Marriage is Serious Business

I figured out why the whole Kim Kardashian marriage thing has pissed me off. First off, I have really strong feelings about the seriousness of marriage. One of my earliest post was, "A Beautiful Wedding does Not a Beautiful Marriage Make." You can check it out here: http://missreaddiva.blogspot.com/2009/09/beautiful-wedding-does-not-beautiful.html.

Marriage is not easy. You take two people with completely different backgrounds and upbringing and you send them off to make a happy life. They stand before God and witnesses and make vows to "love, honor, and cherish in good times and bad." Just like the good times, bad times will come. God didn't promise any of us a lifetime of happiness and when you are looking for another person to provide that happiness, it is a recipe for disaster.

I have been married for fifteen and a half years. Sometimes, even I am shocked that we have lasted this long. LOL! Everyday we both have to choose to see the good in each other and figure out that what we have built together is better than what we can do alone. Some days, neither of us feels up to the challenge. On those days, tension runs deep and attitudes prevail. God already knew what type of people we'd be once sin entered the picture. Love was probably going to be hard enough with out the temptation of sin. Ironically enough, there are so many Bible passages that call us to love. When God makes the command, it is NOT conditional on our feelings or emotions. Let's face it, Jesus met people wherever they were in their stage of life. He met their every need and it didn't matter that he'd been ministering for days at a time with no rest. He didn't judge, nor did He condemn. He just loved on the person in the manner they needed it most, always spiritual, sometimes, emotionally and physically too.

I can attest that the first year of marriage is difficult. No one can fully prepare you for what changes in you will have to result in order for your marriage to work. Even after you have years of marriage under your belt, you still have to work at communicating and compromising. After 72 days, you have done very little bonding, especially if you are spending half that time away from each other and in the public spotlight. I am not judging Kim K but you have to wonder what her motivation to marry really was. I can understand the getting caught up in the fantasy. After all, the whole wedding thing was a public spectacle. Love has its public moments but it really is a private affair.

You have to do the work to build your relationship so that you and your spouse can both be the best of your selves in public and private. Living out love the way God commands, takes some serious prayer and commitment on both individuals part. When Kris Humphries is finding out that his marriage is over from the media, you know that someone wasn't prepared to handle marriage. I mean really. You couldn't give him the courtesy of a personal conversation before going public. Then you are wondering why everyone thinks it is a sham. Let's be mature here.

 Readers, if you are thinking about marriage, I can't implore you enough to get professional counseling. A neutral party will give you things to consider about marriage that you may not be thinking of as you try to fulfill your ultimate wedding dreams. A wedding lasts one day, a marriage is supposed to be for life. Don't make the same mistake as Kim and many others.  Marriage is serious business. Marriage is not Big Business.

I leave you with what God's Word says about love. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a (TNIV) states, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.Verse 13 goes on to state, "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." It is important to note that love perseveres. Persevere means to persist in anything undertaken; maintain a purpose in spite of difficulty, obstacles, or discouragement; continue steadfastly. Enough said. Till next time, peace.

Leaving you in Diva Love,

Pam

Surprise!!!

I love an unexpected surprise! On Tuesday, I had a really crappy day! My car wouldn't start in a parking lot and I almost got a speeding ticket while driving home from work in hubby's vehicle. All I was thinking was that I just wanted to be in the comfort of my own home with the people I love the most in the world.  I really wasn't in the best mood...that is compounded by some work drama I can't discuss on here right now because you never know who might be reading. (#ocassionaltactfulblogger)

Well yesterday was a better day in many respects. The best occurrence was that my loving husband surprised me with a little gift that I had been desiring for a while. If you know me, you know my philosophy is, "Give the people what they want!" I received a very nice Pandora bracelet with four very fitting charms. They represent several things I care about...God, family, and love.  Let me just say how thankful and surprised and happy I was by my husband's gesture.  Gotta have those little moments. If you are ever in doubt about what to buy me, I will need charms. www.pandora.net.

Royalty or bust?

So...Who's caught up in the drama of the Royal Wedding? Who is getting up early to watch? Who is setting your DVR(Tivo) to record it?  Who wants to know who designed Kate Middleton's dress? Who really cares? Is it really that serious?


The hype over their nuptials and all the pomp and circumstance is really getting on my last nerve.Thank God it all ends tomorrow. We will all know who designed the dress and how long the train is. God forbid it look as painful as Princess Di's. We will know who attended and who wore the flyest hat. We will no longer be subjected to seeing every bar, hotel, and other places they spend their time. I won't even discuss the various souvenirs and paraphernalia being sold with the faces plastered all over them.

People are camping out. People have gone to London to be a part of the atmospshere. We really have become obsessed with all things Kate & William. We should all be well aware of the etiquette involved. We know how long it will take to get to Westminster Abbey. The photographer who gets the first shot of Kate will be the cat's pajamas. Kate Middleton's life will never be the same.  Her life will never be her own either. I do like that she and William sort of don't play by all the rules. I l also love that they are charitable and seem to enjoy partying. They are young and they should be having the time of their lives.

All that said, if you live on the East Coast, you need to get up before the crack of dawn to catch the festivities. I just wanna remind you that if you miss it, there will be highlights all day long and I'm sure all weekend too. The knock off dress will be available by Monday at a fraction of the price. I am not a hater but there is so much going on in the world that it is difficult to muster excitement over a wedding. I hope they really love each other and they know they need a third party involved to make it. I am referring to Jesus, if you are clueless. I will not be getting up to witness the nuptials, nor will I record it. I pray they make it.  Right now my mind is on the victim's of the past week who have been affected by the tornadoes. I am impressed that NBC's Brian Williams decided to leave the Royal festivities to return to the States and cover our tragedies. Excellent move on his part. I mean that is serious news. So you all let me know what I miss. As if I will be able to avoid it! I am not obsessed with Royalty but I stand in the Presence of Royalty several times a day. Jesus Christ is King of Kings, and the Prince of Peace. That is truly the only royalty I care about. That's all for the moment. Ciao!

Copyright by Pamela Cole Thorpe on April 28, 2011

The Top 10 Reasons that I love My Husband

My husband and I are quickly approaching our 14th Anniversary. May 25th to be exact. We married after a year of dating but we had been friends for 10 years prior to going on our first date. We have had our share of ups and downs, and I will be the first to tell that marriage takes work. It also takes compromise and candid communication. Quality time and a lot of sex only help the situation. As I grow older, I know that prayer is also a necessity. Personal prayer and the prayers of other believers. Can never have too much of that. So all that said, a good friend of mine challenged several of us to list the top ten reasons that we love our husbands. I told her that I would publish my response as a blog.

I started this blog several weeks ago and while I was gung ho, initially, Satan stepped in and had his way. He caused a little havoc in our marriage and then I wasn't feeling writing about my husband nor was I feeling marriage at all. So I got writer's block and set the whole blog aside.

I'm back! Tomorrow is May 25th! 14 years have gone by since we said our vows before God and about 135 witnesses. The havoc has subsided. SN: Despite the valley experiences that we share, Dmitri is the love of my life and there is no one I'd rather take this life journey with. So here you have it, the top ten reasons that I love Dmitri Jean Anthony Thorpe. This list is no way conclusive and it is definitely changeable. I love him for different reasons at different times. Also, the list is in absolutely no particular order.

1. Dmitri is always gonna have my back and protect me fiercely, even if I am wrong.
2. Dmitri is extremely loyal to me, his children, and his convictions.
3. He makes the best Bar-B-Que dishes and we share a love of good food and wine.
4. He makes me think and he challenges me on a deep level.
5. He always makes me his number one priority.
6. He is a serious competitor no matter what. Family game night is serious in this house, so is miniature golf, and anything else that can remotely resemble a competition.
7. He makes me feel beautiful on my worst day, in my ugliest moments.
8. He is my biggest champion and supporter, no matter what it is I've decided to undertake.
9. Although he hates to shop, he always chooses nice clothes for me and he gives excellent gifts.
10. He accepts me for who I am, the good, the bad, and even the ugly.

I could go on and on. We have two children and he is good to both of them. He wants the best for them and me. He provides well so that we can experience life to the fullest. Remember, I believe exposure is everything. Our love story is not special or rare but it is OUR story and each day we get a chance to add to it and enhance it. No one can tell you how to be married but if you are or were, you know there are many hills and valleys. You have to be committed to each other to get through both. You need support and prayer to make it, too. Mostly you need love and a commitment to that love to deal with the problems that you face. Sometimes you might even need therapy but remember, what God has joined together, let NO MAN put asunder!!! With that said, "HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO US!!!!!"

Copyright May 24, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

Tiger, Could Ya Roar Any Louder?

Okay so I am gonna say my piece on Tiger and hopefully this will be it. First of all, let me just say that I have never really been a huge fan of Tiger. Y'all know I'm cynical, soooo bear with me. I am proud of his abilities on the golf course but I was not a fan of his persona at all. His aloof demeanor was always a turn off for some reason.

As recent events have transpired, we see that his personally crafted life was out of control. His fierce desire to maintain his privacy was obviously born out of his fear of revealing his copious sexual indiscretions. All of the women were Caucasian party girls. WTF? They are coming out the wood work like roaches. They are dying to tell their stories. So he liked them dumb and trophy like. Elin was attractive but not beautiful enough to keep him from straying. This says a lot about him, in my opinion. Once a frat party boy always a frat party boy!

Tiger's problem is this......He tried to play the game and lost. Here is his Black card reality check. We can't do what they do, no matter how much your black a$$ is loved and admired. Come on bruh, and your ass is a brother......an attorney on retainer to quiet the bimbos who wanted to out you. Let's be real! Reality check number two, your jealous colleagues, who are probably guilty of the same indiscretions, are dogging you out every chance they get. You now see who your true friends are. That is what happens when there is a scandal. Reality check three, you are screwing with your money in more ways than one despite the fact that if you never earned another dime you'd still have more money than you could spend in a lifetime. Elin is getting seriously paid as she has revised that pre-nup, and she has your children. Endorsements are being lost as your name is being defamed on national news and talk shows everywhere. Reality check #4, bad press is fine if you have good PR people. Unfortunately you are no media darling and if you had PR people, well they need to be fired. Reality check #5, if you couldn't be loyal how could you expect those in your camp to be loyal?

As a sister, an African-American sister, I am annoyed that you never saw fit to deal with one sister. We come in all shapes, hues, and we are beautiful in all of our glory. When I look at Tiger, I see a partying frat boy who never grew up. Funny, life has a way of making you grow up. We will all face our demons someday, no matter how powerful we are nor how much money we possess. So who cares where Tiger(or Elin) are hiding out. Remember, to whom much is given, much is required.

All this said, I feel bad that yet another family's dirty laundry is playing out in very public television. Nobody deserves to have to resolve their private business under public scrutiny. The public doesn't deserve to hear from you because they are going to draw their own conclusions anyway. You do need to work on being a better person, husband, father but we all need to improve as well. I am not sure if you making a public statement would make a difference.

Do we really care? No! There are much bigger issues going on in the world. Now Tiger could have the last laugh, according to my hubby, he could divorce Elin and pay her a mere fortune, win the Masters etc, and retire and screw all the women he wants for the rest of his life. UGH! I am sure that scenario would piss off a whole host of people. So that's it, I have no more to say(on this subject). Yes, I am late but this was on deck, I just didn't post it timely. Forgive, me! I love y'all! What do you think? What is your opinion of Tiger Woods? Has it changed?

Copyright January 13, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

A Beautiful Wedding Does not a Beautiful Marriage Make

Every little girl dreams, at some time, of her wedding day. Little girls are filled with the dreams of riding off into the sunset with their Prince Charming or Knight in Shining Armor. We plan that day long before we have someone to plan it with. We dream of an elaborate celebration where we are the cutest bride ever in the most fabulous dress. Our friends, indulge our fantasies. Shoot, they're stuck in their own. My friend, Mina is really the catalyst for this blog, she once said, "Everyone asks you about your wedding plans but no one tells you about being married."

Mina is right. There are things that folks conveniently forget to tell you. Marriage isn't easy and the road ain't always smooth. The key is finding someone you enjoy enough to go down it with you. You can't change a person and they can't make you a better person. If you have been abused prior to marriage, chances are extremely high that you will be abused again. If you were cheated on once, chances are you will be cheated on again. If he/she is doesn't pick up after themselves, they probably won't after the wedding either. If they drink excessively, they probably still will.


Having been married for 13 years now, I can say that finances have to be the #1 reason folks argue, break up and divorce. Merging and managing money is not easy. If I can give any advice, try to resolve this issue early on and be honest about it.  Don't let money ruin a good relationship. Communicate your fears and your shortcomings. Get godly counsel on the matter.

As a matter of fact, don't marry without extremely sound godly marital counseling. Let me repeat my self: GET PRE-MARITAL COUNSELING!!  A neutral third party is good to get you both to explore all kinds of issues. For better or worse could be a really long time, so you need to be prepared. If you and your pastor are tight, you might want them to recommend someone else so that you are not cheated out of this valuable experience. You don't want them to think "oh we know you so" and then gloss over some key issues. That is a major disservice to you and your fiance. You need to discuss money, cheating, sex, parents getting sick/old, hell, you getting sick old, unable to work or do for yourself. Can the person handle all that if you wound up in an unforseen situation?

Sex may be the other hot topic within the union. This is another area where you need to be open and honest. I am convinced the God was wise when He did not want us to have sexual relations before marriage. Hey, I thought I was smart and jumped out there before marriage. The longer I stay married the more I know that my body is a temple and it should've been the gift I gave only to my hubby. I should have expected the same in return. There is something to be said about being able to learn and grow together instead of coming to the marriage bed filled with expectations born out of other relationships. Those expectations can be a hindrance to the marriage bed which is supposed to be undefiled.(ref: Hebrews 13:4)  It is really supposed to be special. Let's face it, what other relationship represents Christ and His Bridegroom, the Church? None! So go head and put those inhibitions aside and be the freak your hubby needs you to be....Good girl days are over.....yous married now(Color Purple flashback).

Finally, leave the third party out of the equation. You can't tell your mom, girlfriend, or family everything. You will have bared your soul because you were pissed off about something and then forgive your boo and your peeps will still be angry and upset with him. That might be a problem. Also, single friends can't help married  friends solve marital problems. They are in a different space. There is a reason for "leaving and cleaving." (ref: Matthew 19:4-6)  Don't be confused, I do have married friends and I do discuss married issues with them but not everything. Some things simply need to be taken to Jesus and Jesus alone.

My friend Mina always says, "Start the way you want to finish." It really is good advice. When things are fresh and new you want to be together and tell them everything before you tell everyone else. You still need to maintain that freshness even if you've been married for years. It always makes me smile when I see elderly couples who clearly enjoy being in each other's presence. It makes me so happy and makes my heart feel good. That all comes with work. Work, in the form of carving out date time or time to connect, where you shut out the rest of the world or even your children. You have to create special little rituals that make sense to you and your mate and cause each other to feel special. Nothing worth having comes easy.

Communication is very important but having fun and growing together has to be worth the journey, so pick your mate wisely. Prayer is also essential, sometimes just telling Jesus will make it all right. Finally, if you get to the wedding date and you know you are making a mistake, call the wedding off. Everything is paid for, party like it is 1999. Yep, I said it....call it off!  Yes, it will be somewhat embarrasing but it would be more heart wrenching to spend your life knowing that you could've stopped the train wreck before it started. So what if people are gonna talk, they are gonna do it anyway. Better a moment's embarrasment than a lifetime of regret. It does happen!

Copyright: September 18, 2009 by Pamela Cole Thorpe