Summer Roundup

As summer draws to a close, I have been remiss in writing my blog. Way too much fun to take the time and get it all out. So here’s a brief review of how I’ve spent what several of my friends are calling #theyearof50. After returning from Nawlins, I caught up with my friends, Van and Terry. No laughs spared with those two. This time we got to celebrate Van who got a new job. Next up was a celebration of my oldest BFF, Monica and her Golden birthday. What a great reason for the college BFF, Sonja and me to make a road trip to the place that built me. Hello, Cleveland! Guess who we got to hang out with there? My brother, Gerald. We saw lots of my family and friends and ate way too much but boy did we have a wonderful time. 

Monica planned a weekend long celebration with her very closest girlfriends and called it Monica 5.0. Talk about a fun time. Seven women embarked on downtown Cleveland, OH and had a blast. On Friday, we were supposed to do a Happy Hour boat ride but we enjoyed each other so much that wearrived at the pier and the boat had already departed. Not to be thwarted, we made arrangements to get on the boat on Saturday and came up with a new plan. The drinks and conversation flowed effortlessly despite the fact that some of us had never met each other. We ended up doing a small photo shoot in downtown Cleveland and eventually made our way to Michaels Simon’s restaurant, Mabel’s BBQ. Let’s just characterize that as a meat fest. Then we made our way to the chocolate bar for late night drinks. To say I felt like a stuffed pig would be an understatement.

On Saturday, it was a bit dreary so we took our time motivating. Once we got it together, we did another mini photo shoot and headed to the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Can you believe that this native Clevelander hadn’t ever set foot in that place? What a gem! It was a great experience because I absolutely can’t live without music. There is much to experience and learn about the history of Rock and Roll. I think the layout is pretty nice and I didn’t feel like there was a need to rush through any area of the museaum. While I think there might be way too much information on Elvis, I learned a lot and was impressed with the artifacts on display throughout the museum. I loved the Evolution of Hip-Hop and silly me got a great picture with my favorite artist, the Purple one, Prince. Once done, we got ourselves together to take the boat ride. We did not miss the Goodtime III this time. A dance party was the theme and the people watching was epic. It was a gorgeous night to see Cleveland’s skyline from Lake Erie. Sunday culminated with one more group photo and a lovely brunch where a few more folks joined us and brought Monica’s 5.0 to an end. 

After hanging our with more of my family, Sonja and I made it back to the DMV safe and sound. My July culminated in celebrating my niece, Jayla’s  6th birthday. That stinker is growing up way to fast. After an impromptu dinner, she choraled us into a dance party and and game night. On a sad note, we bid her and the rest of my sister’s family goodbye as they relocated to Rochester, NY. My month ended with a bowling fundraiser for PAGE, Inc. That is a non-profit, started by my friend Telia, to help teens succeed in every area of life. August brought me back to reality. Work was calling and we had to be ready for a new group of students. We bid good bye to one of the Village children and headed to Baltimore for those farewell festivities. It was a great opportunity for us to catch up with our friends who are like family and some people with whom we used to attend church. Sonja and I once again to a quick road trip to NC to drop off my godchild for her last year of college at NCAT. 

I got to visit with my brother once again and even got to see him perform two pieces in a spoken word event. My own Thorpettes also embarked on their own journies as seniors in their respective schools. My older one will graduate in May from  JWU and the younger one is completing his last year of high school. Time flies. Next year this time, I will be an empty nester. What a bittersweet, but sobering thought.  So sobering that I ended my summer with a trip to a winery I hadn’t visited before. This past weekend, I was fortunate enough to attend a performance of Hamilton at the Kennedy Center. It was worth the hype! I loved the diversity of the cast and found the production quite entertaining. If only I could’ve learned history this way. 

I am ready for Fall. It’s been a full summer and I have enjoyed every moment of it. God is good and I feel blessed to have spent most of my time with the people I love and care about the most. Count your blessings and remember, life is about experiences and the people you encounter along the way. The year of 50 is shaping up just fine. Again, I am here for it all. I apologize for the length of this post and I will try to be more diligent about posting. In the meantime, get busy living because life is precious and it waits for no man (or woman). 

   

                      

In Diva Love, 

Pamela 👑💜🙏🏽

June’s Golden Celebration

June is and always will be the best month of the year. This past June, God allowed me to see another year of life and I happily celebrated turning 50 in grand style as only a diva like me could. While there is longevity in my family, I don’t take a single day of life for granted. I’ve been through a lot and I’ve learned a lot. I don’t take any experience for granted and I have embraced the lessons. I trust God and continue to pray through everything. I am looking forward to all that life and the next 50 years have to offer. Winning a huge lottery would help to fulfill quite a few of those dreams not only for me but my loved ones as well. I digress. 🤷🏽‍♀️. While my actual birthday was pretty low-key in terms of celebration, it was a good day. I always celebrate the entire month and this year was no exception. So I had a vision for my birthday but obviously I was procrastinations a little to much for my BFFs. They took over the planning and put together a wonderful Boozy Birthday Celebration.We kicked off the weekend with drinks, appetizers, and karaoke. On Saturday, We did a sip and paint and culminated with a nice dinner at the Chart house. We managed to sneak in a photo shoot too. A Sunday brunch culminated a wonderful celebration. I am eternally grateful for the women God has placed in my life to be my best friends. They gave me exactly what I wanted and the people who were meant to celebrate with me were present. Father’s Day weekend caused a few folks to miss due to other obligations but that allowed me to keep celebrating for several more weeks into July.

In addition to me celebrating my birthday, I had the pleasure of having one of my dearest friends spend a weekend with me here in VA. We hit up a winery and got to check out the soft opening of the Alamo Draft house. I love the concept of having drinks and a meal served to you while you watch a movie. I also got to see my niece’s efforts a she was in her first dance recital. It was a real cute rendition of Cinderella. The month concluded with a lovely trip to New Orleans to witness the nuptials of my step-son and his beautiful bride. I hung out with my sister in love and once again ate my way through one of my favorite hot places. I wasn’t trying to be too touristy this time, but if you get an opportunity, I would highly encourage you to visit the World War II Museum. It was a very interactive, well planned museum with lots of information and artifacts. The museum is laid out well and flows beautifully. It was a good one on one with my youngest Thorpette. Can’t believe that kid is going to be a high school senior this Fall. 

If you took the the time to participate in my birthday bash, I appreciate you. I had a blast. I am always grateful for the love and support of my friends and family. June was better than I expected and more than I could wish for. Reflecting on the month and May too, I know that relationships shouldn’t be taken for granted. Love hard on your family and friends and enjoy the moments you get to make memories. I am no longer #flirtingwtih50, I am 50! Fierce and fabulous! I can see their will be changes ahead. With God, I am here for Every. Single. Bit. Of. It.

Cheers 🥂  to 50 Years!!!

In Diva Love,

Pamela 🎂💜👑🥂🍷🙏🏽❤️😘

Random Reflections-May, 2018

The past three months seem to have been one big epic celebration of life and people I love dearly. I guess that’s why it’s been so long since I’ve made a post. I’m still here and I have enjoyed the season. May kicked off with a forced celebration of my brother, Gerald. He celebrated his 47th birthday here in Virginia with me. By forced, I mean, he imposed a Chapter 47 Shenanigans weekend long birthday celebration on my sister and me. While I balked at planning the weekend, it was one of the best times I’ve had with my family and friends. I got to see several relatives that I had not laid eyes on since 2005. Crazy right? I guess God was in the details because it turned out that my paternal family would be in Baltimore to celebrate my cousin receiving her Masters in Nursing. We started out with a Taco Game Night, where no games were played because we were too busy catching up, eating and drinking. On Saturday we had an actual birthday party that lasted late into the night. Sunday ended with a brunch. No party is complete unless my BFFs are in the house...each of them showed up to partake in the shenanigans and I’m sure they will all say it was worth the trip. I think Gerald was extremely pleased with they way everything turned out. No matter how far apart you are or how long it’s been, it’s great to come together and seem to have never missed a beat. Best takeaway from that weekend was that both brothers were in town at the same time so we could finally get a picture of them with both my sister and me. Trust me when I tell you, we are never in the same place at the same time. I’m including a collage so you can see how much fun was had.

Aren’t you sad you didn’t get to join us?

In Diva Love,

Pam 👑❤️😘

Wordless Wednesday-July 5, 2017

In Diva Love, 

Pamela 👑❤️

New Orleans or Bust?

Last year I wasn't able to take a trip, much to my dismay. That hadn't been the case in years. This year I made it happen with two of my best friends. We spent five days in New Orleans and we had a fabulous time. If you haven't been there, I encourage you to see this city filled with all sorts of things to do. 

We did a swamp tour and learned more about alligators than we ever expected. Fascinating creatures several of whom we got to see up close. We also saw the area Swamp People is filmed in. We had a snowball. We had beignets. The three of us might be the only people on the planet who were unimpressed. And yes, they were from Cafe Du Monde. We visited the 9th ward and checked out the 9th Ward Living Museum. Talk about a sobering experience. This was it. The information gleaned there made me disappointed to be an American. We have so far to go. Can you believe only one school has been rebuilt since Hurricane Katrina? Unacceptable! 

We visited Jackson Square as well as the French Market. We met local artist too. Check out Frenchy's studio if you can. Music, of course, was everywhere.  We found that we enjoyed our experience better on Frenchmen Street than on Bourbon Street. It was a bit quieter and less touristy. We missed out on seeing a wedding or funeral. We also didn't make it to the McKenna African American Museum. We breezed through the Music Legends Museum. You can sit and have a drink there. 

Being the well round women that we are we tried to balance entertainment and education on this trip. I think we accomplished that. Not only did we learn a ton at the Mardi Gras museum but we also toured the Whitney Plantation. There is a wealth of information there and again we were reminded that America's history is not great and again we left the experience with a sense of heaviness. We also appreciate that God saw fit for none of us to be born during slavery. Oh and the "Big House" wasn't that impressive or big. LOL. 

No trip would be complete without discussing food, especially in New Orleans. We indulged in our fair share of seafood, shrimp and grits, and gumbo. We had hurricanes and a sazerac. We had lunch at one of Emeril's restaurants. The food was good but it wasn't our best meal there. While touring residential areas and looking a huge but beautiful homes in the Market street area, we found a gem of a restaurant called the Superior Grill and oyster house. That meal was simply awesome. Another great dining experience was had at Jacques Imo's. You can find Frenchy's art studio down the street. What we liked better than beignets were the buttermilk drops from the buttermilk drop bakery. Yum! Grilled oysters are good and I certainly don't love raw oysters. We had breakfast at a neighborhood café called Surrey's. It was excellent and they sell New Orleans inspired art right of the walls. Best bananas foster French toast ever and I'm not a huge French toast fan. 

We decided we could probably return to the area and have a completely different experience because there is a ton of things to do and see. It is definitely a great place to people watch. We got in as much as we wanted to. The folks there are extremely hometown proud. I don't think I realized the number of institutions of higher learning that were there. The fleur de lis is everywhere. Not necessarily a symbol to be proud of once you know it's history. 😳. You can eat and drink pretty much any and everywhere. Every place boasts the best creole/gumbo experience. When you visit don't be afraid to go off the beaten path...there are many gems to be found. I'm sure there's no place quite like New Orleans, Louisiana. I gotta go plan my next trip.  Till then.....peace!

 

In Diva Love, 

Pam 😊

Thankful Me

Happy Thanksgiving to each of you! Right now, I am sitting here with a full tummy watching football with my family. It's a good night even though some family is not here-they are in other places. I am so thankful that we had an awesome meal-My fam can throw down in the kitchen so we are never disappointed.. I am blessed to be in North Carolina with my sister in law, niece, and nephew. It has been nine and a half years since I've seen the kids, who are now wonderful young adults.

I am reminded that despite the trials and tribulations that I experience daily, God is good and I remain extremely blessed even when the lessons are painful. I am here with my children. We arrived safely despite the rain and even a bit of snow that followed us from Virginia to North Carolina. It is a blessing to see the children all interact without any awkwardness. It is also funny to see them all sitting on the sofa with at least one device in hand. It's driving my sister in law nuts.

I have heard from almost all the people who mean the most to me. I have posted a thankful post every day this month on Facebook. Some days, my posts were deep and others, they were mundane and frivolous but still, I had much to be thankful for. Not just during this season, but every day of the year. The holidays are difficult for many but hopefully despite missing their loved ones, they too realize that they are blessed.

God has always been good to me. He shows me favor in great ways and small. Any problems or worries usually end up being a waste of time and energy. I simply need to remember that He has never ever left me alone or without a solution better than I could conceive for myself. I am trying daily to surrender all to Him--all my fears, troubles, worries, desires, and burdens. It is not easy but it does build my faith.

If you are reading my blog, you too have many reasons to be thankful. You are here. You are breathing. You woke up this morning. You have electricity. You have food, clothing, and shelter. You have enough. In other words, you are blessed.  I hope you have given thanks with a grateful heart. As we wind down the year, remember to bless others. Pay it forward in some small way. Be kind, be giving, and smile. Let the love of Christ and all that He has done for you shine brightly throughout this season. Count your blessings!

In Diva Love,

Pam

You Need a Friend or Two

I spent part of my weekend hanging out with several of my good girlfriends. Of course we couldn't get together without seeing The Best Man Holiday.  Like most women who saw the film, we laughed and cried and laughed some more. We thoroughly enjoyed the male eye candy. Morris Chestnut is mighty fine! Seriously though, the movie was good, really good. It was a worthy sequel to a much adored film.

I am not reviewing the movie. I just want to give it a shout out because it was an ode to life and friendship. If you live long enough, you will see friends come and go, and you will experience the highs and lows of life with them. Sometimes, you will have epic battles that strain the relationship, and at others, life's blows will make those battles insignificant and draw you back together because you can't imagine any other folks who could share this experience with you.

The Best Man Holiday is a life film. It isn't a Black film. You can check out a great blog on that here: blog.  It is my story and it can easily be your story, whoever you are. We all get by with a lil help from our friends--Those friends who know our hearts and for whom no explanation for the craziness in your life is needed.  I have those and I hope you do too. I encourage you to see the film. It will lend to great discussion afterward, even if you didn't already know and love each and every one of the characters. Then, celebrate the people you cherish most, the friends that see you through thick and thin, that are your ride or dies. Life is short, don't be lonely-open your heart! Proverbs 27:17(NLT) says," As iron sharpens, iron, so a friend sharpens a friend". Who in your world is sharpening you?

In Diva Love,

Pam

Weekend Reflections Revisited

Last week I had a lot on my mind. Today is National Hoodie Day to demand justice for Trayvon Martin. Did you wear yours? This situations till bothers me. It pisses me off that the GOP candidates have had little or nothing to say on the issue. They are all idiots anyway and this simply further confirms it in my mind.  Once the matter is finally resolved, I am hoping we will take a serious stand on Black on Black crime. The murder rate in some of our largest cities is absolutely appalling. We can't keep crying out for justice when one of our children is gunned down senselessly by another race if we aren't willing to take that same stance when we abuse and mistreat each other. Now that is something to think about.

On Saturday, I posted a friendship blog before I gallivanted off to hang with my college friends. I was sort of nonchalant and not very excited. Well, we did have a great time laughing, crying, and coming up with a plan for world peace. Actually, 6 out of  7 of us showed up and we progressed like we'd never been apart. It was a non-stressful day. On Sunday, God had me rethink friendship in light of the blog on the day before. On Sunday, I along with several other ladies, some of whom I consider friends and others I'd classify as acquaintances spent the entire day with another friend. I am in a Bible Study with these women and I also pray with some of them for Moms in Prayer( formerly Moms in Touch, Intl.). Now this was not your run of the mill everyday friend gathering. We had been asked to come to the hospital to pray for and surround a family in love. 

Long story short, the family was in a crisis situation. It is a situation you don't want to see anyone you care about have to deal with. They had some very tough decisions to make.  My friend's ten year old son's health has deteriorated rapidly in the past few months and they didn't think he was going to make it through the day. He did survive the night and as of this posting, he is going to hospice with minimal survival intervention. The parents are at peace with the situation and trusting God with everything else. Why this situation caused me to reflect on friendship is varied. First of all, to be called upon to come in such a dire situation is a privilege and honor. It is heart-wrenching to witness a family's pain and agony. To pray in the midst of everything is also a privilege. I love the family dearly but this is not a girlfriend I hang out with. It is just an unwritten rule that we have each others back. 

As I watched everything play out(and I did feel like I was having an out of body experience at some points) I thought that if I was ever in crisis, this scene would play out for me. We came without question to do whatever needed to be done. We experienced every manner of emotion in a 7-8 hour period. We called our spouses and they came without question and jumped in without reservation. As I type this, I am getting teary. I am so thankful that God has blessed me with friends like this. These aren't people I hang out with and chat up on the phone but they are people who I pray with and perhaps that is more personal and represents a stronger bond. I am not saying that I can't pray with my college friends because we've been there and  done that in the midst of some serious life issues and I know we will do it again. It's just that yesterday really showed me that God's body is truly connected and we can't function with out all the parts. (Ref: Romans 12:3-8) Not only do friendships have their seasons but every friendship is different with its own unique flavor. Don't take for granted that person with whom you have limited history but hardly ever have lunch with or call on the phone. I discovered that she values me despite our limited time together. She respected my ability to seek God's face on her behalf. She felt comfortable sharing her pain and anguish and to me that meant she knew the real bond of friendship. God is all knowing and ever mindful of what we need. I needed a fresh perspective on some things and perhaps you do too. I also needed an attitude adjustment. Life is short and precious. Don't sweat the small stuff. Value the friendships you have and cherish the moments you are given. They may be short or they may last a lifetime but give your all and don't worry about the future. Make sure your real aim is to please an Audience of ONE. Peace!

In Reflective Diva Love, 

Pam

Seasons Change

Happy Saturday everyone. I am going to spend the afternoon with my college girlfriends. We all live in the DMV(except one who is on the mission field in South Africa-she is joining us) but life keeps us apart more than it should. As I anticipate seeing these women who have been with me through so many of my life's highlights, I am forced to reflect on how much relationships change over time. The Bible says it best, "To everything, there is a season." (ref: Ecclesiastes 3:1 NKJV)

Once young and idyllic, I could not see how true this really would be. Of course there is nothing new under the sun and our God is wise and all-knowing. There are seven of us and two have not checked in to say that they will be in attendance. They are sort of off the radar. Not unusual, it is what it is. What' is funny about all this is that each of our unique roles in this group have changed. It is comical. A friend once told me that "you are the glue that hold the group together." Oh I argued with her and shot her down. Imagine my surprise when I had to confess to her how correct she had been in her assessment. I went away and well, things sorta fell apart. Upon my return, I sorta fell back into my old role but my heart wasn't there. Oh I still loved these women fiercely but my days of orchestrating and planning were OVER. I had moved on. Life had dealt me a hand and I had to change and embrace it. 

Honestly, we have all changed. Life has dealt all of us our own hands. We have each chosen to handle things as best we can. At the core, we all love each other but things have changed. We have had to rally in big ways and small. We have had to adapt and change our support systems. Some one else is the glue. Some have retreated under the pressure of life's circumstance. If you don't tell any one how bad things are, then not only can you not get help but you can't be judged either. I say it all the time, this blog is my therapy. I work my issues out on you. I am always happy to see these women but my excitement has waned. Sometimes it seems as if it is too much work to remain a functioning group. I just wonder if you all are in the same place. Are you mourning the loss of the way things used to be? Are you embracing the changes of your friendships? Have your friendships changed over the years in ways that you couldn't foresee? Do you have friendships that always pick up where they left off no matter what? Those friendships exist with the ladies that I grew up with(at home).  Are you accepting of these things? Just wondering! I am in a melancholy frame of mind. Hope I have a great afternoon! I hope you do too! Ciao!

In Ambivalent Diva Love,

Pam

Diva Dialogue-May, 2011

Well May is not quite over but nonetheless, I got something to say. Well, I always have something to say but hey I have been MIA and I know you all are wondering why. May is not the best month for me. It signifies so many things, good and bad. As usual, this one was no exception. May tends to be an emotional month for me. My dad passed in May and though it has been six years, sometimes it seems like yesterday. Our relationship was complicated. That is another blog for the future. Let's suffice it to say that despite the complexities, no one person has ever been less judgmental. Without a doubt, I knew he loved me. Some days, I just wanna hear his voice and see him interact with his grandchildren. Unfortunately, I only have memories and hopefully they will not fade any time soon.

I realized how much of a wishy-washy relationship I have with Facebook. I love that I have connected with old friends and acquaintances. I hate how people use it. I try to be positive. My messages are not issued subliminally and I don't project my life drama in my statuses. Anyway, I went to write on the Wall of a friend who had been on my mind. Lo and behold, I notice messages of condolences to her and her twins. My heart immediately skipped a beat. Long story short, her husband had passed away unexpectedly the day before. We are talking an individual the same age as me in the prime of their life. Made me pause and think that life is short and you betta tell your loved ones what they mean to you. Forgive easily too. I am holding my friend in prayer because I don't know how I would deal with becoming a widow at such a young age. I did talk to her and I commended her for her strength but I reminded her to take her time to grieve the loss of her hubby/best friend/soul mate. Society has no patience for people and their pain. Grief is necessary and all the stages must be dealt with for you to be healthy and move forward. It is a never ending process too.  I encouraged her to get a grief counselor for her and her children. 

Okay, okay! I am bringing you down, huh? Well, on a lighter note, I attended my 25th Class Reunion. I had not returned to the hallowed halls of Laurel School since I graduated. There really wasn't a reason. Just not convenient. I went to a private all girls school. I got an excellent education and some experiences that I would never have in a public school.  A couple of classmates started campaigning early to make sure I'd attend. I made them a promise and I followed through. I had an awesome time catching up with the girls. It was a blast to see where life had taken us over the years. It was also cool to reflect on the past but I'm thankful that time had changed us for the better. (SN: I was a minority child in a sea of non-minority faces. (Think about 6 of 58). I was a scholarship recipient amongst girls who got BMWs and Benzs for their 16th birthdays. I went home to the city, they went home to suburban sprawl.....you get the picture). The reunion was well attended. Yes, we had a record turnout. I was happy I was a part of the celebration and I have a much better appreciation of the women we each have become.

Yesterday was my 15th Wedding Anniversary. Wow! All I can say is that is has been a whirlwind relationship. Some up, some downs, and everything in between. Last year was a rough year for us and some times I wanted to walk away. Nothing worth having isn't worth fighting for. My husband is a good man. We both have issues and some times getting past them and working through them is a difficult task. Our union is one for the storybooks and so to keep it simple, we weathered the storm. Oh we both know there are more to come. For me, prayer and communication are the key. For him, it may be something else. What we know is that we love each other and we work well together. We have fun together. We have two awesome children who make us crazy. We both like wine and food and travel. We have aging parents and grandparents who we worry about. We have life stuff, just like every one else but at the end of the day, it is in each others arms that we find love, trust, and understanding. I wish that for every one. So we raise a glass to the next 15 years of love, life, and drama. I encourage married folks who are having a difficult period to stay the course and trust God.  I love Dmitri more now than the day we said, "I do!"

The month is almost over. The grill will be going, the wine will flow. We will share it with good friends. I will bid my dear friend Rose a sad so long as she returns to South Africa where she is a missionary sharing the gospel and mentoring others to grow their relationship with Christ. I will wish my dear friend Yvonne a Happy 50th birthday. We will light a candle in honor of Julius Luciano Torres, our nephew lost to SIDS. His 1st birthday would have been celebrated on May 30th. If you remember, please say a prayer for his parents, Tiffany and Dennis. The past few months have been difficult for them as it would for anyone who suffers loss of a baby. Two of my nephews will graduate and so will my 3rd child born to my friend, Dorna! The future looks bright and I wish Tre, Lorin, and Bryan well in their future endeavors. I have high hopes for each of them. Then on to the best month of the year June! Geminis unite! LOL! My birthday is coming. School will be over! Praise the Lord! Well, I gotta go! I love you all! Be safe this Memorial Day Weekend! Don't drink and drive! Be blessed and be a blessing! Ciao!

Copyright on May 26, 2011 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

Glue

Glue has a couple of definitions. The definition that I am going to utilize for the purpose of this blog is "something that binds things together." Been thinking a lot about that lately. Here is why. Years ago, I had a friend tell me that I was the glue that bound a particular group of friends together. The group consisted mainly of  college buddies who each have distinctive personalities. Well honestly, I resented the observation and thought it was far from the truth. Then my life underwent a series of unplanned events and my family moved away. Long story short, she was right.

I have reflected often on that observation. I wondered what it meant for them and how it boded for me. I have continued to undergo quite a bit of change and as time would have it, our family is much closer to those same people once again and I guess everyone thought I should fall back into my role of making things happen. Well, hello! I ain't the same person and I didn't exactly pick right up where I left off. First off, I am kinda disappointed with the group. They made half hearted effort to maintain a level of closeness. No more cookouts, get togethers or things of that nature. I was in Albany, GA and could see the changes quite clearly.
Second, my season has changed. Yes, I am a "relationship person" but even we need to be poured into sometimes. You don't know how draining being the glue is till you get to step out of that role for a while. It doesn't mean you don't desire that closeness, but you simply don't have the fortitude to  maintain it or put it in place.

So why a blog about it? Well, partly because of a conversation where one of the individuals questioned my lack off enthusiasm for the aforementioned group of people. She thought I was distant and negative. What I really was was matter of fact. Number one, friendships(and really all relationships) require action from all involved parties. If it is valuable to you, you pursue it. God pursues us. Men are supposed to pursue women. It is just the nature of things. If those "friendships" were meant to survive, they should've done so in my absence. Phone calls work both ways. In this day of overwhelming technology, you can take the trifling way out and use Facebook or Twitter, you can send a text via cell phone or an e-mail. There is no reasonable excuse about why you can't connect with someone on a real or superficial level. Two, just because hospitality is your gift, doesn't mean you always want to entertain and host. Every once and  awhile, you want to be an invited guest. No worry of cleaning your house and having the essential(and non essential but often forgotten) items on hand. Finally, there just might be more pressing issues in your life and you just can't be all things to all people. perhaps, you have changed or your circumstances have changed. Or maybe you are just too exhausted to pull things together for other people. It is a daunting task and yep it is exhausting.

So who are you in your relationships? Are you the glue that binds things or are you one who needs to be drawn in? In any relationship, roles should change constantly. You need balance because relationships need give and take as we go through the ebb and flow of life. I am a people person and I used to be the glue. I think God definetely moved me out of that position for various reasons. I am still a people person but I realize that I sometimes need to be drawn in and held accountable too. I love to entertain but this year we have consciously done very little of it. I miss the fellowship it offered but I see that no one else is filling that void either. Now I am not saying that conversations about getting together aren't being had, they are. I have been involved in some of them. No one has stepped up to the plate. I see a pattern-the conversations happen but not action is taken. So it sounds good, but no can do. I often feel bad but not motivated to set up something concrete. So tell me what you think. Am I wrong for that? I don't know. I can tell you that I feel quite liberated not to be the one trying to hold things together. It is just where I am right now in my life...and I feel good about it. Till next time, pray hard and be a blessing! Peace!

Copyright August 30, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

Pray for Me

Today was not a great one, in fact, it was quite crappy. Despite that, God sent continuous reminders to me that He loves me and He has placed the right people in my life. I am thankful for friends who call out of the blue and tell me that they love me and are praying for me.  Love ya, Mina! I needed that at just that moment. I am also thankful for those friends who let you vent endlessly and then help you understand that you are not alone. Love ya Gochi and Tracie. I called DJ to do something and he bounded up the stairs with "Yes beautiful mother what so yo want your handsome son to do?" I cracked up because he was so charming and sincere.

Dmitri and I had a disagreement and it wasn't cute. I wasn't feeling him at all. After several hours, he came and apologized and gave me a huge hug and kiss. Then when a rainstorm came from out of nowhere, he grabbed me by the hand and said, "let's go stand in the rain." I went despite my reservations. Y'all know I'm an African American woman and our hair and the rain are not on friendly terms! Again, he hugged me and held me. We agreed to disagree and to try to work on some issues. He is home for the next week and a half so it would behoove us to not be pissed with each other.

If you know me well, you know that I stand by the fact that marriage isn't easy. It is not for the faint-hearted. You will need prayer and support even in the best situations. It would be easy to throw in the towel. For better or worse is different for everybody and no one can tell you how to handle your marriage situation but God is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all that we ask or think.(Eph. 3:20) Ahh but we do have to ask in order to receive. Whenever I drift too far from God, He will provide a situation to send me to my knees. Thankfully, He is there waiting patiently for me to return to His love and guidance. So often we forget to turn to Him for an intervention into our situation. We also forget to have other believers intercede for us. Sometimes, you just can't pray for yourself. You need a little help from your friends. There is never a such thing as too much prayer.

So I am feeling better and my day has turned around. I know some saints have prayed for me. Thank God! Also, I am thankful that there is a thing called a second chance or in God's case a tenth or eightieth chance. Don't sit idly by and let life happen. God is in the details and He cares for you. Put your trust in Him and call on other saints to help get you through. Till next time, pray for me and your friends. You never know who needs a prayer lifted on their behalf. Peace!

Copyright June22, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

Same but Different

Here's another blog written by my friend, Dorna. She has taken the liberty to sum up our friendship and she did it so well. I love her like a sister and I can neither add nor subtract from what she has written. I hope each and everyone of you has at least one friend like Dorna in your corner. We've laughed together, cried together, and just simply had fun together. No pretense and very little drama along the way. Oh and because of her, I gave guacamole another chance and will eat it in small quantities. So here is my girl, Dorna, in her own words.........

Same Kind of Different As Me
Last year this time I was walking through Barnes and Noble (one of my absolute favorite places) and saw the book, Same Kind of Different As Me, in the bargain section. I knew nothing about it being a book club selection of many or that it had been a best seller. I was totally captivated by the title because it immediately made think of My Favorite, Pam Thorpe! Pam and I share a really special deep friendship that has developed in a fairly short time. One day during a visit, I had an epiphany and I said “Pam, we’re the same, but different!” Which of course made us bust out laughing because it just sounded so silly! It is, in fact, the truest statements I’ve ever made and we find ourselves still saying it and understanding the comfort in the knowledge.

I met Pam in November of 2005 while we were both in the Godforsaken place of Albany, GA!! Both of us had relocated from relative normalcy and displaced to The Place Time Left Behind; connecting via her husband with whom I worked. We came together passively and more out of a sense of need for connection but we grew over the next 6 months to actively seeking each other out. The summer of 2006 we began to spend a lot of time together as her husband was out of the country. We both had children (my daughter then 12, her daughter 8 & son 4), loved to talk, cook, read and most of all laugh!! We shared some of our best meals with our combined cooking and meager money. The more time we shared together, it became evident we really liked each other and had kindred spirits!! I had a new REAL friend and FAVORITE!!

The sameness of Pam and me has helped me at times to know that I’m not such a misfit. We both are strong, intelligent, confident African-American women. We both went to private and public schools with diverse populations; sometimes predominately white. We both have the same top pet peeves: rudeness, selfishness and mean people!! We are both outgoing, easily making friends; having strong passions and values. We love mixing it up with diverse folks and being in the thick of things. Family is extremely important to us and we believe in the village concept of child rearing, much to our children’s chagrin. We are both problem solvers but we are both capable of raising hell if the issue warrants it!!

Where Pam and I are different makes for the wonderfulness of our friendship!! Pam doesn’t like guacamole…that’s just un-American!! :) Pam has the best gift of discernment and analysis. Although I’m analytical, I’m sometimes too tunneled (or oblivious) to discern the truth about things or people. Because of Pam though, I am becoming more trusting of my own instincts. Pam’s faith is really strong, whereas I’m not as far in my walk, she continues to encourage me with her shining example (..this little light of mine…!).

Pam and I now live 700 miles apart and I miss the ability to see her face to face, though we talk regularly. Truthfully, there are days that I feel like Pam gets the short end our friendship because she is a wonderful person with a generous, giving heart and spirit. She never fails to brighten my day and lifts my spirits when we chat. I can call and ask her the craziest question or have a really deep conversation. I would fight for her and would want her, along with my sister Robin, at my side in a fight. If I had to pay her for all of the psychotherapy /advice she has given, she would be RICH! Instead, my life is richer because of her friendship!! Everyone should be so lucky to have a friend like her!! Pam is the 2nd sister I wish my mother had given me, but God was kind enough to bring her to me. The best part of our differences is that we can RESPECT each other regardless and LOVE each other unconditionally!! Unfortunately, not many friendships/relationships have this attribute. Our friendship celebrates the fact that we are same, but different!

Copyright February 18, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

Keep Your Friends Close and your Frenemies Closer

What is a frenemy you ask? A frenemy is a supposed friend who doesn't quite treat you right. Yes, it is defined in popular dictionaries. So is the person a friend or an enemy? Both dictionary.com and Websters define a frenemy in a way that shows that the friend is a fake with bad intentions. I like Dictionary.com's definition best. "A person who is ostensibly friendly or collegial with someone but who is actually antagonistic or competitive."

Do you have someone in your life who fits that description? I hope not but let's be real, you probably do. I hate to say it but I have a frenemy or two and so do most of my friends. I think my mama even has a frenemy or two. So who is this person and what is really going on with them? Maybe the person is jealous of you, maybe they don't feel that they measure up and you are their model of perfection so they are in your space to get something learn from you.

I hope at this age none of us is guilty of smiling in a person's face and then stabbing or talking about them behind their backs. That was elementary and middle school stuff that should have been left behind. Our friendships should be authentic, honest, and true. We should seek to spur our friends to greatness, not tear them down.

As a parent, it is important to exemplify realness in friendships for my daughter. I so don't want to see her placed in position to get hurt, but I know, it will eventually be inevitable. She's popular, but even popular girls have their fair share of frenemy encounters. I constantly remind her to be careful of her text messages, IMs, and social networking sites. I am on Facebook, and I have received friend requests from people who I think simply want to get in my business. I have had discussions with my friends and I know it is not just me. My husband wants an acquaintance button to distinguish friends from associates. He really hates to bestow the friendship title on someone who really isn't his friend.

In an age where we have instant access to everything and reality television has extremely high ratings, we seek out the familiar, even if the familiar wasn't our cup of tea in the past. I warn you all to be cautious of what you put out there as well as how much information you allow others to have on you. Everyone is not meant to be a part of your audience. Some will really be in your corner, others are simply haters. Let your haters be your motivators. There is nothing like overcoming the naysayers.

If you are superficial in your relationships, check yourself. The person who may be hurt the most is you. When Jesus encountered anyone, He met their basic needs first and then He made a positive change in their lives. He is our greatest example of how to be a friend. Philippians 2:3-4(NKJV) states, "let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others." The New Year is approaching, commit to being authentic in each and every relationship that you are in. Life is too short to be phony, cutting the loss may make room for the real blessing that God has in store for you.

Copyright December 8, 2009 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

Friends......How Many of Us Have Them

Friendship is near and dear to me. A life without at least one really good friend would be rather empty. I thrive on people contact. I love to hear what people think and feel. I like to see what makes them tick. I have a diverse group of friends who are spread out all over the place. I am sure you do too. I love them and I am guilty of taking for granted that they will be there forever.


Friends are the folks who know you best. They let you have your drowning in sorrow moments but then they help pull you out of the mud and move forward. (ref: Ecclesiastes 4:10) It's your "goto person" as they say on my favorite television show (Grey's Anatomy). It's your ride or die friend. It is the person who loves you despite what they know about you. It is the person you expect to share everything with and to always be there. Have you told your closest friends that they mean something to you. Have you told them that you love them and appreciate their presence in your life? Can you really speak the truth to them in love?


Friendships are precious. They need to be nurtured. Friendships are relationships. God has called us into relationships and we are to treat those relations with care.  Today, I challenge you to inspire and encourage your friends. Let them know how they impact your life. I do not mean send them a darn chain e-mail, either. Examine the friendship closely and insure it is not negative. If it is, weigh the pros and cons and take action to change it. Remember, some friendships are only meant to last a season.


What does friendship mean to you? Are you a giver or taker in the relationship? Are you as available to your friend as they are to you in your time of need? That is not to say that occasionally the relationship will not be lop-sided but that should not always be the case. To have a friend you have to be a friend. So tell me, what things define a true friendship. I know what I think but I want to know what you think. I will post a future blog about your responses. So please share! Till next time, I gotta go!

Copyright:  September 14 , 2009 by Pamela Cole Thorpe