When you enter into a relationship, you don’t do so with the thought of breaking up. The beginning is so filled with promise; all singing bluebirds, flowers and starry eyes!! How can you think of a relationship ending when everyone is on their best behavior…working to impress each other…lustful potential in the air! Basically, hormones are generally running the show and they have no idea what a breakup means.
So, people sail blissfully down Rio Relationship, hands trailing in the swell of emotion in seemingly calm water. They begin to share in guarded communication, which becomes more open about seemingly everything! Trust begins to forge, the giddiness is overwhelming!! They become convinced that the next step absolutely has to happen…and sex happens!!
Now the act has been committed and you find there are some things that weren’t shared or shown or overlooked. Like the need for attention and communication for her and the need to be private and taciturn for him. Both people started out filling these needs because they were in the impression stage, but now the true natures are beginning to emerge. Shifting on both parts occur, but it gets harder to fulfill or accept the other one’s needs.
Communication becomes more strained and less frequent. Conjecture and assumptions become the norm and lead to hurt or angry feelings. Both parties know something is wrong, but won’t admit it and only skirt the issue. They both keep down a path they know is not good but to truly communicate about it is not going to happen. The silences become more frequent and longer until one day there is nothing but silence!! “What the hell? Is he really not going to call me?” “It’s been two weeks and I haven’t heard from her…hmmm!” “Oh, I wish I would call his ass, I haven’t done anything to him!!” “She must be really pissed…she’ll get over it.” These dialogues continue until months have passed and still…silence!! The silence doesn’t give closure or answers…it just is!! The breakup has come and no one knew it would look so abrupt…so confusing…so LOUDLY QUIET!! And one question screaming in the silence…What happened?
Copyright July 13, 2011 by Pamela Cole Thorpe
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Been there done that. The first thing I say to anybody trying to stay in love is to communicate and be honest about how you feel about a situation. Nobody can tell you how you feel about something. Right or wrong it is your opinion and you are entitled to it, but reconized that they have one as well and it might not jive with yours. Sometimes you might have to agree to disagree but what ever you do don't stop talking. That will kill your relationship every time. Also, keep other people out your mess. A real friend will be there to listen and not influence.
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