Why Write?

Why do I write this blog? Well, I write for several reasons. The most important reason is that I write for me. I also write for therapeutic purposes. I write to work out my issues. I write to free my mind. Sometimes, I write to entertain or to incite a good debate or even to provoke you to a different way of looking at a situation. I am a chronic thinker, so this is my vehicle. Even though it is my vehicle, I don't want to be offensive or crass but I am human and my thoughts aren't always pure or pleasing to God. I am working on that daily. I am still and always will be a work in progress. I love a good debate. I see the world based on my experiences. My perception, like yours, is my reality.

So I write to share my thoughts, my struggles, my dreams and aspirations. I share my opinions and my observations. You may not like it, you may not agree, but it is all me. I am flawed but I'm thoughtful. I have a voice and I have gifts and talents. God gave them to me and I am required to share them with you. I want to write a book and I will. I am encouraged by family and friends alike. I wish I could get that baby out before Oprah goes off the air and have her want to feature my book. That would shoot a sista straight to the top, now wouldn't it? Yep! Unfortunately the "Oprah Effect" will not help me, but I am a child of God and what He has for me, is for me.

This is just a part of my life's journey. It is a means to an end. My first blog was almost one year ago. I made up my mind that I would try to write twice a week. In all, I have kept my word. Good for someone who is prone to procrastination. As I have become more confident in my writing, I have also tried to become more transparent. You see me and sometimes it ain't pretty. I am honest and opinionated. I hate to hurt people's feelings.  Learning to be transparent without throwing other people under the bus is often a challenge for me. I really am a put it all out there type of girl but life has shown me that somethings must be done with tact and diplomacy, and sometimes, even discretion. So folks, continue to watch me grow. I write for you too. Support me! Pray for and encourage me. Till next time, enjoy the small things! Peace!

Copyright June 28, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

                                                            

Are You a Punk Parent?

Punk parents allow their children to control them. The children dominate and dictate way too much of the ebb and flow of the home. This leads to them thinking that the world revolves around them. In our home, punishments are not negotiable. We set the punishment and that is that. Spanking still happens in our home too. It drives the seriousness of the issue home quickly despite it not being a popular option in today's society. My thoughts are that I turned out all right and so will my kids. My mom did not hesitate to spank me. The notion of time outs was non existent.

Parenting is a full time job and it is not easy for any of us. My goal as a parent is to raise respectful, hard-working individuals of high moral fiber/character, who have a strong sense of spirituality, and have a sense of charity. While I like there to be open communication, we are not friends. We can be, once they are adults but for now, it ain't happening. My husband and I set the boundaries and expectations. Most of them are NOT negotiable. We have consequences for negative actions and we do attempt to choose our battles wisely. I think there are instances in which we could be tougher but overall we aren't wimpy parents. Our moms might not agree but we are dealing with a different set of issues with this generation.


We tell our children "NO!" often and we try not to be inconsistent in our dealings with them. They are looking for those inconsistencies so they can use them to their advantage. We are not afraid to go against the status quo. The worst reason my kids can use, is to tell me that "so and sos mom let's them do" whatever. Who gives a darn what everyone else is doing! I certainly don't.


There are a plethora of books written on how to raise your children. I am no expert. We learn by trial and error. What works for one kid doesn't work for the other, especially in my house. My kids have very different temperaments and attitudes so parenting them is a challenge. To them, nothing seems fair when it comes to disciplining the other. My explanation is that life isn't fair and what better place to learn that than at home where the people love and care for you. Yea, that goes over real well. NOT!

Bottom line, Kids need discipline. Studies have shown that kids who don't receive it feel as if their parents really don't love them. The Bible says, "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child.  The rod of correction will drive it far from him." (Proverbs 22: 15 NKJV) See children are foolish, and as parents,  is our job to move them from the point of foolishness to a place of wisdom. Even as adults we have rules to follow and it is not dependent upon our emotions or peers. Times are showing that parents have to step up to the plate and control their children. You have to stay in their business and their friends' business too. Disrespectful children turn into disrespectful adults.

We are in a time where morals have taken a backseat and values seem to be taking a dive. You only have eighteen good years to parent your child and you have a lifetime after that to become their friend. Don't waste the opportunity to shape and mold your child. Children don't stray far from the moral compass you set for them. If they do, they will eventually veer back on track. Punk parents are selling their children out. Those children run the risk of becoming statistics. Certainly, America doesn't need anymore of those.  So you MUST set that moral compass. Do your thankless job. I have to admit that on many days it really is thankless but I know that I will see the reward of my labor in the future. I only have to ask my mom to know this to be true. Find what works best for your home but don't let your kids run you or run amuck. It is never too late to flip the tables and reclaim your God given right to rule. The time is now and the challenge has been issued. What are you gonna do? Your child's future is at hand. Don't punk out! Till the next time....Ciao!

Copyright June 24, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

Pray for Me

Today was not a great one, in fact, it was quite crappy. Despite that, God sent continuous reminders to me that He loves me and He has placed the right people in my life. I am thankful for friends who call out of the blue and tell me that they love me and are praying for me.  Love ya, Mina! I needed that at just that moment. I am also thankful for those friends who let you vent endlessly and then help you understand that you are not alone. Love ya Gochi and Tracie. I called DJ to do something and he bounded up the stairs with "Yes beautiful mother what so yo want your handsome son to do?" I cracked up because he was so charming and sincere.

Dmitri and I had a disagreement and it wasn't cute. I wasn't feeling him at all. After several hours, he came and apologized and gave me a huge hug and kiss. Then when a rainstorm came from out of nowhere, he grabbed me by the hand and said, "let's go stand in the rain." I went despite my reservations. Y'all know I'm an African American woman and our hair and the rain are not on friendly terms! Again, he hugged me and held me. We agreed to disagree and to try to work on some issues. He is home for the next week and a half so it would behoove us to not be pissed with each other.

If you know me well, you know that I stand by the fact that marriage isn't easy. It is not for the faint-hearted. You will need prayer and support even in the best situations. It would be easy to throw in the towel. For better or worse is different for everybody and no one can tell you how to handle your marriage situation but God is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all that we ask or think.(Eph. 3:20) Ahh but we do have to ask in order to receive. Whenever I drift too far from God, He will provide a situation to send me to my knees. Thankfully, He is there waiting patiently for me to return to His love and guidance. So often we forget to turn to Him for an intervention into our situation. We also forget to have other believers intercede for us. Sometimes, you just can't pray for yourself. You need a little help from your friends. There is never a such thing as too much prayer.

So I am feeling better and my day has turned around. I know some saints have prayed for me. Thank God! Also, I am thankful that there is a thing called a second chance or in God's case a tenth or eightieth chance. Don't sit idly by and let life happen. God is in the details and He cares for you. Put your trust in Him and call on other saints to help get you through. Till next time, pray for me and your friends. You never know who needs a prayer lifted on their behalf. Peace!

Copyright June22, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

School's Out

It is official!! School's out for the summer! I now have an 8th grader and a 4th grader. WOW! Time flies when you are living life like it's golden. So now it is time for lazy days and fun times. I enjoy spending time with my children. What I don't like is them thinking my name is Julie(the activities director). So what exactly do we do when we are not visiting other locales?

We spend our days (and evenings too) at the pool. I require my kids to spend 30 minutes of their day with a book. They have to participate in the Summer Library Program. In addition to reading, they also have to do other educational activities. Specifically, multiplication facts for the rising 4th grader. We try to improve our handwriting skills. We also take our report cards to Bowl America. They credit a free game of bowling for each "A" earned by your child during the school year. It is a fantastic way to spend a rainy day. The games expire in September. For more information check out www.bowl-america.com.  You can also checkout www.kidsbowlfree.com for another free bowling experience. There are also free movies on Tuesdays and Wednesdays at Regal Theaters. Usually, there is a "G" rated movie and a "PG" rated movie for your children. For more information on that, check out www.regmovies.com. Oh I almost forgot, my children think going to Barnes  & Noble is a field trip. They also have a reading program where your child can earn a FREE BOOK. Details can be obtained in any of their locations. I suspect there is information at their website as well. Check them out at www.bn.com.


Because we live in the DC area, it would be foolish to not visit all of the Smithsonian Museums. They are free and more importantly, they are air conditioned. They are fun and entertaining and your kids don't realize that they are enhancing their learning too. I'm all for that. Note that the key to most of what I've mentioned is FREE. That is an operative word. We take road trips. Virginia Beach is 3 hours away and there is no better place for us to spend time as a family than on a beach somewhere. I am also hoping that this year, we have an opportunity to visit Ocean City, Maryland. Can't beat the boardwalk experience. We love playing miniature golf and eating seafood.


The best way to spend summer time is visiting loved one near and far. Family time is priceless. We will hit Baltimore, Philadelphia, and Cleveland this summer. We are spending a week in Mexico at an all inclusive resort. I will blog about that experience upon our return. We all have our passports and can't wait for that trip. My son can't wait to get on airplane again. It should be wonderful!

All that said, I hope that you all enjoy whatever pleasures that summer has in store for you. Enjoy and treasure the time with your family and friends. Take joy in the simple things that your town has to offer. You can't beat a county fair or local festival, especially food and wine types. Then there is the fresh fruit and open air markets. Can you tell that I love summer as much as I love the Christmas season? I absolutely love a good watermelon and juicy nectarines. YUM! Life is short and sometimes all you will have is the memories to sustain you. Don't take the little moments for granted. Be safe! Do some community service! HAVE FUN! Love your family! Smile! Be a blessing! Happy Summer!

SN: I forgot to mention one of the other sites that you will love(and love me for leading you to it). If you need a coupon code for any retailer for savings or free shipping, you need to check out www.retailmenot.com. I am so sorry I forgot to mention it to you! It is a gem!


Copyright June 18, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

Helpful Me

So it is a running joke in several different circles of my friends, that if you want to know something on the Internet, ask Pam. It's a running joke but the reality is, I will find what I need on the Internet and if I can't, I call my cousin, Toot, and she will find it for me. So I am giving up some good info to assist you, my favorite readers/friends/neighbors, in your quest to find things you need in your day to day dealings. In short, here are a few sites that will help you out depending on what you need.

1. If you like a book and want to read something with a similar style or feel to it, check out www.bookseeker.com.

2. If you want to know what information is out there in cyberspace about you, check out www.webmii.com.

3. If you want a serious bargain on anything, check out http://www.overstock.com/.

4. Need shoes, check out www.zappos.com or http://www.endless.com/.

5. If you are considering a hysterectomy, please check out www.hystersisters.com. They have some good info for you in terms of alternatives, methods, and it is quite a supportive site.

6. Looking for a home to purchase or rent in DC/MD/VA/PA, www.homesdatabase.com is the place for you.

7. Need to figure out where you want to send your children to school, I suggest www.greatschools.net. It is not a be all end all but if the parents who contribute are honest, it is a great place to start.

8. Unemployed? Of course there is Monster, YahooJobs, but their is also http://www.indeed.com/ and www.craigslist.org. SN: be careful on Craigslist, there are scammers out there. Also it is useful for locating a place to live and also for selling/buying things.

9. If you want to get rid of something, but don't wish to haul it away, list it on www.freecycle.org. It goes without saying that you can also find things you need if you are willing to go pick up the item.

10. Got a craving for a particular cuisine in a specific price range, www.urbanspoon.com is your spot.

11. Wanna know what folks think of the restaurant you chose(or a hair salon or any other business, you need to read the reviews on http://www.yelp.com/. You can create an account and give your opinion of the businesses as well.

12. If you need a free budgeting tool, I am in love with http://www.mint.com/. it will break down your spending habits and let you know when you've exceeded a particular budget item. Great tool without the cost of Quicken or a program like it.

Okay so lets call it a dozen sites to enhance your life, depending on what you need. I am sure there are somethings I missed but this is not an exhaustive listing. I will give you some other things to chew on at a later date. I love sharing what I know and I try to educate my friends in the process. Let me know whether they help you or not. I think they are all worthy of your perusal. I love you all, be safe, smile, and bless someone along the way.

Copyright June 15, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

Please, Help Me Out!

Here we go with another random post but this is not quite a Diva Dialogue. These are just questions that can provide good food for thought or discussion based on things I've dealt with, discussed with someone,  or read in some magazine in the past week. Some serious, and some silly...remember, I said that I'd write about whatever, whenever.


1. Monica, this one is for you: What is your favorite cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory? My two favorites are the 30th Anniversary Cheesecake and the Kahlua Almond Fudge Cheesecake.


2. If you are single, would you sign up on a site that would only pair you with Sugar Daddies? There will be a post about this topic because damn, who'd a thunk it? Yes, I will classify you as a gold digger if your answer is affirmative but hey, it is only my opinion. We all want the finer things in life right?


3. If you are the parent of a bi-racial child, specifically if you are African American or Hispanic, have you ever been mistaken for the Nanny instead of the Mommy? If so, how did you handle the situation?


4. Have you ever thought about walking away from your current life situation and not looking back? What pushed you to that point? What kept you from actually running away?


5. Would you tell a friend/sister/cousin/neighbor if you caught her significant other cheating on her? My opinion of this has changed over the years. My answer is yes but in my maturity, I have learned that I can not have a predetermined way the situation should turn out once the person is given the information. SN: if Dmitri has the brazen audacity or gall to cheat, I damn sure want to know and I will solicit help kicking his a$$ if necessary. Oops! Did I really say that? Yes I damn sure did! Now, on to the next one.....


6. Women, do you try to do everything yourself or have you learned to as for help? I do as much as I can without ever asking for help. God has put me in situations where I had to learn that it is okay to reach out and ask for help. It is all a part of that whole relationship thing, you know. It still isn't easy but it is necessary so I don't lose my mind. Pride comes before the fall.


7. Is fatherlessness the biggest problem in the African American community? While I certainly think it contributes to serious problems, I don't think it it the most serious problem. I think all fathers should take care of their children and the mothers should allow them that opportunity. It should not be dependent on whether he is paying his child support or not. Now if the man is detrimental. that may be another story and certainly perhaps supervised visits might be in order. All children need male and female role models in their lives for growth and development and there are other things that could benefit our communities as well.

Okay, I think this is enough food for thought. I would like feedback from you. Agree or disagree if you must but at least respond. I am curious to know what you think on these issues. For now, I am out of here. Have a blessed day!

Copyright June 15, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

Beach Reads

In keeping with the theme of recommended reading, Here is a list by the staffers at Woman's Day Magazine. It is short sweet and to the point. I haven't read a single one of them but a couple are already on my Nook. Here they are in no particular order:

    1. Dismantled: A Novel
   
    2. The Perfect Happiness: A Novel

    3. Summer Shift: A Novel

    4.  Days of Grace: A Novel

    5. Girl in Translation

    6. Every Last One: A Novel

    7. My Name Is Memory

    8. Hannah's List

That is it for now. I plan to read #s 1, 6, and 8. I will let you know my opinion. It's a hot day and I'm enjoying being in the house with my family. Translation: Love being in the comfort of the air conditioning. Till next time, be safe and God bless. Ciao!

Copyright June 12, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe