My Loss, Heaven's Gain

I write this post with a heavy heart.  My words will probably not adequately convey exactly what I want to, nor will they express all the emotions that I am feeling-and I am feeling some kind of way. Still in the throes of trying to understand why my favorite artist, Prince was gone, I had to put those thoughts to rest and focus on someone much more tangible and important in my world. On Friday, April 29th, I had to deal with the very real loss of an individual who touched most every aspect of my life, being given her angel wings and taking her eternal rest. That person is my Grandmother, Leola Brown, who is known as Nanno to me and her other grand and great-grandchildren.

                                       

This loss can be summed up in so many ways, but I am going to count myself lucky to have had her for just shy of 48 years. Nanno almost made it to her 102nd birthday, which would have been celebrated in the best month of the year--June. June happens to be my birth month too.  I am happy to say that when our family comes together to say our final farewells, it will not be the first time she will be given her accolades. She has always been highly respected and celebrated among her family.  We each have been given both private and very public opportunities to express to her how loved, cherished and important she was to us.

After losing her husband of 52 years and all five of her siblings, Nanno was the matriarch of our family.  Not the ruling with an iron fist type of matriarch but a woman with a quiet observant nature who hated conflict. She was purposefully wise and full of strength and fortitude. She was comfortable in her skin and equally comfortable with her choices, even if you weren't in agreement with her decision. Once her mind was made up, you could pretty much save your arguments and pleas, the decision was pretty much final.

For most of my childhood and adolescent life, I had the fortune(although as a child, I don't think I viewed it this way) to grow up living right next door to my grandparents. I could just skip through my front or back yard and be at their house in seconds. Didn't like what my mom cooked, could look down into her kitchen to see if it would be better to eat over there. Could hear her and my grandfather every time they went in or out. Could catch a ride, could beg for money, and could sneak and use the phone when punished. Her basement was made for partying and gathering. Let's just say my sister-cousin Tracy and I made sure to utilize that in our teen years as well as our early adult years. What happened in the basement stayed in the basement.Like most grandparents, they spoiled us more than our parents. 

                                       

What I'll miss most especially as an adult who moved away from Cleveland were the times I could come home and roll in through her back door and have moments to myself. Those were the priceless conversations and moments to cherish. I gleaned so much wisdom from those interactions. I could see the pride that she had in our family's history and her desire to share that. I know that she truly believed and embraced the Lord's commandment to "honor your father and mother that your days may be prolonged in the Land which your Lord your God gives you. " (Exodus 20:12 NASB). Since I was a first hand witness of how she cared for her own mom in her later years, I take the charge to honor your parents quite seriously. I feel assured that my own mom will be around for quite a while for this same reason. As Nanno did before her, with her mother, Carrie Chappell, My mom handled her business very well when it came to Nanno. Not out of a sense of obligation but out of sheer respect for her as a mom and person. 

Those conversations were special because you never knew what Nanno had on her mind or what she might say. I learned a lot about trusting God and praying. I know I had a praying grandmother (insert Helen Baylor's voice here). I didn't grow up in a family who showed a great deal of affection or who verbalized their love for you. Do not interpret this as I grew up in a loveless family.  I certainly didn't. I grew up in a family where it should be assumed and assured by the sacrifices and hard work to make things happen that you were loved and cared for. But it was in these private conversations that Nanno expressed that she was proud of the person I'd become as well as in the way I went about it. These moments are where you heard the things you needed to encourage you and let you know that she noticed they way you lived your life and that she was totally aware of your heart. Her discernment skills were truly on point. I never heard Nanno verbalize an "I love you" until I was well into adulthood. Imagine my shock the first time she said it, but oh to know the joy and pleasure of that moment. It did not validate me, it let me know that each day is new and God still changes people and calls them to be more and more like Him. 

This  post could go on forever because there are a zillion things I can remember, cherish, and share about Nanno. I am tearing up now so I'm going to end with this. I am going to really miss Nanno. She was a rock. She was a pillar of strength and a pillar of the community. She was a mom, a grandmother, a great-grandma, a sister, an aunt, a friend, a Christian, a gardener, lover of yellow and Dancing with the Stars. She liked baseball and listening to the radio. She was an excellent fried chicken/fish, peach cobbler, biscuits, and macaroni and cheese cook. She hated to argue and was loyal. She quietly made things happen. She had high standards. She was dignified. She couldn't handle pain. She didn't drive but got wherever she wanted to go. She was giving and loving. She was wise. She was my favorite person. 

                                       

Her passing leaves a huge hole in my heart. I've never really done life without her. I'll miss her watchful eye and wise thoughts. I'll miss sitting down at her kitchen table to discuss what she's seen and observed in her life. A lot happens in a century. She experienced or witnessed the Great Depression, several wars, copious presidents, world tragedies, Jim Crow, South to North  migration, lots of births, deaths, marriages and divorces, space travel, so many inventions, technology, the election of Our first African-American president, assassinations of historical greats and the list goes on and on. 

As she entered the heavenly gates, not only was she welcomed into the arms of a Loving Jesus who could say nothing less than "well done my good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share Your Master's happiness." (Matthew 25:23 NIV), I stand assured she was greeted by countless loved ones who'd gone before. And the Angels rejoiced.

We too rejoice at the mark and legacy she left our family. We also mourn because a part of our hearts has received her eternal rest and reward and will no longer be here on earth with us. To be absent from the body is to be in the presence of the Lord. Nanno, I love you and you will always hold a very special place in my heart. Leola Brown you are no longer an earthly angel, you are now a heavenly angel and I hope to feel your presence daily as you watch over and guide us from above.

Tearfully submitted 

In Diva love,

Pam 😘

Didn't We Almost Have It All??

Whitney Houston did almost have it all. Money, fame, fortune, and the voice millions coveted. It simply wasn't enough to keep her from seeking the next best thing. I think it is safe to say that we all rooted for Whitney to regain her throne. A comeback story always gives us a sense  of hope and pride. We all wanted to hear that bone chilling voice that touched our souls and could bring tears to the eyes of grown men. Unfortunately, that moment will never come. On Saturday, it was reported that Houston had died in the Beverley Hilton Hotel at the age of 48.

There true legends and there are true divas. Whitney Houston was definitely both. It is with a heavy heart that I write this blog. Few other artist define the music scene of the 80s and 90s in the way that Houston did. Whitney Houston was a gifted songstress who could touch you deep down in your soul when she was at her height. I felt immediately sad. I thought that perhaps she is finally at peace. I knew there would be no one else like her. Her voice was one of kind. Her megawatt smile could light up a room. Her feisty personality and life choices had intrigued fans and haters alike. I realized a child would be left motherless. Again, my heart ached for yet another void in the music industry. My son said, "Wow! This reminds me of when Michael Jackson died. A lot of coverage." He is ten. I had to let him know that while Whitney barely registered as a blip on his radar, she was a force to be reckoned with during my adolescent years.

Because, I grew up with Whitney Houston, I have had the opportunity to witness her highs and her lows. When Houston was up, she was up, when she was down, well, you never knew what might happen. While I really want to focus on the positive, I would be remiss not to go on and say what I truly think. We are all aware that there is a pre-drug Whitney voice and a post drug Whitney voice. Pre-drug Whitney was the business. No one could hold a candle to her range and ability to musically mesmerize a crowd.  Post-drug Whitney was able to sing but it was painful to realize that her gift was no longer as powerful as it once was.

I will never forget her heartfelt rendition of the National Anthem (http://youtu.be/Z1QmeEdFOSc). Hands down it is best performance that I have ever heard. It touched my soul. There are  various songs that I could mention but I will say that "Saving all My Love" is my favorite secular song and my favorite religious would have to be "Who Would Imagine A King." The soundtracks to The Preacher's Wife and The Bodyguard are both sensational showcases of her vocal talent. It goes without saying that I will post my Whitney Play list in a day or two.

As I watch the various news reports, I am irritated that the media has chosen to blame Bobby Brown for her downfall. We all have life choices to make and Whitney made hers. Like most humans, she too is prone to make mistakes and bad decisions. I am chuckling because I can remember the day clearly when I told my BFF Sonja that Whitney was a hood rat that Clive Davis had groomed to perfection and America and the rest of the world bought the lie. I know you can take the girl (or boy) out of the hood but you can't take the hood out of the person. A savvy person could figure it out after a while. I think the best example of this was when she did an interview with late night talk show host Arsenio Hall. Houston spoke to him from her home and I think it was one of the rare opportunities you got to see who she really was. She was smoking Newport cigarettes and had her home-girl persona in full effect. It confirmed what I already knew. I mean no disrespect, I just knew in my gut that she had been packaged well. I want Clive Davis to package me if I ever make it.

Bobby Brown was just a part of who she really was. Their relationship was on display and it didn't play out well in public. Two addictive personalities are volatile and can't help the other out of a rut. He was a choice that she made too.  In short, let's just say that Whitney was a strong woman who made her own decisions. She didn't march to the beat of anyone's drum but her own.

People can't love you out of your issues. Whitney was no exception. She had demons to slay and her family and friends desire to see her well didn't change the situation. There is no doubt in my mind that Whitney believed in God. and yes, she knew Jesus loved her. Even still, she had addiction issues and eventually they become more important to her than the gift God gave her. No amount of money or fame can protect you from the blows that life may send your way.

Whitney Houston's memory will live on in our hearts and souls. There will be no more CDs or performances. There is only one movie left to see. Sparkle comes out in August. Like many folks, it is a re-make that I am really looking forward too. I hope Houston shines on the big screen. After all, she was larger than life. God, and God alone knew Whitney's destiny. Her legacy is far reaching and will live on for decades to come. Now, she performs for an Audience of One. Her voice has taken flight and joined the angels and eternity praising Jesus, truly, The Greatest Love of All. No more paparazzi, sorrow, or pain. Whitney is healed and her voice is better than ever. RIP, Nippy! You are with the One Who Loves you Best.

Saddened Diva,
Pam

Diva Dialogue-November, 2011

The news is buzzing! I don't even know where to begin. Let's start with Penn State and their issues. As a graduate of the University of Pittsburgh, Penn State was one of our biggest rivals so imagine my interest in this unfortunate situation. A grand jury indictment has been raised against former defensive coordinator, Jerry Sandusky for allegations which include sexual abuse of eight children over a fifteen year period. I am saddened when any sexual abuse is raised and this situation is no different. I think the fact that so much is focused on Joe Paterno running a clean upstanding athletic program where he stressed moral values and scholastic achievements is overshadowing the real issue which is adults violating children's trust. Paterno has had a long illustrious career. It is safe to say this will be his last year as coach of the Nittany Lions as he announced that he will retire at the close of this season. He did go to the administration with the accusations, the administration chose to cover up the abuse and Paterno is being called on the carpet for not pushing for more action on their part. Given Paterno's level of influence in the Penn State community, I do think he fulfilled his moral obligation but I also feel that given his respected position, he should have advocated for the children involved instead of going forward without questioning the actions of the University. What would you have done is his shoes? Is fulfilling your moral obligation enough?

On a sad note, former Heavyweight champion boxer, Smokin Joe Frazier lost a battle to liver cancer. He was 67 years old. He handed Muhammad Ali his first defeat. Frazier had a devastating left hook and was well respected for his determination and strength. By all accounts, he had a great personality and will be sorely missed by the Philadelphia community where he worked closely with children. As a child, I clearly remember all the hype surrounding the "Thrilla in Manila." It was an awesome fight and your adrenaline got pumping just by watching. I won't even discuss the pre-hype and trash talking that occurred. I am no longer excited by boxing, it simply isn't the same.

On another sad note, rapper Heavy D, age 44, died yesterday. Heavy D was one of my favorite hip hop artists. He had longevity in a field where people don't last very long. Last month, he performed on an award show and the performance was phenomenal. His career began in 1987 with the single, Overweight Lovers in the House. Dwight Myers(Heavy D's Government name) was also an actor. His most recent role was in Tower Heist with Eddie Murphy which was released last week. I am a saddened fan because I loved Heavy D, his rap was clean, catchy, and boy could he dance despite his heavier weight. He came across as sincere and fun loving. Based on the celebrity response, he was all of those things as well as a caring artist and father. Hopefully, heaven has gained an angel.

Last but certainly not least, Conrad Murray was found guilty of involuntary manslaughter in the death of Michael Joseph Jackson. Let's hope that MJ's family can finally find some peace in what is really a tragic situation. Let's face it, we all know MJ needed professional help. I think eventually, MJ would have self destructed. It is a travesty that Conrad Murray didn't take his Hippocratic Oath seriously enough to walk away from the fame of treating a superstar celebrity or to attempt to help him resolve his demons. Murray may not serve more than the 20 days it will take before his sentencing due to overcrowded California prisons. He will never practice medicine in the US again. He is vilified because MJ has remained larger than life even after death and his fans are a loyal and dedicated group. My hubby thinks Murray should leave the States where he'd be in a better position to start over somewhat more anonymously. I feel sorry for him. He was wrong and I think he will pay dearly for his mistake for the rest of his life. The choice to be a doctor is a serious one. The verbiage in the Hippocratic Oath is clear. To be a medical profession in violation of it is dangerous and deadly. I see this as a wake up call for patients and their doctors. We all have a role and with it comes boundaries. It is important to operate within those guidelines to keep us all safe.

I have said a lot and now it is time to close. Life is short. There are a ton of lessons to be learned as we live it. In the case of Penn State, you have to think about the situations from a personal point of view. Would you have reacted the same if it was your son, daughter, or grandchild? I think the same applies to Conrad Murray. Someone has to be bold enough to take a stand. In the case of Joe Frazier and Heavy D, both the hip hop and sports arena have taken serious losses. Both men had warm personalities and were well respected by their peers.  Till next time, love life and live it to the fullest.


In Diva Love,

Pam

Ordered Affairs

Lately I have been giving a lot of thought to having ones affairs in order. I in no way have really done what I feel is necessary in that regard and it is weighing heavily on my heart. It got me to wondering about my family and closest friends. Have you got your affairs in order if something were to happen to you? I feel guilty because I have children and I think it is a disservice not to have my wishes in writing. I know what I want to happen if something happens to me and my hubby but I haven't really shared that info with anyone. You know when you are young, you tend to think that you will live forever. As you mature, you realize that life is short and time is precious.

My brother, like my dad, is clear about his desire to be cremated. My husband has always said that he wants to be cremated and have his ashes thrown into the ocean. Honestly, those discussions used to freak me out. Now, I am okay with it. I understand more fully the desire to be cremated, especially as we move further and further away from our families. I think a lot about being buried in a city and my kids moving away but possibly worrying about visiting our gravesites. Not a great thought and not a stress that I wanna put on them.

My mom lives six hours away. She is even farther from my brother. I worry about her. We haven't really discussed her desires if something should happen. I know where her important papers and stuff are. All her friends are there but her children aren't. So you can see why there is some level of anxiety. These are difficult discussions to have yet they are very necessary. So I am challenging you, if you haven't already done it, to share your desires with your loved ones or put it in writing. Yes, I am going to follow my own advice. Don't forget that you should include things like whether you are an organ donor or what to do if you are in a vegetative state and things of that nature. Yea, I know it is quite a bit to think about. So I am done. Gotta get busy with my paln so no one is burdened trying to figure out my wishes. I know it is kind of depressing but do it! Ciao!!!

Copyright September 22, 2011 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome

Sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) is the unexpected, sudden death of a child under age 1 in which an autopsy does not show an explainable cause of death. Another common name for SIDS is crib death. There are no symptoms. Babies who die of SIDS do not appear to suffer or struggle. The cause of SIDS is unknown, although there are several theories. Many doctors and researchers now believe that SIDS is not a single condition that is always caused by the same medical problems, but infant death caused by several different factors. These factors may include problems with sleep arousal or an inability to sense a build-up of carbon dioxide in the blood. Almost all SIDS deaths occur without any warning or symptoms when the infant is thought to be sleeping. SIDS is most likely to occur between 2 and 4 months of age, and 90% occur by 6 months of age. It occurs more often in winter months, with the peak in January. There is also a greater rate of SIDS among Native and African Americans. SIDS affects boys more often than girls.

There are also other factors which can increase the risk of SIDS. The factors are as follows: Babies who sleep on their stomachs. Babies who are around cigarette smoke while in the womb or after being born. Babies who sleep in the same bed as their parents. Babies who have soft bedding in the crib. Multiple birth babies (being a twin, triplet, etc.). Premature babies. Babies who have a brother or sister who had SIDS. Mothers who smoke or use illegal drugs. Teen mothers. Short time period between pregnancies. Late or no prenatal care. Situations of poverty. SIDS remains a significant cause of death in infants under one year old. Thousands of babies die of SIDS in the United States each year.

Preventative measures for SIDS, includes putting infants to sleep on their backs, avoiding soft bedding material, and avoiding hot room temperatures. Babies should sleep in cribs with firm tight fitting mattresses free of pillows and comforters. The environment should be smoke free.

So why the need for a blog on SIDS? Well it is personal. On October 12, 2010, Julius Luciano Torres, our great nephew, was suddenly taken from his extremely loving parents and it was ruled that SIDS was the reason. Our hearts break for Tiffany and Dennis every day. Julius was so handsome(see pic below) and they only got to spend 4.5 months with him. So to pay honor to a beautiful but way to short life, I felt necessary to educate you. I don't know what the pain feels like for them but I know that being a parent causes you to step out of yourself and love another human being in a way that you can't even imagine till that bundle of comes into your life.

Dennis and Tiffany are young and they are deeply saddened with a pain many of us will never experience.  While we go on with our lives, they are still reeling and trying to handle their grief on a daily basis. Not a day goes by though that I don't utter a small prayer of comfort for them and ask God to give them what they need for that moment because each moment is a test of their fortitude. Sometimes that is what you need, strength for the moment which eventually will become hours, days, and weeks where God has carried you through those dark times. They already know that they can't deal with the holidays because their grief is too raw. In recognizing this, they have decided to give charitable donations in Julius' honor in lieu of gifts to their family members. If you are considering any donations before the year end or at any time, please consider Julius' Memorial Fund.

Julius Luciano Torres
May 30, 2010-October 12, 2010

Parents:
Tiffany and Dennis Torres
123 Shadow Ct. SW, Huntsville, AL 35824

Donations can be made online at: www.sids.org/online/index.html .
Or checks can be mailed to: American SIDS Institute,  528 Raven Way, Naples, Florida 34110

They will appreciate the gesture of kindness. Till next time, peace and blessings to each of you.

Copyright by Pamela Cole Thorpe on November 13, 2010

Life is Worth Living

What do you think about suicide? Everyone has some opinion whether politically correct or not. Let me clear the record before I rant...I HAVE NEVER CONSIDERED TAKING MY OWN LIFE. I have given thought to the subject because my cousin just told me about a 17 year old who took his life and it appears Alexander McQueen, fashion designer may have also taken his own life. What drives someone to this point?

Life is difficult for most folks and sometimes it weighs you down. Does it get so bad that there is no other alternative besides the finality of death? I don't think so. Again, just my opinion. My girlfriend, Jeanine thinks that suicide is the ultimate act of selfishness and the most extreme of temper tantrums. I think it is an accurate opinion. It is selfish, kind of like telling everyone F@#% you to the highest degree. It is even worse if you fail to leave an explanation. Those you've left behind will be consumed with guilt and pain. They will always be wondering what they could've done to help you or convince you that life really was worth living.

When young people take their lives, I feel a huge amount of sadness for them. Their life has barely begun. They haven't even experienced the real ups and downs of life. I am not negating any one's screwed up childhood but true life experience comes once you are on your own, making foolish decisions and learning from your mistakes. As individuals, we are the sum of our experiences, good and bad. None of escapes life without a few bumps and bruises. God has not promised that everything would be easy. He did state that He would not tempt us beyond what we can bear.

When things are not going the way you think they should, talk to someone. Change what you are doing. Sometimes you need to change the environment. Everyone has a different breaking point, this I know. I don't really know what it is like to feel a extreme sense of hopelessness. Honestly, I hope I never get to that point. I am a talker by nature. Sometimes I need a friend to listen and give me a totally different perspective. You know that we all think from our own point of view and sometimes it is skewed. I try to wake up each day and see the glass half full with new opportunity for improvement. I remind myself and my children that on our worst day, there is definitely someone suffering far more than we are. Why would you want to cause yourself pain? Your family and friends? I often wonder whether the suicidal person thinks about an unsuccessful attempt. If it isn't your appointed time to die, can you handle being in a wheelchair or whatever lasting effect an unsuccessful attempt results in. Man, that would be something, wouldn't it?

I think life is a blessing. Every 24 hours, we are given a new opportunity to change, grow, inspire, and persevere. I pray none of you has or is currently thinking of taking your life. Life is precious! You are a gift to someone and you do make a difference. Some of our impact is great while others will be small. Rest assured, God has purpose for your life. It is worth living. It might not be all that you want it to be but you have the ability to progress to what you want it to be. Baby steps are still steps. Don't be selfish, seek help, get medication, or whatever it takes to make you feel a sense of hope. Talk to God, it helps. Seriously. He is there if you feel no one else understands your pain and anguish. Choose life. Live it to the fullest, no regrets!

Copyright February 11, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

A Lion's Final Roar

We've seen a lot of loss this year. They say the great ones die too soon. On Tuesday night, Senator Edward "Ted" Kennedy lost a 15 month battle to brain cancer. He was 77 years old. He was a devout Catholic who supported abortion. He championed Civil Rights and was an advocate for eradicating poverty.  Younger brother of John F. Kennedy, he held his Senate seat in Massachusetts since 1962.

His legacy leaves mixed emotions among Americans. He had personal controversies, yet he and his staff enacted over 300 bills into law.  At the end of all our lives, it can probably be said of most of us,  that we achieved much but we had flawed character as well as trials and triumphs. Despite his immense success, Kennedy's life was full of contradictions and personal tragedies. Kennedy's "Celebratin of Life" service will be held in Boston, tomorrow, with a eulogy from our illustrious Pres. Barack Obama. He will be laid to rest in Arlington National Cemetery in close proximity to both Robert and John who preceeded him in death. Always a twinkle in his eye, the "Lion of the Senate" will roar no more, but his legacy will be remembered for years to come.

Copyright: August 28, 2009 by Pamela Cole Thorpe