Parenting

Ask any parent and you know parenting ain't easy. It has its share of ups and downs. Emotions run deep and wide and high and low. It is a monumental task, not for the faint of heart. It is always a work in progress.

I love my children. Often, they take me places I really don't want to go. They challenge and inspire me in ways I never thought possible. They make me laugh and yes they make me cringe. As much as I want them to represent me in a favorable way, I don't want them to be little mini-mes. I want them to be independent thinkers who impact the world in great ways, and small.

No parent wants to raise a child molestor, murderer, or crack addict. Hopefully all parents do the best they can. Parenting doesn't come with a handbook. Parenting takes stamina. You deal with upgrades, downgrades, and everything in between. You are working against peer pressure, entitlement, childhood rights, and so many other things. Sometimes good parents raise bad ass children. Children make disappointing choices. That doesn't make you a poor parent. 


There are no longer villages to assist you on the journey. Your parents may not live nearby. We no longer live in the same neighborhood for years and years where people have each others back...you may not even know your neighbor's name. Yet, it really still takes a village to raise a child. Sometimes, your baby needs someone they can talk to and depend on, that's not you. They still need someone to trust. You need someone you trust, to be there for your child in those harrowing moments that they "hate you and you don't understand the complications of being 11, 14, or 17." You can't be everything to your child all the time. It's just not possible.

One of the most important things you do as a parent is discipline your child. You have to set boundaries but you also have to foster an environment where they learn, think and grow independently. My friends and I discuss discipline all the time. Another controversial issue...to spank or not. Whatever your choice, you need to make sure you are parenting your own values, not society's. What I mean is, some things are more important than others. Example, do you fuss at your children for running around the store at the mall because it is really irritating to you or do you fuss because you see how everyone in the mall is looking at you for having unruly children? Sometimes, we discipline for things that might not be important because of the expectations of others.  I shared this with a dear friend of mind and she agreed that often she fussed at her kids because she was concerned about what people might think about her as a parent. Personally, once I freed myself of that pressure, things worked better for me and my children. I have to parent based on what I believe is important and not worry about how you judge me.

What is the legacy that I leave for my children? Will I recover if they do something so out there that I am ashamed to show my face in public? Will they impact they world for the better? or worse? Whatever the future holds, I know this to be true...Parenting is a gift. Sometimes you like it and sometimes you don't. Occasionally you want to trade it in for something else. You can't re-gift your kids. We don't chose our children and they don't choose us. God gives us all exactly what we need. Each day is a new day to do better for you and them. My advice to you, mother or father...do your best, model the best, and give your all. Leave the rest up to God. Til next time, enjoy your weekend!

Copyright October 23, 2009 by Pamela Cole Thorpe