Do you have someone in your life who fits that description? I hope not but let's be real, you probably do. I hate to say it but I have a frenemy or two and so do most of my friends. I think my mama even has a frenemy or two. So who is this person and what is really going on with them? Maybe the person is jealous of you, maybe they don't feel that they measure up and you are their model of perfection so they are in your space to
I hope at this age none of us is guilty of smiling in a person's face and then stabbing or talking about them behind their backs. That was elementary and middle school stuff that should have been left behind. Our friendships should be authentic, honest, and true. We should seek to spur our friends to greatness, not tear them down.
As a parent, it is important to exemplify realness in friendships for my daughter. I so don't want to see her placed in position to get hurt, but I know, it will eventually be inevitable. She's popular, but even popular girls have their fair share of frenemy encounters. I constantly remind her to be careful of her text messages, IMs, and social networking sites. I am on Facebook, and I have received friend requests from people who I think simply want to get in my business. I have had discussions with my friends and I know it is not just me. My husband wants an acquaintance button to distinguish friends from associates. He really hates to bestow the friendship title on someone who really isn't his friend.
In an age where we have instant access to everything and reality television has extremely high ratings, we seek out the familiar, even if the familiar wasn't our cup of tea in the past. I warn you all to be cautious of what you put out there as well as how much information you allow others to have on you. Everyone is not meant to be a part of your audience. Some will really be in your corner, others are simply haters. Let your haters be your motivators. There is nothing like overcoming the naysayers.
If you are superficial in your relationships, check yourself. The person who may be hurt the most is you. When Jesus encountered anyone, He met their basic needs first and then He made a positive change in their lives. He is our greatest example of how to be a friend. Philippians 2:3-4(NKJV) states, "let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others." The New Year is approaching, commit to being authentic in each and every relationship that you are in. Life is too short to be phony, cutting the loss may make room for the real blessing that God has in store for you.
Copyright December 8, 2009 by Pamela Cole Thorpe
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YES, YES, YES!!!! Let your haters be your motivators. I love it. You know, I am learning as I get older (shame it took me this long) that I have alot more frenemies than one would want, BUT they are what keeps me going, if that makes sense. I still try to be as positive as possible when I am around them, giving them encouragement if they need it and actually mean it!
ReplyDeletegreat post! i think it's great that you remind chante to be mindful of her words. too many people these days aren't and that can cause a lot of hurt. i've been guilty of this myself, and now i'm so careful with things that i write/say.
ReplyDeleteand unfortunately i think frenemies are something that will be a constant in everyone's life. :(
No Chante is a lot older, but when she was younger and getting adjusted socially did you just let the friend thing play itself out when she got attached or how did you school her on the mini heifas? Winter cares so much about how she is perceived. She didn't get that from me and I hope she grows out of it, but at this point in her 6 year old little life. BFF's are the end all be all. I just wanna start kicking kids butts, but of course I can't do that (in public). She is so adamant about being liked and accepted. Any advice?
ReplyDeleteI can so relate to this because unfortunately I didn't truly get there was such an animal as a frenemy until I was over 40. The definition of friend, in my world, is the antonymn of friend, so it didn't occur to me that everyone's definition was whacked.
ReplyDeleteI feel you Adriel about your daughter, but trust me, with this generation of girls, you will want to give straight up beat downs to children due to the pure UGLINESS in which your daughter might be treated by other girls. Unfortunately, it is systemic of the society forcing maturity upon "tweens" and children in general way before they are ready.
I like Pam, try my best to model good friend behavior, and unfortunately my daughter has been in too many "friendships" that don't benefit her. It saddens me and oftentimes I am at a loss to help her. Continue to work with your daughter on her worth and model good Christian principles and hopefully, all will eventually work out. Also, let her be an active part of YOUR girl "friendships" so that she can see up close & personal the inner workings of good and true friendship.