These Things, Dorna Knows For Sure

Dorna is a little older than me and what she knows for sure is of course different from what I know for sure. Of course, your comments and opinions are always welcome. Here is her version(in her own words, of course)......

I am a whopping 48 years, 6 months, 17 days old!! A lot of this time I kind of just went through life oblivious of what was occurring, but in the last decade, I started paying attention. Since then, here's what I realized I know to be true!!

There is no Parental Handbook!! If there was, life for parents of teenagers would be sooooo much easier!! I remember when I had my daughter 16 years ago; my mother came to stay with me for 2 weeks. She took care of the baby and me; hopefully to help me transition to motherhood. She left with my husband driving her back early in the morning leaving me and the baby behind. After approximately 8 hours of me being solo with my new bundle of joy, I sat down to rest while my daughter napped. I remember that moment like it was yesterday because this thought came to me..."I'm so tired, I can't wait for my life to get back to normal!" Then it hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks...this was my life!!! I promptly burst into tears!! How could my mother have left me with this beautiful little girl, BY MYSELF with no manual or directions?? Whatever was I going to do? I'm still asking that question and my beautiful Little Brown Girl is 16; I'm flying without a net folks!!

Not everyone knows how to be a friend, especially a good one. Friendship, like marriage, is hard work!! The depth, season, and quality changes, but work to maintain friendships/relationships is required. I think because we start forming friendships at the very beginning of life, many take friendships for granted for the most part. For many, your first friend is a sibling or cousin. No effort on either parties part, just a lot of time in each other's company allowing you to learn likes/dislikes, giving love reciprocally and garnering respect. This becomes the basis of how we develop outside friendships and relationships; good or bad. Being a good friend requires extra effort and the reward is amazing when realized. But sometimes you find yourself in friendships that are not healthy no matter how much you give. That is because the other party doesn't know how to really be a friend because they're emotionally stunted or selfish or manipulative or have never been in a good friendship!! I did finally figure out that friendships are like marriage or relationships, sometimes you just picked the wrong person and you have to just let it go. It will hurt but hopefully God will send you a real friend very soon. For me, friendship is summed up by the motto of Omega Psi Phi Fraternity, "Friendship is essential to the soul!"

The Woman's Movement hasn't helped as much as we think!! I'm sure there are some feminist who've read that and want to slap my face! You're entitled to that thought, but stay with me for a minute and consider this...besides the ability to work like a dog as men, what has really changed? Women are still not paid as well as men regardless of education or experience. Yeah we now have more female execs and athletes, but look at the numbers and they don't equally add up! Stay at home moms are still not fully respected as much as the working mother. I don't care what feminist rhetoric is in vogue at the moment, but I know way more working moms would trade places with a stay at home mother in a freakin' heartbeat! This is the one that works me the most, women don't need a man to be complete or take care of them!! Whatever!!! The Bible tells us, God made woman for man because "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." (Genesis 1:18)! If we weren't made to complete each other we wouldn't have different parts!! I'm sure I've now offended the homosexual community with that statement, but it's what I believe!! So, thanks to the Woman's Movement giving us freedoms, but women have paid a high price for it!

Political Correctness is BS!! The term Political Correctness is an oxymoron and absurd!! This term came on the scene right about the time Diversity Awareness came along. Both of these things were supposed to make everyone more sensitive, tolerant of differences and commonalities. Instead, we now have warm and fuzzy phrases being spewed to mask our inner thinking. I mean if you are calling me an African-American to my face but still thinking "Nigga" and treating me like one, call a spade a spade out loud!!! At least I know where you stand and have no delusions. Yes, we should all be bias free, but change has to be as much inward as outward. Otherwise, you do a disservice to yourself and others. By the way, I really hate when people say "the N word".

God is real! I have not always been a spiritual being. Growing up we went to church on holidays with my relatives until I was about 11 when my mother bought a car. It was then I discovered I was actually Catholic!! I took my first communion at 12 and confirmation at 14, after years of passive spirituality. Even meeting the requirements of these milestones, I didn't really think about or experience God. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it was because of Catholicism, just that there was no at home reinforcement. I began to consider God more as I took religion classes in Catholic school, but He was still more of a fuzzy concept and extremely confusing Trinity (still not quite sure I've got that straight). I went to college to a religious based school (Christian Methodist Episcopal) where I began to think more about God, but it was more in the context of rule breaking. I didn't want to go to hell, so I was more conscious about my actions and lack of prayer. Then I had my daughter which changed a lot of my "me" focus thinking and more about her future and my role. What did I stand for? I started reading my bible more and understanding the need for real prayer and God became REAL!! As Oprah would say, I had an Ah Ha moment!! If God is not a part of your thinking or life, I urge you to seek Him!! He is EVERYTHING you need and the true source of LOVE!!

So folks, what do you know for sure. These are Dorna's words, not mine. I gave my opinion on March 5th. I hope you read it. Up next is what my lovely mother knows for sure. In the meantime, have a wonderful wet weekend! Ciao!

Copyright March 13, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

These Things I Know for Sure

I don't read the Oprah Magazine often, but when I do, this is one of my favorite sections. Everyone has a definitive idea of what they know for sure at this particular point in their lives. I am no different. Personally, I know my list is constantly changing, especially at the end of each decade of life. My list should differ significantly from that of my 96 year old grandmother. Perhaps I will ask her and blog it out one day. She is not a phone person so I would prefer to do it in person. We will see. What you know for sure is based on your life experiences and perspective. So here goes, as of today, this is what I know for sure.........I think!

1. Exposure is priceless. You can never have too many life experiences, especially as a child. The more people, places, and different things that one is exposed too, the better. It gives you a broader perspective on everything. You also have a greater appreciation for diversity too. People who never leave the little area that they grew up in tend to be less open to change and diversity, and more narrow-minded. Homogeneous environments may feel safe but they skew and limit your views.

2. You can't choose your family but you can choose your friends. Sometimes, your friends become your family. I am blessed to have several friends that challenge and inspire me. I am old enough to realize that all friendships aren't meant to last forever but they will all leave a mark(hopefully not a scar).

3. Marriage and parenting are both acts of selflessness and a delicate balancing act.

4. You are never to old to need your mom. Parenting is a forever job.

5. Prayer changes things but the biggest change will be in you and how you process your circumstances.

6. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

7. Forgiveness is a lesson best learned at an early age. There will be many more life lessons on this....just keep living.

8. No matter how much you change and grow, people will try to limit you to the person that you were when you came into their lives.

So that's it for now. This is what I know for sure at 41 and 3/4 of my life lived. I have scars on my tongue but more importantly, on my knees. I also know that God is real to me and without Him, so many things in my life would've been worse. I certainly hope you all have a belief system in place. My belief is in the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. They, unlike some people, have never let me down, and they love me unconditionally. They also give me hope. Life is not always what we want it to be but we have purpose and God has a purpose for us in His divine plan.

The next couple of posts will be guest spots of what others, of varying ages, know for sure at this point in their own lives. I hope you like or are inspired by what you read. I hope you have a wonderful weekend. Be safe. Till next time.......Peace!!!!

Copyright March 5, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

Church Shopping

I promised you that I would post some advice given to me about choosing a church. It has been an elusive journey for the Thorpes and I know that Satan would love to see my family fail. I know there is a church out there for us and this is the year that we are going to find it. If you are in the same boat, I hope this will help you too. I think it is rather valuable information. I wish someone had given it to me about 2.5 years ago. Better late than never. Choosing the right place to worship is very important and has eternal value for you and your family.

1. Choose a church that is close geographically. You will be able to participate in activities, and children will have peers they can relate to.

2. Don't look at the "label" on the door. Unless you have a thing about a denomination, give each church their own try! It's the people, not the denomination - attend where you feel loved and comfortable.

3. Attend where you prefer the style of worship... some like what is called "high church", others, a more casual style. Some like hymns, some like contemporary music, or a blend of both.

4. You need to get to know a church before making a decision... attend at least 3-4 weeks. However, you sometimes know a church is not for you after one!

5. Ask to see the church's constitution and statement of faith. Be sure you agree with it, and that there are not things missing that you want to see in a church's statements. Some churches offer this as a welcome class that meets for a few weeks. (You will learn about membership requirements there too!)

6. Visit the children's department. ask how it is run - who the teachers are, security programs, and curriculum used. Then visit the curriculum's website to see their statement of faith - make sure it lines up with the church's!

7. Most important... is the Bible, the whole counsel of God, preached from the pulpit? Which translation of the Scriptures does the pastor like to use? Be sure it's a good translation, (KJV, NKJV, NIV, NASB, RSV, NRSV) not a paraphrase such as The Living Bible or The Message. It's ok to use paraphrases to clarify, but not for the entire passage.

I hope this helps! Pass it on! God bless you if you too are on a journey to find the church that best meets the needs of every member of your household. Finally, don't forget to seek the Lord and ask Him where He wants to place you to utilize the gifts and talents that He has given you. Till we chat again, God bless~

Copyright February 28, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

Who Runs Your Life?

Do you make plans and expect everything to go exactly as you've mapped them out? I think we all do. When those plans fall apart, how do you react? Do you assess why they failed? I have friends who are serious planners and I have others who are a bit more relaxed. Whatever the case, we all have things we want or expect to happen in our lives.

I am guilty of making plans and having things mapped out a particular way. In my life, I've noticed that some plans have come to fruition while others tend to remain an elusive dream. The things that I really pray about and take to God tend to work out best. The plans that are really all about me, never quite turn out the way I expect. That is a reminder that while we have free will and can make all kinds of choices, God is really in control. Some days, I love being reminded of that fact, other days, I want God to consult me before He uproots my life. Not being disrespectful, just real.

Of course, God never consults me(I doubt He consults you either). He determines the times and places that we can best use His divine input. He has set some divine appointments for all of us; and all of our own planning can't do anything to change His plan or purpose for us. I don't know about any of you out there I times, that I wish the God would come down and knock on my door and give me my directions. There are other times that I wish He'd drop me a little heavenly note to provide clarity as to the path I should take.

I have been a Christian for quite a long time. I still mess up. I still fail. I still forget to bring my desires/requests to God. Yet, He is always there. He will lovingly embrace me whenever I run into His comforting arms. I think I know what is good for me, but God knows what is best for me. He has provided His Word to aid us on this life journey. We need to make the time to consult Him because there are verses to meet every need. Failing to plan can be a plan for failure but if we are led by the Holy Spirit, He will reveal things to us. That revelation can strengthen our plans or change it.

So, who runs your life? Are you in control or are you controlled by God? I hope you haven't fooled yourself into believing that you are in control. God has an absolutely great sense of humor. I bet He spends a good deal of time laughing at us, His children. I know I spend a lot of time laughing at my daughter, Chante, as I hear her make plans with her friends without consulting either my husband or myself, Silly girl! We are all like Chante sometimes. We forget that we have someone who cares for us and loves us. He wants us to grow and mature. Don't forget to consult your Daddy, He can direct your paths and oftentimes, He can save you stress and heartache. He wants you to live out your purpose. After all, that is what He created you for. So next time you make plans, remember who really is in control, because it certainly is NOT you. Till next time, be a blessing!!!!!

Copyright February 27, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

Diva Dialogue II

Hey Folks! I missed y'all. Getting back to the routine is so hard but I wanted to let you know that you were in my thoughts and prayers. There is still snow all over the place but my street is finally ice free. It took forever. No props to VDOT. Hopefully all storms have passed and we are on our way to a very green Spring. I have lost(big drumroll please) 13 pounds as of last night. I have been diligent in my exercise despite all the craziness of the weather and everyone schedules being tossed and driven. I just might make my goal. I have not struggled to pull away from the table thought there are mornings that I literally drag myself outta bed. I wish my niece was here teaching her Zumba class. Props to Tiffany(you can check out her blogs too) who is handling her business despite her growing belly. Can't wait to see Baby T! There will budget cuts at hubby;s place of work. Unfortunately, we won't know if he's on the chopping block till June 1st. Pray for us. Too much change is not good and our family has endured more than our fair share. I have been going to church. I am not sure that it is my church but I did decide to be far more pro-active and relax my expectations a little bit. Someone gave me some great advice about the situation. You know what, I will post it in case any of you are in the same boat. It is good stuff. Well that is it for now. I love you all. Be a blessing, okay!

Copyright February 25, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

Same but Different

Here's another blog written by my friend, Dorna. She has taken the liberty to sum up our friendship and she did it so well. I love her like a sister and I can neither add nor subtract from what she has written. I hope each and everyone of you has at least one friend like Dorna in your corner. We've laughed together, cried together, and just simply had fun together. No pretense and very little drama along the way. Oh and because of her, I gave guacamole another chance and will eat it in small quantities. So here is my girl, Dorna, in her own words.........

Same Kind of Different As Me
Last year this time I was walking through Barnes and Noble (one of my absolute favorite places) and saw the book, Same Kind of Different As Me, in the bargain section. I knew nothing about it being a book club selection of many or that it had been a best seller. I was totally captivated by the title because it immediately made think of My Favorite, Pam Thorpe! Pam and I share a really special deep friendship that has developed in a fairly short time. One day during a visit, I had an epiphany and I said “Pam, we’re the same, but different!” Which of course made us bust out laughing because it just sounded so silly! It is, in fact, the truest statements I’ve ever made and we find ourselves still saying it and understanding the comfort in the knowledge.

I met Pam in November of 2005 while we were both in the Godforsaken place of Albany, GA!! Both of us had relocated from relative normalcy and displaced to The Place Time Left Behind; connecting via her husband with whom I worked. We came together passively and more out of a sense of need for connection but we grew over the next 6 months to actively seeking each other out. The summer of 2006 we began to spend a lot of time together as her husband was out of the country. We both had children (my daughter then 12, her daughter 8 & son 4), loved to talk, cook, read and most of all laugh!! We shared some of our best meals with our combined cooking and meager money. The more time we shared together, it became evident we really liked each other and had kindred spirits!! I had a new REAL friend and FAVORITE!!

The sameness of Pam and me has helped me at times to know that I’m not such a misfit. We both are strong, intelligent, confident African-American women. We both went to private and public schools with diverse populations; sometimes predominately white. We both have the same top pet peeves: rudeness, selfishness and mean people!! We are both outgoing, easily making friends; having strong passions and values. We love mixing it up with diverse folks and being in the thick of things. Family is extremely important to us and we believe in the village concept of child rearing, much to our children’s chagrin. We are both problem solvers but we are both capable of raising hell if the issue warrants it!!

Where Pam and I are different makes for the wonderfulness of our friendship!! Pam doesn’t like guacamole…that’s just un-American!! :) Pam has the best gift of discernment and analysis. Although I’m analytical, I’m sometimes too tunneled (or oblivious) to discern the truth about things or people. Because of Pam though, I am becoming more trusting of my own instincts. Pam’s faith is really strong, whereas I’m not as far in my walk, she continues to encourage me with her shining example (..this little light of mine…!).

Pam and I now live 700 miles apart and I miss the ability to see her face to face, though we talk regularly. Truthfully, there are days that I feel like Pam gets the short end our friendship because she is a wonderful person with a generous, giving heart and spirit. She never fails to brighten my day and lifts my spirits when we chat. I can call and ask her the craziest question or have a really deep conversation. I would fight for her and would want her, along with my sister Robin, at my side in a fight. If I had to pay her for all of the psychotherapy /advice she has given, she would be RICH! Instead, my life is richer because of her friendship!! Everyone should be so lucky to have a friend like her!! Pam is the 2nd sister I wish my mother had given me, but God was kind enough to bring her to me. The best part of our differences is that we can RESPECT each other regardless and LOVE each other unconditionally!! Unfortunately, not many friendships/relationships have this attribute. Our friendship celebrates the fact that we are same, but different!

Copyright February 18, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

The Tiger Will Roar

Do we really care that Tiger Woods is planning to talk on Friday? I don't think so! WTF? What is there to say at this point? If I was prepping him this is how it would go...."I maintain my right to privacy. Enough focus has been placed on me and my family whom I've hurt deeply. I have issues and I'm working them out. If I've disappointed you it should solidify that role models should be people who are in your sphere(ie. family and community members). I will return to the golfing world and I will continue to focus on the sport. I hope you will respect my decision to not discuss my personal life from this moment forward. The public will believe whatever they want and you, the media will continue to harass me because we have become a news driven society whether it is worth hearing about or not. I remain committed to my wife and children. Thanks for your time!" That is my take. What do you think?

Copyright February 17, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe