Christmas is not About You

I woke up thinking about Christmas. I love this time of year whether I'm motivated to shop or not. This year, I'm really not. Children of any age can care less about your motivation, so you have to put on your big girl panties and proceed to handle your business. While it is easy to see that consumerism is the message we get bombarded with during this season, the real message we need to embrace is that Christmas really is about what we do for others. It's also about how we allow God to interrupt our good plans and impart His Great plan. I posted this thought on my FB page yesterday and I hope you can live it out this Christmas and everyday: Allow the promise of Christmas to overshadow the painful realities of your life. Do not allow Christmas to be defined by your disappointment, but allow your disappointment to be forever changed because of Christmas. If you can do this and help someone along the way, we will each see the true meaning of Christmas, There is ALWAYS going to be someone worse off than you. I hope the love of Christ fills you and takes you out of your comfort zone this Christmas season. One small act of kindness each day can change some one's entire attitude for the better. Be intentional-Be a blessing!

In Diva Love, 

Pam

Are you Grateful

Normally in November, social media outlets are bombarded with daily thankful posts. This year that doesn't seem to be the case. Left me wondering if everyone is too caught up in their life drama to take that pause if only for this one month. There is always a lot going on in the world and in people's lives. No matter the circumstance or the month, we should always be filled with gratitude for the basic and simple things in life. If God woke you up, you should be grateful. If He woke you up in a warm bed, you have reason to be grateful. You had clothes, shelter, and food. Take a thankfulness break. Got a job to go to? Grateful. Oh the list goes on. 

I haven't posted a list of things that I'm grateful for. I have chosen to put quotes about gratitude on my social media pages. Those gentle reminders keep reinforcing the fact, that the way to attract more blessings is to be grateful for the things that we already have. Simple thanks gets taken for granted in today's society. It's not only these new millennium children who are spoiled ungrateful, and entitled. There are adults who walk around like life owes them something. No one owes you anything.

A simple life practice is to wake up and give God thanks for another day. Another is to actually live in the moment. Appreciate the beauty around you. I mean really take a look around and breathe deeply. Often, there are wonderful things to take in and reflect on.....A young child discovering something new in their surroundings, the way the little elderly couple in front of you are still looking like teenagers in love, someone paying it forward for you in Starbucks or Chic-Fil-A.  If you don't see these things, then you can be the one to cultivate them. Do something for someone else with no expectation of a return favor. Life changes when you are thankful for what you have and you can bless someone else. Blessings don't even have to cost you more than a smile or a sincere, "Good morning." Thanksgiving is next week. Someone doe not have what you have. Someone may have more than you. Whatever the case, be content. Be happy. Be grateful. More importantly, be a blessing! Philippians 4:11 reminds us to be content no matter what our circumstances are. Can you do it? Can you be content even though life is crazy and bills are due? Can you bless someone in spite of what you are going through. I double dare you to try it. You will end up being better than blessed!

Be Grateful & in Diva Love, 

Pam

Sometimes, Silence is Golden, Sometimes, It's Growth

This week, I read two blogs that echoed so much of how I feel about blogging right now. One of my dear friends called herself the Wishy-Washy Blogger and the other said that she couldn't say much because she couldn't be positive right now. I so could relate to both thoughts. I feel bad when I don't post regularly. I also feel bad when I can't find anything uplifting or positive to blog about. Actually, I can usually be positive but getting to that point just might be too ugly to share. 

Earlier this year, one of my good girlfriends told me that sometimes saying nothing is a good response. If you know me, you already know that that would be challenging for my gregarious self. I have learned to be still and listen for God's voice but I find it more difficult to keep my mouth closed. Writing remains my therapy and I always want to be transparent but sometimes the things you want to say will do more harm than good. That's the season that I've found myself in this past year and a half. 

So, I am no longer going to stress myself to blog more but I will commit to posting at least twice a month. For now, that might be a bit of pressure. I am a journal freak so I may not be posting here but I am committed to my personal therapy, however that may look. Writing is freeing. I'm still here and I'm still standing strong. God has done some amazing things for me this year. So crazy as it's been, I wouldn't trade most of the turmoil for the closer walk with Him. To close, I'm leaving you with several quotes related to silence. Silence really is golden-we often forget that as the world gets noisier and noisier. Be blessed and still your soul and mind. 

Silence is the universal refuge, the sequel to all dull discourses and all foolish acts, a balm to our every chagrin, as welcome after satiety as after disappointment.  ~Henry David Thoreau

Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute.  ~Josh Billings

Make time for quiet moments, as God whispers and the world is loud. ~Author Unknown

The best answer to anger is silence.  ~Author Unknown

Silence allows you to watch your mind and become aware of the thoughts that you may be acting on unconsciously. When you see the thoughts, you can make a conscious choice to act on the thought or change your mind, instead of going along with the noise. I have seen people who don't want to look at themselves keep going until something happens that makes them stop — a sickness or an accident — but it gives them that reflective, quiet space where they can face what is difficult in their mind. We each have a unique purpose to fulfill in this life and inklings can come in those quiet moments. ~Swami Radhananda

In Diva love, 

Pam

Guest Spot: Reflections of the Confederate Flag

So I haven't posted any Guest Blogs in a long time. One of my sisters from another mother poignantly expressed my thoughts on a topic that was recently in the news. Agree or disagree? Let me know what you think. Here are her words:

As the great debate rages about the Confederate Flag, a friend of mine who happens to be Caucasian (and a unapologetic Southern Girl), asked me if the Confederate Flag “offends me or causes sadness/anger?” I applaud my friend for asking me the question because this issue is so divisive; causing visceral and heated emotions on many levels for many people.  In today’s heated words, she gets points for stepping into what could potentially be an ugly conversation in her desire to see more than her view.  I am also gratified to know, I am seen as an open and rational person! J So, I mulled the question over because I had to examine if my thoughts surrounding the Rebel Flag were my own or a knee-jerk reaction. Was I offended only because I’m African-American? What did the controversial symbol truly represent for me?

The Rebel Flag offends me in much the same way the Nazi Flag & Swastika emblem does.  The Nazi regime was all about Aryan pride which was advanced on the premise of prejudice, evil and cruelty of an “inferior” race.  A theory promoting it was okay to treat a race of people as less than human and subject them to horrific atrocities.  In the same vein, the Rebel flag may for some be a representation of Southern pride…it was born of a conflict much like the Nazis.  Southerners did not want to abolish a way of life; a slave system that subjected a race of “inferior” people to inhumane, a lot of times cruel and unspeakable treatment. 

The Confederate Flag saddens me because when I see it, I realize we have not come as far as I would like in terms of race relations and classism.  I see it as another means of creating hostility and bigotry.  It says to me…there are people who still feel superior and frankly are just not nice.

With that said, I know not all Southerners who fly the Rebel Flag are bigots or mean people. But I do think it shows a certain lack of empathy or naiveté.  Yeah…you’re southern but why would you want to be represented by a symbol that reminds people of a system where human beings/ancestors where oppressed and treated like animals because they were of a different hue; bought and sold like cattle?  Why are you so proud of a culture and people who so fervently believed their right to oppress and hold people in bondage for their own comfort and wealth to the point of going to WAR about it? 

It is touted the Civil War was about State Rights…which is  true, the States’ right to keep slaves!!  That’s what the Rebel Flag symbolizes…oppression, inhumane treatment, greed, and bigotry with a blatant disregard for a race of people because of their skin color!  The Civil War, or Northern Act of Aggression depending on where you live, was fought 150 years ago. . . and still the war rages on about a symbol that should be relegated to a museum for its historical significance only!! 

In answer to my friend's question . . . Yes, the Confederate Flag offends and saddens me!

In Diva love,

Pamela 

A Part of My Heart Stayed Behind

This past weekend, I embarked on a journey that would seem to be fraught with emotion. The thing is, it wasn't. I felt a wide range of emotions, but mostly a profound sense of nostalgia. I packed up my vehicle for a 7-8 hour trip to take one of my most precious possessions, my firstborn, mini-me, to begin her college career. She aspires to be a female Anthony Bourdain--her words not mine. In actuality, her plans include  becoming a chef, restaurateur, food blogger, and world class traveler who eats and critiques her  way through  as many countries  as she can. 

All I kept thinking is that this newly minted adult would be on her own making life choices and decisions without me  intervening. Don't mis-read this....I  am not a hover mother but I am an involved opinionated parent. In my mind, my daughter would always be the wide-eyed baby that came out of the womb looking around, with a sense of wisdom and wonder. She has transformed into a lovely young lady. She's intelligent, tenacious, and also opinionated. I have prepared her to soar. I have instilled prayer, integrity and high values in her.  Now it's her time. There will be ups and downs, trials and tribulations, triumphs and failures but she knows  that in most cases, there can be do-overs and makeovers, there are plan Bs,Cs,...and Zs. More importantly, she is keenly aware that she has me and a huge support system that will get her through any life issue or crisis. She knows that though she may disappoint at times, she is loved  unconditionally and that our support is unwavering. 

Times have changed since I was a college student  bright with promise. Things are definitely more liberal. Yet I have prayed and cried and cried and prayed over this child. I think she will hold fast to her convictions and will not be easily swayed y her peers. I pray she makes wise choices and does the right thing. These four years are going to really shape the person she will ultimately become. Her choices in life are not a reflection of how well  I did or did  not parent. 

No matter what choices may come and what reservations or fears that I may have, I know without a shadow of a doubt that God has written EVERY one of her days and while I may not  be there, He is ALWAYS there.  It's time for her to completely trust Him to guide her through all of her days and give her wisdom when she faces challenges. It's time for  me to  relinquish the control I had over  His child-ever thankful that He trusted her to me for these past 17 years. It's time for me  to watch my baby really grow and soar to new heights. I am happy and excited, sad, and waiting in anticipation. While the parting was bittersweet, it was necessary. So there were no tears, just huge hugs and joy(and possibly pain) of the days to come as I left a big part of my heart in Providence, RI.

In Diva Love,

Pam

I Think I Need an Easy Button

I was venting to my cousin and she was being sweet and listening. Then she asked me a simple but profoundly thought-provoking question. Hey inquiry, "So if you could press the easy button, how would things look differently, after you did?" Well, that was actually a loaded question for me.

I feel like I've been in a sort of storm for a tad too long. I don't think I've been whining and complaining constantly. In fact, every day, I acknowledge that I am beyond blessed. When I say that God has faithfully shown up every time I needed Him too, I am being extremely honest. I also am keenly aware that this process is necessary for me to become who He wants me to be, or to be prepared for what He has for me to do.  Still, I long for my burdens to be lighter or more specifically, non-existent. 

An easy button would negate the process God has designed for me. Honestly, I don't want to miss the process because I know the test will eventually pop up again. Without going through the process, no matter how painful, I will not be prepared for the blessings that are surely in store for me. See, I know blessing will come, it's just the getting to and through. 

I am writing my "other side of the easy button" list in my journal. I'm dating it. I promise I'll share it with you soon. Keep in mind, the Bible says that we need to "write the vision and make it plain." When there's no vision, things perish. Be strong and know that there is always victory waiting on the other side of the trial/chaos/overwhelming situation.  Take care.

In Diva Love, 

Pam

Random Rants/Musings

As most of you know, this blog is my therapy.  Looking at how little I've blogged over  the past year lets me know that I am possibly  neglecting myself in some ways. I haven't written a lot because I can't express most of the thoughts floating in my head. This last year and  a half has been seriously crazy by my own standards. I have a ton of things I want to blog/rant/discuss here but I  haven't. There are always those people who want to make everything about them and I refuse give them the satisfaction or ammunition for future repercussions.

My short summer is ending in one week. UGH! Back to work I will go. Thank goodness I love my boss and my job. I have had a relaxing few weeks with  several road trips and fun mixed in. Love the schedule of  an educational professional.

This weekend my travels will take me to Providence Rhode Island for my daughter's Freshman College Orientation. I think she is excited about her pending future. I remain excited  for her. I also harbor some reservation as I  really don't think she is as mature as I was at this point in my life. Apparently, it is the way of the times as I voice my concerns to  my peers in this same season of life. Our children seem to be a little less independent and a great deal more withdrawn from the process of financial aid and things of that nature. I suspect the five months will be challenging but rewarding as she discovers herself and others in a whole new setting. But I guess that really is what college is for. I'm sure there will be a blog about that in the future. 

One topic that keeps trending is #BlackLivesMatter.  It is very disheartening on so many levels. Black Lives do matter. America was  built at the expense  of that very life. Nothing pisses me  off more than when someone wants to remind me that all lives matter. Yes, all lives do matter but that really is NOT the point. There are daily reminders that the life of an African American is somehow diminished in the  eyes of this society.  This issue can't and won't resolve itself. America has to be intentional about addressing race relations and for some reason that seems impossible. Black on black crime has to end without a doubt.More  at issue is the amount of social injustices that seems to result in people of color losing their lives at the hands of Caucasian individuals who act without conscience or under the guise of power which they are abusing either out of fear or hate. 

I am a person who believes in excellent communication. I thrive on it. If you can't advocate for yourself, why should anyone else. communication is important in relationships, in interviews, for customer service, for flirting, and for expressing whatever idea you wish to  get across. In the past few months, I have been privy to several scenarios where communication would've yielded far better results. When you know better you do better.

As I look at my inner circle, so many people near and dear to me are struggling.I so wish i could shake a money tree and solve  their problems. Where is that winning lottery ticket?  Oh...that's right....you actually have to play to win.Seriously though, times are hard out here in these streets. If you have the means, pay it forward and bless some unknowing soul. 

Can I just say that I love memes! They brighten my day. To the person who came up with that idea, Kudos. Yeah, I know....Random.

Just wanted you to know that I'm still here. I still need to exercise my voice. I keep several journals so I am not out here wandering and going crazy.Just channeling my energy in another source. For now. 

To end on a positive note. God still sits on the throne. As we move further and further away from Him and His principals of faith and love, Things may get worse. Remember, He is still in control.  He can change your mess into a message and your test into a testimony. As I've struggled through this past year and a half, God has remained constant and He has continued to show up in the midst of some crappy circumstances. That alone has kept me  and blessed me.

In Diva Love,

Pam