Obama wrong to take the trip to Spain? I don't think so. First and foremost, the Obamas were wealthy before they entered the White House. Second, don't we all travel where we want and spend our money in whatever way we want? Do we consider the economic state of others when we plan our vacations? No we don't. We do what is best for our own family and whatever we can afford. I don't envy Michelle Obama or her family. The scrutiny of everything would make me tell America to.....well, no I wouldn't stoop to that level but boy would I want to.


Who is watching the Real Housewives of DC? I am sick of those shows. Is the cast really reflective of DC? I would think that that cast could have definitely been more diverse. I am not watching. Of course I am not really a fan of any of them. I tuned into RHOA and I still wonder why? What is the pull for these shows? Are we really okay with television capitalizing off of women drama. Where is the positivity? I hate that we have become so obsessed with other peoples drama. What does that say about us? Do we need to watch the train wreck lives of others to feel better about our own messy lives? Just wondering?


Essence Magazine was recently under fire. The magazine that inspires and empowers African American women hired a Caucasian Fashion Director, Ellianna Placas. According to editor-in-chief Angela Bart Murray, she chose her "because of her creativity, vision, the positive reader response to her work and her enthusiasm and respect for the audience and our brand. We remain committed to celebrating the unique beauty and style of African-American women in Essence magazine and online at Essence.com." So folks what do you think? Can Placas accurately define and dictate the unique style of African American women? I guess only time will tell. I can tell you that Vogue and ELLE certainly don't celebrate our uniqueness. Let's face it, people of color definitely have a style all their own.


Do you think Wyclef Jean would make a viable candidate for Haiti? I will always see him as a pop singer. I loved the Fugees (Fugees - Greatest Hits). He is outspoken and passionate about his beloved country but is he really capable of running a country who has been consistently been hit with tragedy and natural disaster? I am not sure he;s the best candidate  but at this point, his chances have been knocked down by the courts who are questioning his residency since he is away from Haiti so often for business.


Speaking of tragedy and natural disaster, it has been five years since Hurricane Katrina. This weekend we are going to see a lot of coverage on where they are in terms of rebuilding. Spike Lee just debuted an HBO documentary on the subject. I haven't seen it but I understand that he did a better job with the documentary on the same subject a year after it happened than the current one. Honestly, I know that it will take a long time to really rebuild the area. It is not a place I'd ever want to live, visit maybe but live never. The BP oil spill definitely did not help. The people of New Orleans seem to be resilient. They are proud and strong. Hopefully, time will heal all wounds. In addition to rebuilding, there is much to do about education and economic development.

Okay so this is kinda long. This is my forum and I don't want to bore you. I am going to end here though. Happy Birthday, Diva Dorna! I hope you have a wonderful birthday celebration! I love you my Favorite sista-friend. Thanks for being there for me through whatever!

Satan is so busy folks. I hope when you think of me that you will lift me in prayer. Life keeps trying to give me lemons...I am a survivor so I am making lemonade, lemon bars, and lemon cake. Seriously though, Satan is a lair and he has come to steal kill and destroy. Let us all purpose in our hearts not to allow him to be successful. God is Our Victory and we need to stand through His power. Till next time, I wish you peace.

Copyright August 26, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

Monday, August 23, 2010

Faith-Do You Have It?

Has anyone ever wondered why some people have faith and others don't? I wonder it all the time. I grew up in the church and I have a strong faith based foundation. God really has never failed me so I put my trust in Him. Please don't think I am perfect and that my faith doesn't waiver...it does from time to time. Honestly , my experience is that the promises of God are true.

When trouble comes and finds me, as it usually does, I meditate on it for a while and then I let God do what He does. I have my own preconceived notions about how I'd like Him to move in situations and He never quite does it in the manner I expect. He does, however, always work in His time and His way. There is an old hymn that goes, "on Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand." I sing that verse to myself often because you really can't count on your spouse, your friends, or family 100% of the time but you can trust God to do and be all that He promises to be.  It took me becoming an adult to appreciate the truth and wisdom of that hymn.

I am currently out of fellowship and I feel more and more guilty about it on a daily basis. Being out of fellowship is one thing but being out of relationship is another. Despite not having a church to call home, I still pray and read my Bible and do devotions regularly. I love the Lord and I trust His plan for my life. He has blown my mind in countless ways as I go through this life's journey. God will find a way to humble you and let you know that He is in control and you are just a vessel  that He placed here to do His will. I know that some problems have worked out not because of my fleshly efforts but because I put my trust in Him to work things out. So most nights, I sleep peacefully and without anxiety or fear. I know He's in control, not me. We should all be thankful for that.

I encourage you to step out of your box and trust God with all of your stuff for just one day and see what happens. It is so wonderful not to feel burden by life's problems. Once you try one day, try another. If you stumble and become self reliant, God offers second and third( and infinite) chances. We are all works in progress. All it takes is the faith of a mustard seed. FYI-mustard seeds are really tiny. Should you need an account of how faithful God really is, read Hebrews 11. (Check out www.biblegateway.com). Till next time, I will be praying for you to increase your faith an I hope you will do the same for me! Ciao!

Copyright August 23, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Sorry I've Been Outta Touch

Hey folks! It is really hard to keep up with stuff when you are having a great summer. We just spent a wonderful ten day in Cleveland, OH. For those of you who don't know, Cleveland is home for me. I lived there until I moved to Baltimore, MD at the age of 22. It was a really fun trip. We got to see everyone and spend quality time with them. What a blessing! I make note of this because a lot of times we are only there for 3 or 4 days and it goes quick and we can't fit everyone in.


The weather was warm for Cleveland but felt like home to us. Unfortunately, my mom does not have AC and my kids thought they might die the first couple of days. Honestly, it was hot and I don't know how we made it without air but we did. Yep, it is official, we are spoiled.


We ate good and hung out with family and friends practically everyday. I grew up living next door to my grandparents so I think my children are missing out by being so far away from their relatives. It was nice to see them interact with their grandma and great-grandma. The memories of that time spent will hopefully be forever etched in their minds.

Thar said, I have a lot on my mind but I am sorta outta sorts. But needless to say, I AM BACK! I have a lot to share, vent, and discuss in general. So my posts will be back to normal. I have missed you and been thinking about all I have to share. For now, please accept my belated apology. Happy Birthday to my God-child, Kayla Renee Banks! Have a lovely weekend! Be safe!