Wordless Wednesday-May 11, 2016

 In Diva Love, 

Pam 🙏🏽

My Loss, Heaven's Gain

I write this post with a heavy heart.  My words will probably not adequately convey exactly what I want to, nor will they express all the emotions that I am feeling-and I am feeling some kind of way. Still in the throes of trying to understand why my favorite artist, Prince was gone, I had to put those thoughts to rest and focus on someone much more tangible and important in my world. On Friday, April 29th, I had to deal with the very real loss of an individual who touched most every aspect of my life, being given her angel wings and taking her eternal rest. That person is my Grandmother, Leola Brown, who is known as Nanno to me and her other grand and great-grandchildren.

                                       

This loss can be summed up in so many ways, but I am going to count myself lucky to have had her for just shy of 48 years. Nanno almost made it to her 102nd birthday, which would have been celebrated in the best month of the year--June. June happens to be my birth month too.  I am happy to say that when our family comes together to say our final farewells, it will not be the first time she will be given her accolades. She has always been highly respected and celebrated among her family.  We each have been given both private and very public opportunities to express to her how loved, cherished and important she was to us.

After losing her husband of 52 years and all five of her siblings, Nanno was the matriarch of our family.  Not the ruling with an iron fist type of matriarch but a woman with a quiet observant nature who hated conflict. She was purposefully wise and full of strength and fortitude. She was comfortable in her skin and equally comfortable with her choices, even if you weren't in agreement with her decision. Once her mind was made up, you could pretty much save your arguments and pleas, the decision was pretty much final.

For most of my childhood and adolescent life, I had the fortune(although as a child, I don't think I viewed it this way) to grow up living right next door to my grandparents. I could just skip through my front or back yard and be at their house in seconds. Didn't like what my mom cooked, could look down into her kitchen to see if it would be better to eat over there. Could hear her and my grandfather every time they went in or out. Could catch a ride, could beg for money, and could sneak and use the phone when punished. Her basement was made for partying and gathering. Let's just say my sister-cousin Tracy and I made sure to utilize that in our teen years as well as our early adult years. What happened in the basement stayed in the basement.Like most grandparents, they spoiled us more than our parents. 

                                       

What I'll miss most especially as an adult who moved away from Cleveland were the times I could come home and roll in through her back door and have moments to myself. Those were the priceless conversations and moments to cherish. I gleaned so much wisdom from those interactions. I could see the pride that she had in our family's history and her desire to share that. I know that she truly believed and embraced the Lord's commandment to "honor your father and mother that your days may be prolonged in the Land which your Lord your God gives you. " (Exodus 20:12 NASB). Since I was a first hand witness of how she cared for her own mom in her later years, I take the charge to honor your parents quite seriously. I feel assured that my own mom will be around for quite a while for this same reason. As Nanno did before her, with her mother, Carrie Chappell, My mom handled her business very well when it came to Nanno. Not out of a sense of obligation but out of sheer respect for her as a mom and person. 

Those conversations were special because you never knew what Nanno had on her mind or what she might say. I learned a lot about trusting God and praying. I know I had a praying grandmother (insert Helen Baylor's voice here). I didn't grow up in a family who showed a great deal of affection or who verbalized their love for you. Do not interpret this as I grew up in a loveless family.  I certainly didn't. I grew up in a family where it should be assumed and assured by the sacrifices and hard work to make things happen that you were loved and cared for. But it was in these private conversations that Nanno expressed that she was proud of the person I'd become as well as in the way I went about it. These moments are where you heard the things you needed to encourage you and let you know that she noticed they way you lived your life and that she was totally aware of your heart. Her discernment skills were truly on point. I never heard Nanno verbalize an "I love you" until I was well into adulthood. Imagine my shock the first time she said it, but oh to know the joy and pleasure of that moment. It did not validate me, it let me know that each day is new and God still changes people and calls them to be more and more like Him. 

This  post could go on forever because there are a zillion things I can remember, cherish, and share about Nanno. I am tearing up now so I'm going to end with this. I am going to really miss Nanno. She was a rock. She was a pillar of strength and a pillar of the community. She was a mom, a grandmother, a great-grandma, a sister, an aunt, a friend, a Christian, a gardener, lover of yellow and Dancing with the Stars. She liked baseball and listening to the radio. She was an excellent fried chicken/fish, peach cobbler, biscuits, and macaroni and cheese cook. She hated to argue and was loyal. She quietly made things happen. She had high standards. She was dignified. She couldn't handle pain. She didn't drive but got wherever she wanted to go. She was giving and loving. She was wise. She was my favorite person. 

                                       

Her passing leaves a huge hole in my heart. I've never really done life without her. I'll miss her watchful eye and wise thoughts. I'll miss sitting down at her kitchen table to discuss what she's seen and observed in her life. A lot happens in a century. She experienced or witnessed the Great Depression, several wars, copious presidents, world tragedies, Jim Crow, South to North  migration, lots of births, deaths, marriages and divorces, space travel, so many inventions, technology, the election of Our first African-American president, assassinations of historical greats and the list goes on and on. 

As she entered the heavenly gates, not only was she welcomed into the arms of a Loving Jesus who could say nothing less than "well done my good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share Your Master's happiness." (Matthew 25:23 NIV), I stand assured she was greeted by countless loved ones who'd gone before. And the Angels rejoiced.

We too rejoice at the mark and legacy she left our family. We also mourn because a part of our hearts has received her eternal rest and reward and will no longer be here on earth with us. To be absent from the body is to be in the presence of the Lord. Nanno, I love you and you will always hold a very special place in my heart. Leola Brown you are no longer an earthly angel, you are now a heavenly angel and I hope to feel your presence daily as you watch over and guide us from above.

Tearfully submitted 

In Diva love,

Pam 😘