Guest Spot: Reflections of the Confederate Flag

So I haven't posted any Guest Blogs in a long time. One of my sisters from another mother poignantly expressed my thoughts on a topic that was recently in the news. Agree or disagree? Let me know what you think. Here are her words:

As the great debate rages about the Confederate Flag, a friend of mine who happens to be Caucasian (and a unapologetic Southern Girl), asked me if the Confederate Flag “offends me or causes sadness/anger?” I applaud my friend for asking me the question because this issue is so divisive; causing visceral and heated emotions on many levels for many people.  In today’s heated words, she gets points for stepping into what could potentially be an ugly conversation in her desire to see more than her view.  I am also gratified to know, I am seen as an open and rational person! J So, I mulled the question over because I had to examine if my thoughts surrounding the Rebel Flag were my own or a knee-jerk reaction. Was I offended only because I’m African-American? What did the controversial symbol truly represent for me?

The Rebel Flag offends me in much the same way the Nazi Flag & Swastika emblem does.  The Nazi regime was all about Aryan pride which was advanced on the premise of prejudice, evil and cruelty of an “inferior” race.  A theory promoting it was okay to treat a race of people as less than human and subject them to horrific atrocities.  In the same vein, the Rebel flag may for some be a representation of Southern pride…it was born of a conflict much like the Nazis.  Southerners did not want to abolish a way of life; a slave system that subjected a race of “inferior” people to inhumane, a lot of times cruel and unspeakable treatment. 

The Confederate Flag saddens me because when I see it, I realize we have not come as far as I would like in terms of race relations and classism.  I see it as another means of creating hostility and bigotry.  It says to me…there are people who still feel superior and frankly are just not nice.

With that said, I know not all Southerners who fly the Rebel Flag are bigots or mean people. But I do think it shows a certain lack of empathy or naiveté.  Yeah…you’re southern but why would you want to be represented by a symbol that reminds people of a system where human beings/ancestors where oppressed and treated like animals because they were of a different hue; bought and sold like cattle?  Why are you so proud of a culture and people who so fervently believed their right to oppress and hold people in bondage for their own comfort and wealth to the point of going to WAR about it? 

It is touted the Civil War was about State Rights…which is  true, the States’ right to keep slaves!!  That’s what the Rebel Flag symbolizes…oppression, inhumane treatment, greed, and bigotry with a blatant disregard for a race of people because of their skin color!  The Civil War, or Northern Act of Aggression depending on where you live, was fought 150 years ago. . . and still the war rages on about a symbol that should be relegated to a museum for its historical significance only!! 

In answer to my friend's question . . . Yes, the Confederate Flag offends and saddens me!

In Diva love,

Pamela 

Guest Blog:Gerald Cole

These are Gerald's words from a FB post. Gerald is my younger brother who is never short of opinion. Yea, I guess that runs in the family. These are his words which I did not get permission to use but I am sure he won't mind. He wrote this in response to the state of Georgia's controversial decision to execute Troy Davis despite mounting evidence that could possibly have proven him innocent. Please comment. I'd love to hear your views on the subject.

AmeriKKKa has a deep-rooted history of racism and oppression of people of color in not only this nation but all over the world. It should come as no surprise that the state of Georgia would deny Troy Davis a stay of execution at this late hour. To do so would lift the veil of deceit, corruption, racism and racial prejudice that continues to exist not only in Georgia but all across this great nation we live in. I'm not appalled or shocked. AmeriKKKa has a history of killing our people unjustly through mob violence, lynchings and outright murder and now with the death penalty they do it outwardly and openly with no fear of repercussion. We've marched, wrote letters, emails, sent texts, protested and raised our voices in protests only to fall on the deaf ears of our so-called leaders and representatives in the justice system. Despite the mounting evidence that the police lied, tampered with evidence and used threats and coercison against witnesses in order to wrongly convict Troy Davis, the Supreme Court denied his just due and right to a fair trial in this country.

When I think of all the brave men and women that serve to protect the sovereignty and freedoms we have in America that are really limited at best to some of us due to the color of our skin, yet we sacrifice our lives for the freedom of those abroad to have access to a freedom and democracy we have yet to fully realize for ourselves right here at home, it sickens me. This country is the greatest country on Earth, yet it has so-many "in-house" problems it can't seem to resolve. The race issue is not dead, yet many would like to dismiss blatantly racial issues and say, "Oh, stop playing the race card." Yet, you have psychologist, and criminal profilers claiming that blacks are more likely to commit certain crimes after rehabilitation than other groups, blacks are more prone to commit violent acts than others and then use these prejudiced statements as basis for not only convictions but denials of parole, clemency and other processes that may exonerate not only the wrongly accused but those that have served their time for the crimes that they committed years ago.

Tonight we should all pray and come together for not just understanding but come together as a voice to these so-called politicians that are supposed to represent our interests. We need legislation proposed to end the Death Penalty, impose a real checks and balance of these police stations that doctor up evidence and make unlawful arrests, clean up the corruption within the highest ranks of police departments, eliminate the collusion between defense attornies and district attornies that plea bargain away the lives, hopes and dreams of innocent men and women of ALL RACES across this great nation. Somebody has to be accountable for this injustice, somebody has to be willing to stand up against it...I am. Are you? (Truly Saddened, Gerald Cole)

Copyright September 22, 2011 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

The Silence of a Break-up (Dorna's opinion)

It has been a while since I have posted a guest blog. Dorna had something on her mind that she wanted to share. See, not only am I negligent about my own posting but also those of my friends.  Feel free to comment and let us know if you agree or disagree or simply have another take on the situation.

When you enter into a relationship, you don’t do so with the thought of breaking up.  The beginning is so filled with promise; all singing bluebirds, flowers and starry eyes!!  How can you think of a relationship ending when everyone is on their best behavior…working to impress each other…lustful potential in the air!  Basically, hormones are generally running the show and they have no idea what a breakup means.

So, people sail blissfully down Rio Relationship, hands trailing in the swell of emotion in seemingly calm water.  They begin to share in guarded communication, which becomes more open about seemingly everything!  Trust begins to forge, the giddiness is overwhelming!!  They become convinced that the next step absolutely has to happen…and sex happens!!

Now the act has been committed and you find there are some things that weren’t shared or shown or overlooked.  Like the need for attention and communication for her and the need to be private and taciturn for him.  Both people started out filling these needs because they were in the impression stage, but now the true natures are beginning to emerge.  Shifting on both parts occur, but it gets harder to fulfill or accept the other one’s needs.

Communication becomes more strained and less frequent.  Conjecture and assumptions become the norm and lead to hurt or angry feelings.  Both parties know something is wrong, but won’t admit it and only skirt the issue.  They both keep down a path they know is not good but to truly communicate about it is not going to happen.  The silences become more frequent and longer until one day there is nothing but silence!! 

 “What the hell? Is he really not going to call me?” “It’s been two weeks and I haven’t heard from her…hmmm!”   “Oh, I wish I would call his ass, I haven’t done anything to him!!”  “She must be really pissed…she’ll get over it.”  These dialogues continue until months have passed and still…silence!! The silence doesn’t give closure or answers…it just is!! The breakup has come and no one knew it would look so abrupt…so confusing…so LOUDLY QUIET!!  And one question screaming in the silence…What happened?

Copyright July 13, 2011 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

A Mary Christmas

So December has rolled in rather quietly and the reality is that the celebration of Christ's birth is imminently near. It is easy for us to get caught up in the holiday bustle and FORGET that the true focus of Christmas is Christ. No matter how much we love Him, it is easy to get caught up and thrown off balance. The other day, my dear friend Tracie asked me to proofread a devotional that she would deliver to the leadership team of our Bible Study. I loved it and asked her if I could share. She was willing and the following are her words. Let us know what you think!

As the calendar turned to expose November, my mind immediately turned to Christmas…(how could they not when the stores had already decked their aisles)...how were we going to afford it, where were we going to put the tree and decorations, we are in a new house after all, would Meredith be here, would my mom visit, I really would like to get the kitchen painted before the holiday, what picture will we send out this year…..but regrettably I admit, none of my thoughts were consumed with how can I “Worship my Savior”, how could I “Prepare for His Birth”….they were all selfish/self-centered thoughts and worries.


So I began to be convicted daily about the amount of time I spend Preparing to Celebrate the Season when what I truly wanted/needed to do is Worship my Savior….. How do I Worship rather than Celebrate….To Celebrate is to observe or commemorate and event through public festivities and gatherings…To Worship is to express adoring reverence or regard personally through ardent devotion….WOW, I don’t’ know that I have ever really worshipped Christmas (the coming of the Savior...) but I know I have done a lot of celebrating.


In my effort to seek out how to do just that…Worship my Savior this year rather than merely Celebrate the Season, I began daily reading the account of Christs incarnation and studying the ONE biblical example of a woman who had Prepared for the Saviors arrival….Mary.


So how do we have “A Mary Christmas”? Revisit and re-read Luke 1:26 – 39 and Luke 2:4 – 20 which tell the original Christmas story. Let's use the word "SIMPLE" as an acronym for how we can keep Christ in Christmas and not major on the minor this holiday season as well as follow Mary's example.

S – Scriptural : Mary sang hymns and spiritual songs…”The Magnificat”, she recognized the Messiah of Old Testament as the angel appointed her mother of the Most High God. So often this time of year when our focus should be on God and His Word, it is laid aside in an effort to accomplish the many other tasks on our to-do list….we’ll get back to a quiet time in the New Year…we’ll resolve. Make Christmas Scriptural….We give our children three gifts each year, a gift of want, a gift of need and a gift of love…in keeping with the 3 gifts Jesus received from the Maggi. I read an article this year of a family whose gifts are based on Luke 2:40..”And the child grew and became strong; he was filled with wisdom and the grace of God was upon Him.” Is your Advent calendar filled with candy or treats, do you open the door to receive a sweet, or do you open the door to taste and see that the Lord is good…add a short Scripture reading to each day.


I – Intentional: Mary was intentional about her preparation…she asked the angel a specific question in v. 34 of Chapter 1, “how will this be”. In v. 39 of that same Chapter, Mary got ready and hurried to Elizabeth's home. We receive so many invitations and offers, we have so many commitments this time of year, each student has a concert or performance, the angel choir is singing, the company Christmas party, the ladies Christmas brunch….the list goes on and on….but we need to be intentional with our time…Determine in your heart and mind ahead of time what you will and wont participate in, the activities you do and don’t have time for….and I promise you, it is easier if you keep in mind that you want to Worship the Savior this year rather than Celebrate a Season.


M – Memorable: Luke 2:19, But Mary, Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart”….The word treasured in that verse in the Greek means to “preserve” or “to make a memory of”…Mary made a memory of these things…..Is my Christmas memorable to me and my children, or do I want to forget them at the end of December and rush into January….am I making memories?
P – Purposeful: in verse 31 – 33, Mary receives her purpose, and she then lives the rest of her life fulfilling that purpose. If my purpose is to Worship the Savior this December, then the commitments I make, events I attend and gifts I give should be fulfilling that purpose….what is my purpose behind baking 15 types of cookies..? To bless the neighbors with a plate, or to win the Betty Crocker award? What is my purpose for attending all of those events….to be the Christmas Queen, to impress someone else, or because it’s an opportunity to witness to the lost world around me…? What is your purpose…?


L – Lasting/Eternal: Mary had an eternal perspective…in v. 33, the angel told Mary, he (the son you will bear) Jesus will reign over the house of Jacob forever and his kingdom will never end. Is what I am doing to prepare this Advent season temporal or eternal….do those 15 different types of cookies have any eternal value….Yes, if they are given with a card that shares the true meaning of Christmas, but No, if they are just for the neighborhood cookie exchange. Luke 2:19 again says Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart….What are you treasuring up this Christmas…? Matthew 6:19 - 24 tells us, “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven where moth and rust do not destroy and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.


E – Enjoyable: In the midst of announcement, anticipation and arrival…Mary pondered which in the Greek means “to meditate, to think quietly, soberly, deeply” “ to appraise, to weigh in the mind the value of”…Mary sat in the straw of a stable, cuddled the Savior and enjoyed….as the angels around her rejoiced, the shepherds beside her shard, and she enjoyed…..

I pray you have “A Mary Christmas”….May you Worship the Savior!

Copyright by Pamela Cole Thorpe on December 4, 2010

Bullies...Whup Dat A--!!!

Dorna has a lot on her mind. The latest of which is bullying. The topic is in the news lately because of several suicides that have occurred as a result of such intolerable behavior. Sometimes parents have to take less than favorable stands on behalf of their children. Bullying is a coward's tactic. Enough of my opinion, this is Dorna's blog. Feel free to comment on Dorna's opinion.

Most of us heard the story of James Jones, the Florida father who stormed his 13 year-old cerebral palsy daughter’s bus to confront students who had been bullying her. Mr. Jones was arrested for his profanity laced outburst, for which he was released on $2000 bail and subsequently apologized. Mr. Jones’ behavior has been questioned and commented on with a resounding majority feeling he did the wrong thing for the right reason. Based on the comments I’ve read regarding the incident on CNN, !Yahoo News, and USA Today, people are very sympathetic to Mr. Jones’ reaction. Mr. Jones reacted as a father who has learned his daughter had been bullied for sometime; causing her to skip school to avoid her tormentors because she couldn’t deal with the problem. To make matters worse, the onset of the bullying began because she was defending someone else from bullying! I bet you Mr. Jones’ internal thought was “Ah hell naw!” I hazard to guess most parents would have a similar reaction.


My daughter is 17 years old in her senior year in Peachtree City, GA. Recently, she became embroiled in “girl drama” resulting in the breakdown of friendship between her and some of the “young ladies” (I use this term loosely). Lorin, realized the friendships were not true friendships and was okay with the loss. However, the “young ladies” began loud talking and taunting her on the bus and at school encouraging others to join in. It came to a head one afternoon, when they were to get off the bus and Lorin realized they were all walking toward our house to continue taunting and/or fight her. Lorin informed the bus driver that she was not getting off the bus and would get off at a different stop with another girlfriend and have me pick her up. The bus driver told her she had to get off there and could not get off at the other stop because she didn’t have a note. Lorin called me on her cell; the bus driver REFUSED to speak with me and continued to insist Lorin get off. Lorin refused and the bus driver eventually ended up turning the bus around and taking her (and everyone still on the bus) back to the school.


To say I was livid is an understatement!! I could not BELIEVE my child was being informed to head into harm’s way when she is asking for help from a supposedly responsible ADULT!! I have to say, God looked out for all involved that day, especially me!! He know if I had been at home (I had just started a new job that day), Mr. Jones’ behavior would have seemed mild in comparison to what would have occurred if I had showed up at Lorin’s bus stop!! As the kids say, it would have been on and popping!! As it is, I still want to cuss and smack the heck out of the girls, other students on the bus, and the bus driver!!


When my daughter arrived back at the school, she was able to see the principal and informed of her of what had occurred. The principal ordered Peer Mediation for the next day, but the “bullying” is still occurring. Even though I’ve met with one of the girl’s mother, the guidance counselor and spoken with two other administrators, things are still not right. Oh, and the bus driver, no action against her and I’m still waiting for a call back from the supervisor!! So, I have told my child ignore the heffas…I mean “young ladies”, however if they put their hands on her she is to “whup dat ass!!” She may not win, but let them know she’s not having it!! Now, I agree that violence doesn’t solve everything, but I think that’s the only language bullies understand!! Speaking in calm, rational tones will only incur more bullying. We know the major reasons bullies act as they do is because they are insecure about their own intelligence and place in the world. They are Satan’s minions in my estimation…they seek, kill, and destroy…another person’s self worth!!


I was not a bully growing up and was not a bullied. Bullying is as old as Cain and Abel, but I think it has moved to a more active level with the advent of some technology and the breakdown of civility in today’s society. I believe because we are no longer allowed to assist with “raising” each other’s children, the ability for bullies and children in general to get away with bad behavior has become more prevalent. Parents are not teaching good citizenship at home. Not to mention, TV and the Internet are not putting positive messages out on respectful behavior. The reality shows alone teach nothing but ignorance and disrespectfulness; to themselves and others.


As a parent, I have always taught Lorin to treat others with respect and courtesy; to have compassion for others. One of the things I have discovered as of late is that she doesn’t understand even if she isn’t the perpetrator of wrong to someone; laughing and/or saying nothing makes her just as complicit. It helps perpetuate bullying. Granted it may be funny to you, but it ceases to be funny when someone is hurt by the words and/or actions!! I have been trying to get her to see that she would not appreciate some of the things said if they were said to her!! She has to set an example by not reacting negatively and sometimes having to speak up for someone even when it’s not popular.


I totally empathize with Mr. Jones and have no issue with how he handled the situation. . I personally, feel Mr. Jones should be given an award and the tape of him “speaking” to the bullies be played to children all over the world!! The bus driver KNEW his daughter was being harassed. It’s her job to be aware of what’s going on and if she says she didn’t know, I have to say she’s lying. The school probably knew also and failed to take any action, probably because their hands are so tied with all of the legal crap they have to deal with to keep from being sued because they don’t want to infringe on upon some bad ass student’s right 30 years ago (maybe even 20) a parent having to involve themselves would have called for beatings all around. I don’t know about others, but if my mama came to the bus stop (or the school grounds), all involved would answer to her and THEN answer to their own parents. NOBODY would be sitting down for awhile!! Kudos to Mr. Jones in making sure his daughter’s tormentors were addressed!!

So how do we stop bullying? I go back to my battle cry “Elders take our village back”!! Don’t let the “rights” of children “bully” us (adults) into accepting bad and/or disrespectful behavior!! Be an example of good citizenship!! And most of all, PRAY… “correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction.” 2Timothy 4:2.

Copyright by Pamela Cole Thorpe on October 19, 2010

Rules

Hey! I am not on top of my blogging game this week(got plenty on my mind, just haven't typed it all out) but my girl Dorna was. She had some things on her mind. So I present you with a guest blog. Dorna, like myself, welcomes feedback. Let us know what you think!

Rules



I have had several conversations with my boyfriend about what he feels is my disdain of following rules. According to him, I don’t follow rules or totally disregard them if I don’t like them. Unfortunately, he is not the only one of that opinion about me. Recently, I asked my boss what the protocol was for a certain method of communication and his response to me was, “Oh, now you want to follow the rules!!” So, I’ve been giving some reflection as to why the perception prevails (because it’s most certainly not true!!) Here are some of the thoughts that have come to me: 1). Most rules are short sighted; rule makers don’t always consider future possibilities. 2) The rule makers aren’t always the correct (or brightest for that matter) people to make the rules. 3) A lot of the time rules are too absolute; other than the 10 commandments, I’m not sure why I would follow everything to the letter. 4) A lot of rules are just plain stupid; but that goes back to my theory there are way more stupid people in the world than smart; therefore rule makers are stupid!!


One definition of Merriam-Webster’s definition of a rule is “a prescribed guide for conduct or action”. Another one is “an accepted procedure, custom, or habit” and finally, “the exercise of authority or control”. Now I realize that rules are part of everything we do in life otherwise we would have anarchy and chaos. So, I understand the need for rules but they should really be more guidelines allowing some flexibility. The more I pondered on this “rules thing”, I also realized most people don’t think rules should not be challenged!! I think that is probably my issue more than anything. For those who know me, things have to make some sort of sense to ME and if it doesn’t questions will be raised. The answer, “that’s the rule” is just not sufficient for me!! And that’s usually because the explanation has no basis in sound thinking, not my concern or it’s just plain stupid!! I often find myself asking someone when I’m challenging a rule/guideline/process “Does that make sense to you?” (What I’m actually thinking, “Seriously who came up with this crap?”) or “I’m the first person to have issue with this? These questions generally result in the “huh” look or “Ma’am you’re the only one who’s ever had an issue with this” or “Look lady (witch), you’ll have to take this up with someone else” (translate: get out of my face!) or “No, but that’s the rule”. These answers frustrate me to no end!


So, what I’ve determined is the majority of people will do as told without question. Going back to Merriam-Webster’s definition, rules are “accepted custom” (by the majority) to”exercise control” (by the rule makers). But here’s the thing, I use my “prescribed for conduct or action” based on my experience or what makes sense to ME!! I don’t necessarily know the rules because I don’t think like the rule makers and I’m never the rule maker (except in my home). I go blithely through life being Dorna and then BAM…I run into “the rules”. Rules not made by me or had my input. Rules made for those who don’t always want to think. Rules that don’t necessarily make sense to anyone other than the rule maker!

As a result of all this reflection, I submit I’m not a rule breaker but a rule challenger !! I invite everyone to question the rules also. Don’t always go with the flow, because crap flows downhill!!


As Pam says…be a blessing!!

Copyright October7, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

The Race Card

Dorna has another opinion to share.....again, your feedback is welcome. She highlights a much discussed topic....race in America. It is a significant issue, but mainstream America is loathe to really deal with it honestly. I have an opinion about this subject but I have not completed my blog on the subject. I want to deliver a candid piece that doesn't come off angry and bitter. So eventually, you all will see it, but not now. Anyway, Here is Dorna's opinion on the matter. Have a good weekend!!

Over the years I’ve seen events blown out of proportion because the “race card” is played. Unfortunately, a lot of times the issue of race/color is injected inappropriately and skews the real issue and dynamics of a solution. But recently I have begun to realize that as much as I would like to see the world with rose colored glasses, race is a HUGE factor in the majority of situations.
For those who don’t know me, let me give you some background on Dorna. I am an African-American who grew up in Gary, IN. Unbeknownst to me, Gary was actually a segregated city, it just wasn't apparent to me. I went to an all Black elementary school from 2nd through 6th grades. I went to a predominately White middle school across town for a “better” education where I was usually the only black or 1 of maybe 4 at the most. I went to a private even more predominately White school for 2 years and then back to public school, again predominately White. I went to a HBCU for college where only 1 white student matriculated. Each time I landed in a new environment I made friends; accepting all regardless of color as people who were like me…fun! These experiences formed one of the major tenets of my life and I tell my daughter this regularly, good people and idiots come in all colors. I have friends of all backgrounds and hue which is exactly how I like it!

After college, I moved to the DC area and worked with a diverse population and really didn’t think much on the matter of race. I married and settled in Northern Virginia living in predominately white neighborhoods. Again I made many friends and enjoyed fulfilling relationships. Approximately 5 years ago I moved to Southwest GA and subsequently Atlanta, Georgia. OMG…Can you say CULTURE SHOCK?!!! It became pretty apparent rather quickly things were very different in GA. The racial divide was more like an abyss!! Every day I was reminded of my color from Whites and Blacks; there were no other minorities in SW GA. Atlanta has not proven to be much different, but there are other minorities to be seen.

My racial experience since living in Georgia has really made me rethink how people see me, how I see myself and how I interact with people. I’ve always known that I’m Black, but that was not what defined me. When things didn’t work out or I had an issue with someone, I didn't play the "race card"; being Black was the last thing on my list as the reason. I defined myself as Dorna who happens to be a Black person, but now I’m a Black person named Dorna. I haven’t totally decided if this is a good change but what I do know is, we have not come as far as we would like to think regarding race; and racism is alive and well in these United States!!

I still think diversity is the best option in terms of interaction for me, but I’m more cognizant of how peoples’ thought processes regarding me and the world are formed. I can see a little clearer some of the hidden agendas that keep minorities in situations of disadvantage and oppression. I see how Civil Rights and Affirmative Action have not “leveled” the playing field; but have muddied it. We ALL have biases and to pretend otherwise is disingenuous. The only way to eradicate racism is true change in mind sets and perceptions. Racism is a very deep pervasive issue that unless openly and candidly addressed, will never be resolved. It is more apparent to me than ever since Barack Obama was elected the “race card” is seriously in play. From criticism that has been leveled against him in rude divisive tirades to assassination threats that are so cavalierly issued. Don’t get me wrong, I have issues with some of Barack’s policies, but I have had issues with all of the presidents with the exception of Jimmy Carter. For the record, I was going to vote for Hillary Clinton and went out of my way not to look at Obama’s color as a factor for my candidate. But I have to say, once he was elected, I was happy a Black man had finally made it to the White House. And not just any Black man but one who I could relate to; strong, intelligent, and innovative with a middle class upbringing and diverse connections. He and his family (immediate & extended) epitomize the “melting pot” that is supposed to be America.

I pray now for true equality for all and real dialogue that breaks down barriers. I pray I make a difference by my behavior and interaction with everyone. I pray one day, we will all be free and truly love thy neighbors as Christ loves us!!

Copyright April 10, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

What Ernestine Knows For Sure

Ernestine is my mom. She is 66 years young and doing her thing. She is my first role model. I'm lucky that in adulthood, we've found a comfortable friendship. We had some crazy years there when I was in high school and to be honest, I wasn't sure that she could or would ever be my friend. We survived! I love her dearly and we have a good relationship. We respect each other and though we don't always agree, we know that love conquers all and family is important. While both my brother and I love to write, mom likes to communicate with folks, but writing is not her gift. She's really a talker! She was reluctant when I asked her to blog out what she knows for sure. What she did instead is sent me a card with a small note listing the things she knows for sure. She left it to me to put it out there for her. So this is her version of what she knows for sure at this point in her life.....

1. You must have faith in God.

2. Everyone should have money in the bank.

3. Peace of mind is necessary and important.

4. Me-time is also necessary and important to every one. You can't be all things to all people if you haven't cared for yourself first.

5. It is important to know how to say, "NO!!!!" In other words, boundaries are important.

That's it folks. Her list was short, succinct, and rather simple. Yet, it speaks volumes. I hope you enjoyed all three versions of what we know for sure. We all have different life perspectives but I see that we all agree, that you need some level of faith as well as you need to take care of yourself before you deal with others. I know it is difficult if you are a mom or a wife. You still need to find those moments. I hope you have a wonderful weekend. Spring is finally here! Be safe and above all, bless someone with a smile or the gift of your time!

Copyright March 26, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

These Things, Dorna Knows For Sure

Dorna is a little older than me and what she knows for sure is of course different from what I know for sure. Of course, your comments and opinions are always welcome. Here is her version(in her own words, of course)......

I am a whopping 48 years, 6 months, 17 days old!! A lot of this time I kind of just went through life oblivious of what was occurring, but in the last decade, I started paying attention. Since then, here's what I realized I know to be true!!

There is no Parental Handbook!! If there was, life for parents of teenagers would be sooooo much easier!! I remember when I had my daughter 16 years ago; my mother came to stay with me for 2 weeks. She took care of the baby and me; hopefully to help me transition to motherhood. She left with my husband driving her back early in the morning leaving me and the baby behind. After approximately 8 hours of me being solo with my new bundle of joy, I sat down to rest while my daughter napped. I remember that moment like it was yesterday because this thought came to me..."I'm so tired, I can't wait for my life to get back to normal!" Then it hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks...this was my life!!! I promptly burst into tears!! How could my mother have left me with this beautiful little girl, BY MYSELF with no manual or directions?? Whatever was I going to do? I'm still asking that question and my beautiful Little Brown Girl is 16; I'm flying without a net folks!!

Not everyone knows how to be a friend, especially a good one. Friendship, like marriage, is hard work!! The depth, season, and quality changes, but work to maintain friendships/relationships is required. I think because we start forming friendships at the very beginning of life, many take friendships for granted for the most part. For many, your first friend is a sibling or cousin. No effort on either parties part, just a lot of time in each other's company allowing you to learn likes/dislikes, giving love reciprocally and garnering respect. This becomes the basis of how we develop outside friendships and relationships; good or bad. Being a good friend requires extra effort and the reward is amazing when realized. But sometimes you find yourself in friendships that are not healthy no matter how much you give. That is because the other party doesn't know how to really be a friend because they're emotionally stunted or selfish or manipulative or have never been in a good friendship!! I did finally figure out that friendships are like marriage or relationships, sometimes you just picked the wrong person and you have to just let it go. It will hurt but hopefully God will send you a real friend very soon. For me, friendship is summed up by the motto of Omega Psi Phi Fraternity, "Friendship is essential to the soul!"

The Woman's Movement hasn't helped as much as we think!! I'm sure there are some feminist who've read that and want to slap my face! You're entitled to that thought, but stay with me for a minute and consider this...besides the ability to work like a dog as men, what has really changed? Women are still not paid as well as men regardless of education or experience. Yeah we now have more female execs and athletes, but look at the numbers and they don't equally add up! Stay at home moms are still not fully respected as much as the working mother. I don't care what feminist rhetoric is in vogue at the moment, but I know way more working moms would trade places with a stay at home mother in a freakin' heartbeat! This is the one that works me the most, women don't need a man to be complete or take care of them!! Whatever!!! The Bible tells us, God made woman for man because "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." (Genesis 1:18)! If we weren't made to complete each other we wouldn't have different parts!! I'm sure I've now offended the homosexual community with that statement, but it's what I believe!! So, thanks to the Woman's Movement giving us freedoms, but women have paid a high price for it!

Political Correctness is BS!! The term Political Correctness is an oxymoron and absurd!! This term came on the scene right about the time Diversity Awareness came along. Both of these things were supposed to make everyone more sensitive, tolerant of differences and commonalities. Instead, we now have warm and fuzzy phrases being spewed to mask our inner thinking. I mean if you are calling me an African-American to my face but still thinking "Nigga" and treating me like one, call a spade a spade out loud!!! At least I know where you stand and have no delusions. Yes, we should all be bias free, but change has to be as much inward as outward. Otherwise, you do a disservice to yourself and others. By the way, I really hate when people say "the N word".

God is real! I have not always been a spiritual being. Growing up we went to church on holidays with my relatives until I was about 11 when my mother bought a car. It was then I discovered I was actually Catholic!! I took my first communion at 12 and confirmation at 14, after years of passive spirituality. Even meeting the requirements of these milestones, I didn't really think about or experience God. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it was because of Catholicism, just that there was no at home reinforcement. I began to consider God more as I took religion classes in Catholic school, but He was still more of a fuzzy concept and extremely confusing Trinity (still not quite sure I've got that straight). I went to college to a religious based school (Christian Methodist Episcopal) where I began to think more about God, but it was more in the context of rule breaking. I didn't want to go to hell, so I was more conscious about my actions and lack of prayer. Then I had my daughter which changed a lot of my "me" focus thinking and more about her future and my role. What did I stand for? I started reading my bible more and understanding the need for real prayer and God became REAL!! As Oprah would say, I had an Ah Ha moment!! If God is not a part of your thinking or life, I urge you to seek Him!! He is EVERYTHING you need and the true source of LOVE!!

So folks, what do you know for sure. These are Dorna's words, not mine. I gave my opinion on March 5th. I hope you read it. Up next is what my lovely mother knows for sure. In the meantime, have a wonderful wet weekend! Ciao!

Copyright March 13, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

Same but Different

Here's another blog written by my friend, Dorna. She has taken the liberty to sum up our friendship and she did it so well. I love her like a sister and I can neither add nor subtract from what she has written. I hope each and everyone of you has at least one friend like Dorna in your corner. We've laughed together, cried together, and just simply had fun together. No pretense and very little drama along the way. Oh and because of her, I gave guacamole another chance and will eat it in small quantities. So here is my girl, Dorna, in her own words.........

Same Kind of Different As Me
Last year this time I was walking through Barnes and Noble (one of my absolute favorite places) and saw the book, Same Kind of Different As Me, in the bargain section. I knew nothing about it being a book club selection of many or that it had been a best seller. I was totally captivated by the title because it immediately made think of My Favorite, Pam Thorpe! Pam and I share a really special deep friendship that has developed in a fairly short time. One day during a visit, I had an epiphany and I said “Pam, we’re the same, but different!” Which of course made us bust out laughing because it just sounded so silly! It is, in fact, the truest statements I’ve ever made and we find ourselves still saying it and understanding the comfort in the knowledge.

I met Pam in November of 2005 while we were both in the Godforsaken place of Albany, GA!! Both of us had relocated from relative normalcy and displaced to The Place Time Left Behind; connecting via her husband with whom I worked. We came together passively and more out of a sense of need for connection but we grew over the next 6 months to actively seeking each other out. The summer of 2006 we began to spend a lot of time together as her husband was out of the country. We both had children (my daughter then 12, her daughter 8 & son 4), loved to talk, cook, read and most of all laugh!! We shared some of our best meals with our combined cooking and meager money. The more time we shared together, it became evident we really liked each other and had kindred spirits!! I had a new REAL friend and FAVORITE!!

The sameness of Pam and me has helped me at times to know that I’m not such a misfit. We both are strong, intelligent, confident African-American women. We both went to private and public schools with diverse populations; sometimes predominately white. We both have the same top pet peeves: rudeness, selfishness and mean people!! We are both outgoing, easily making friends; having strong passions and values. We love mixing it up with diverse folks and being in the thick of things. Family is extremely important to us and we believe in the village concept of child rearing, much to our children’s chagrin. We are both problem solvers but we are both capable of raising hell if the issue warrants it!!

Where Pam and I are different makes for the wonderfulness of our friendship!! Pam doesn’t like guacamole…that’s just un-American!! :) Pam has the best gift of discernment and analysis. Although I’m analytical, I’m sometimes too tunneled (or oblivious) to discern the truth about things or people. Because of Pam though, I am becoming more trusting of my own instincts. Pam’s faith is really strong, whereas I’m not as far in my walk, she continues to encourage me with her shining example (..this little light of mine…!).

Pam and I now live 700 miles apart and I miss the ability to see her face to face, though we talk regularly. Truthfully, there are days that I feel like Pam gets the short end our friendship because she is a wonderful person with a generous, giving heart and spirit. She never fails to brighten my day and lifts my spirits when we chat. I can call and ask her the craziest question or have a really deep conversation. I would fight for her and would want her, along with my sister Robin, at my side in a fight. If I had to pay her for all of the psychotherapy /advice she has given, she would be RICH! Instead, my life is richer because of her friendship!! Everyone should be so lucky to have a friend like her!! Pam is the 2nd sister I wish my mother had given me, but God was kind enough to bring her to me. The best part of our differences is that we can RESPECT each other regardless and LOVE each other unconditionally!! Unfortunately, not many friendships/relationships have this attribute. Our friendship celebrates the fact that we are same, but different!

Copyright February 18, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

Dumb is in Style

Whassup, peeps! I told you that from time to time I'd have a guest blogger. Today's post is written by a very good friend of mine residing in the ATL. Her name is Dorna and I met her in November 2005 when I relocated to Albany, GA. The best way to describe our friendship is that we are the same but different. We love a lot of the same foods, books, shoes, and handbags. We enjoy several of the same TV shows and share many of the same opinions yet we differ on several things. We keep each other on our toes and inspire and challenge each other in all aspects of life such as love, parenting, and spirituality. Recently, we had a discussion that being dumb was currently in style and that intelligent folks were really a small percentage of the population. As always, comments are expected and welcome. Here is Dorna's opinion.........

Growing up, I was taught I had to master certain things in order to succeed in life; reading, writing and arithmetic to name a few. I didn’t have much trouble mastering any of these things and was quite proud of myself for the ability. I also figured everyone else would have to do the same thing if they wanted to make it in life. Sure there were some people in my class that had some difficulties, but for the most part everyone got it. If you didn’t you weren’t able to “pass” to the next grade. I went through life with the philosophy that 85% of the world is smart and 15% is not quite so smart.

So imagine my surprise as I started interacting in the real world only to discover my numbers were waaaaayyyy off!! I kept giving people the benefit of the doubt because otherwise I would have to change my thinking about the world. I periodically adjusted my percentages because I would have several encounters in a row with people who were unbelievably stupid in thinking, process, or outlook. Then I realized my percentages were just totally off to begin with; I should have flipped the numbers at the very beginning!! The real minority is smart people and we only make up 15% of the world!! Today is a good day, so I’m being gracious because it’s probably lower in reality!! Now I’m sure if you have just read that statement, you are thinking that I’m either really full of myself or you’re part of the 15%. Trust me; I did not come to this conclusion lightly. In my journey of life, so many events have occurred on a personal, societal, and global level that can only be explained as people are stupid!!!

Personal example, my soon to be ex-husband, who is a very nice person, still lives in the home we bought together with 2 incomes. He doesn’t want to move even though keeping the house puts him in such a financial bind that he has had to get a roommate; and still struggles. He refinanced the home with an ARM which I knew would expire. So I suggested that he refinance the mortgage. Instead of working with his current mortgage company, he went to a disreputable organization who instructed him not to pay his mortgage; send them the mortgage payment and they would work it all out! You all are probably cringing right now and know exactly where this story is headed. Yep…they did nothing, his mortgage was not paid for 3 months; I found out and sent him in another direction. Now his credit is totally screwed!! The only explanation for this…stupidity!!!

Societal example, let’s take a look at the latest celebrity sex scandal…John Edwards’ love child! Seriously, what rock has he been under? Has he ever heard about DNA and paternity testing? Did he miss the coverage of Former President Bill Clinton, Jesse Jackson, Kobe Bryant, and Former Governor Elliott Spitzer and let’s not forget Tiger Woods! Edwards, like the others, just doesn’t get it, the moment you have sex with someone other than your spouse…you too will get caught!!! Lying will not help you, and there’s always evidence!! If the woman will commit adultery with you, what makes you think she’s trustworthy enough not to expose your dumb ass? Oh, that’s right; you’re smarter than the other guys. No, what you are is stupid!!!

Global example, consider the war in Afghanistan. I have a very strong opinion about war in general, but here’s what works my nerve about the Afghanistan war. I was fully behind Bush when he declared war in search of Osama Bin Laden. I totally understood his rationale. What became an issue was not having a firm game plan and timeline. Not to mention we (America) didn’t really have a full grip on Bin Laden’s methods and international influence. So we go in with less than necessary force and here we are 9 years later no closer to apprehending him than we are the Man in the Moon!! Osama is somewhere laughing his butt off and calling Americans and our allies STUPID!!

Now knowing that I’m part of a real minority doesn’t make me feel better, I just want to find the other intelligent people and live in smart bliss. Actually, if we could rule the world, life would be better for the majority!!

Copyright February 6, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe