Are You Open?

Are you transparent in your interactions? I try really hard to be. Writing this blog has helped me to put myself out there more. I am by no means perfect. I think that is evident in some of my thoughts and opinions. I have not arrived but I really have come a long, long way. I have mentioned that I have a very diverse group of friends. I don't put all my stuff out there for everyone because like most people, I don't wish to be judged or thought of as a bad person. All my thoughts are not good but neither are they bad. They are just what I think based on my own personal experiences.

Whether it is with you or my closest friends, I try to be real. It is what I hope each of you are to the people in your circle. No I am not saying that you have to completely let your guard down with everyone but in order to get to an authentic relationship, you have to reveal some of stuff. You have to be willing to allow yourself to vulnerable. That can only happen through honest candid communication.


I have met many folks who tell me that they don't need any friends. Not true. We all need someone. God put relationships in place for a reason. Love is the greatest commandment. Without relationships, you can't exhibit love. Nor can you stretch yourself to go beyond your comfort zone. As Christians, we are supposed to go beyond our selves, our little sphere of the earth and reach out to others, especially the unchurched.


Some of us have no problem extending ourselves to others. I am extroverted and meeting and talking to strangers comes easily to me. The exact opposite could be said about my introverted husband who has a small group of friends. Even extroverts can choose not to be transparent in their relationships. Some of you may be asking why transparency is even important. The reason is quite simple. Your being transparent helps someone else. It helps them to know that you are not perfect. It helps them to know that they don't have to be perfect either. Your experience may help to ease your friend's burdens.


Here is something I don't like. I don't like it when we are supposedly good friends and you try to make your life out like it is perfect. A good friend will encourage and convict you but still stand beside you in the end. I need people in my corner who know that I am not perfect and that God is not done perfecting me and I need to see that He is still working out some issues for you too. We can help each other grow in His love and grace and in our own confidence to handle and face whatever situations come our way. Do NOT translate this as you should not have boundaries. Everyone really can't handle all of your stuff. You can't tell everyone everything. God has given us a discerning spirits. Now every one's level of discernment certainly is not the same but don't ever be a fool for someone. What I'm saying is don't lie to your friends. Don't mislead your friends. Be real with them. Sometimes there are things we can't share and that is understandable but don't entertain those conversations or say that hat is a topic for another day.

Transparency is completely intertwined with trust. You have to trust that the persons you're being transparent with are going to have your best interest at heart. You have to trust that your friendship is strong enough to handle real deal situations. I want, and am blessed to have, friends who will let me share my ish with them and then give me an honest assessment/opinion of it. They will challenge me and sometime give me a reality check but they remain true to seeing me grow as a person and expecting the same in return. You don't have to have that with every relationship but ultimately, I think it your goal should be to grow in the relationship and show some level of vulnerability. All relationships aren't going to be deep, but there should be glimpses of growth after you spend enough time with a person.

So my friends are you growing? Are you open? Do you allow others to see that you are human and that you make mistakes? Do you lie to you friends to paint a picture of perfection or do you put your stuff out there and let things fall where they may? A quote by Carl Rogers, says, "The relationship which I have found helpful is characterized by a sort of transparency on my part, in which my real feelings are evident; by an acceptance of this other person as a separate person with value in his own right; and by a deep empathic understanding which enables me to see his private world through his eyes." That pretty much sums it up, don't you think? My challenge for those of you in the blogesphere is to be transparent for just one week and share your results. You don't have to be transparent with everyone just choose one person and be real with them. Every time someone asks you, "How are you?" Are you really fine? Answer that one question honestly, that in and of itself can lead to some real conversation. Till next time, I am outta here. Please do something kind for someone this weekend and be safe! Hugs!

Copyright June 10, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe