Nontraditional Traditions

Are you placing more emphasis on your Christmas being Merry or on it being Meaningful? Now that can be a loaded question. No need to take cover, no shots are being fired. One of my devotions placed emphasis on that question and I had already been thinking about this post. I considered it confirmation and so here I am. I love Christmas and I hate stress but somehow the two often get linked. I have to be intentional about why I love Christmas. It's because I love the miracle of the Christ child's birth and all it represents to me as a Christian woman. It is also because I love the music and smells of the season. O Holy Night can bring me to tears, its my favorite Christmas song, I have several renditions on my play list. It's also a chance to really hang out with my children and people I love. Trying to find a few perfect gifts for the ones I love simply makes the time a little sweeter. 

What makes the time special are the little things we do. They aren't necessarily unique to us and our home but they are the things that bond us and keep us centered. Those are the family traditions that we have adopted over the years. As the children have gotten older, some things have gone away and been replaced and others remain in place. You can always introduce a new tradition, there is no limit to what your family can do to make your Christmas special and unique. My hope is not only that these things will be passed on but that my children will look back on those moments and cherish them  in their hearts with fondness.

These are some of the things we do:

       1. The Christmas tree always goes up the first weekend in December. We only have one tree. The decor can change from year to year. It must come down by New Years Day.  My grandma said every year should have it's own tree. It works for me. 
       2.  We purchase one personalized ornament every year. Everyone in the house goes on the ornament-yes even the dogs. My favorite one is from the year my cousin was living in our basement with her dog and we had two dogs of our own. That particular ornament is a Christmas tree and every one's name made it on an ornament. Adorbs. 
       3.  My children build gingerbread houses/villages/ninja people. I love that. They have gone from little messy homes to neat ones with lots of thought, care, and precision. They make up some of my favorite candid pictures. Last year my daughter even had several friends come and they did theirs at our house to. They had theme and got a little competitive. That warmed my heart. 
        4. Pajamas are given on Christmas Eve night. We stay in them all day on Christmas. Let me not forget that there will be a photo shoot of  my minis in said pajamas. The beauty of that is I can really see how much they've grown and changed over the years. Now there is is a moment of nostalgia for you. 
        5. Our stockings give us life. Everyone has to contribute to the other family member's stockings. There is no real limit to what one can do. For some reason, it has become one of the best parts of our Christmas celebration. Normally, I put favorite candies and small gift cards into them. One may find purse sized items or any number of unexpected items in the stocking. I usually find mini bottles of spirits and lottery scratch-off tickets. Yes, I like going into mine as much as they do. 
        6. We do a huge breakfast on Christmas morning and a very non-traditional meal in the evening. Dinner can range from surf and turf, to Italian, to very heavy appetizers. That appetizer meal was one of my favorites. 
         7. We no longer do a birthday cake for Jesus. We used to and we'd sing "Happy Birthday" and everything. We tried doing cupcakes but there was less enthusiasm for that tradition as the kids got older. 
         8. This year, I am introducing a new tradition. Unbeknownst to him, my son will be reading the original Christmas story straight from the book of Luke. 

There are tons of other things that can be done. Remember Christmas is more about giving than receiving.  It's a lesson I tried to instill early on so that my children will always find that being charitable is in style, no matter what you have going on personally. I would love for you to share some things your family does to make the season personal. Some things seem insignificant but you really don't know the impact you are having on your children till they get older. 

I hope you find the real true meaning of Christmas reflected in all you do. Take a moment each day to reflect on God's love and be intentional about sharing that love. The world is in dire need of seeing Christ in you. Not sure if I will post again before 2016, so please have a safe and blessed Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa. If you find that you are lacking, choose to begin a tradition and make it happen annually. Don't look back and see that you had a Merry Christmas without meaning. You want to look back and see A merry Christmas filled with the meaning of the season. Jesus is the reason for the season and without Christ, There'd be no Christmas. 

Merry CHRISTmas to you and your family. May 2016 be filled with the best and brightest blessings that God can bestow upon you! 

In Diva Love,

Pam

December Randomness

Thanksgiving is last week's news. We are now on our way to what has to be the craziest season of indulgent consumerism. No matter what it is, it is still the most wonderful time of year for me. I absolutely love Christmas. I love it because it is the celebration of my dear Savior's birth. I love Christmas music. As I type this blog, I am listening to "O Holy Night." It is one of my favorite Christmas songs ever. I enjoy the mood of the season. I also take pleasure in doing for others.

While Thanksgiving was last week, I just wanna say it was one of the best ever for me. Not only did my mom come to visit, but I had the pleasure of having my brother coming to visit too. You may be thinking that it really isn't a big deal. It is a big deal to me and here's why. I sat racking my brain for days about the last time he and I sat down and even shared that holiday. I came up with Thanksgiving of 1997. That was 18 years ago y'all. Crazy right?

For two weeks, I've had the pleasure of just hanging out with him and catching up. Don't take your relationships for granted. Family matters. It's been a year of many change. For me, it was good to lay eyes on him for several reason. For my mom, it gave her the opportunity to lay eyes on both her children at the same time. It happens very rarely. I mean hardly ever. For my children, it was a chance to get to know their uncle better. My son needed that. In fact, I am hoping they will continue to bond better once he's gone. My brother is wise and he is a great dad.  Did I mention, he makes great chocolate chip cookies too? Seriously, social media, cell phones, and the like have you thinking you are connected,  and to some small degree, you are; but the personal touch, being in the presence of an individual are priceless moments compared to a screen or phone. I hate that he lives so far away. Texas is far y'all. Maybe I'll convince him to move to Virginia. Pray with me. By the way our Thanksgiving feast was all that. my sister and I put our toes in that meal. Everything was really tasty. We ended the night with family games which are always competitive and hysterically funny.

Last night, we watched The Wiz live with most of Black America. One of my closest girlfriends, discovered "Black Twitter." That was absolutely hilarious to me. I admit, I am a die hard Stephanie Mills fan. Girlfriend has some chops on her petite self and she can blow. Shanice Wilson had huge shoes to fill. For a complete newbie, I think she did a great job. The contemporary version left me satisfied and confirmed that there is room for more than one interpretation of anything. The costumes were colorful and bright and very well done. Evilene's make was absolutely flawless. I think the choreography was good too. I missed Toto but I understood that a live performance would probably be a bit much for the pooch to handle. Say what you will, there will always be some haters out there who are dedicated to the original or the Broadway stage play. It is not easy to pull off what that cast did but I think they did a great job. Shanice performed well for a first gig and no real training. She did not move me with her performance of "Home." Of course I must admit that that is my favorite song of all time and well no one does it like Stephanie Mills. It's impossible.

As has become the norm, acts of violence are happening everywhere. Some of us are appalled, others believe these acts are conspiracies designed to evoke fear, and others simply seem not to care. Wherever you fall on the spectrum, one thing is clear. Human life is no longer a valued commodity. We must be ever vigilant and even more prayerful. Life is but a vapor and while God has always made that clear, we need to embrace the thought. 

On that note, I close by encouraging you to love your people well. Be intentional in your interactions and be present for the moments. God is always in the details. As Christmas approaches remember that there are folks who don't enjoy the holidays. Find a way to brighten their day. Then remember the less fortunate. They need you in non-holiday months too. Kindness doesn't cost a thing. Finally, remember Jesus is the reason for the season. Make sure that you reflect the love of Christ in all you do. The world needs to see His sacrificial love in you. Be blessed and by all means, be a blessing. Peace. 

In Diva love, 

Pam

Christmas is not About You

I woke up thinking about Christmas. I love this time of year whether I'm motivated to shop or not. This year, I'm really not. Children of any age can care less about your motivation, so you have to put on your big girl panties and proceed to handle your business. While it is easy to see that consumerism is the message we get bombarded with during this season, the real message we need to embrace is that Christmas really is about what we do for others. It's also about how we allow God to interrupt our good plans and impart His Great plan. I posted this thought on my FB page yesterday and I hope you can live it out this Christmas and everyday: Allow the promise of Christmas to overshadow the painful realities of your life. Do not allow Christmas to be defined by your disappointment, but allow your disappointment to be forever changed because of Christmas. If you can do this and help someone along the way, we will each see the true meaning of Christmas, There is ALWAYS going to be someone worse off than you. I hope the love of Christ fills you and takes you out of your comfort zone this Christmas season. One small act of kindness each day can change some one's entire attitude for the better. Be intentional-Be a blessing!

In Diva Love, 

Pam

Are you Grateful

Normally in November, social media outlets are bombarded with daily thankful posts. This year that doesn't seem to be the case. Left me wondering if everyone is too caught up in their life drama to take that pause if only for this one month. There is always a lot going on in the world and in people's lives. No matter the circumstance or the month, we should always be filled with gratitude for the basic and simple things in life. If God woke you up, you should be grateful. If He woke you up in a warm bed, you have reason to be grateful. You had clothes, shelter, and food. Take a thankfulness break. Got a job to go to? Grateful. Oh the list goes on. 

I haven't posted a list of things that I'm grateful for. I have chosen to put quotes about gratitude on my social media pages. Those gentle reminders keep reinforcing the fact, that the way to attract more blessings is to be grateful for the things that we already have. Simple thanks gets taken for granted in today's society. It's not only these new millennium children who are spoiled ungrateful, and entitled. There are adults who walk around like life owes them something. No one owes you anything.

A simple life practice is to wake up and give God thanks for another day. Another is to actually live in the moment. Appreciate the beauty around you. I mean really take a look around and breathe deeply. Often, there are wonderful things to take in and reflect on.....A young child discovering something new in their surroundings, the way the little elderly couple in front of you are still looking like teenagers in love, someone paying it forward for you in Starbucks or Chic-Fil-A.  If you don't see these things, then you can be the one to cultivate them. Do something for someone else with no expectation of a return favor. Life changes when you are thankful for what you have and you can bless someone else. Blessings don't even have to cost you more than a smile or a sincere, "Good morning." Thanksgiving is next week. Someone doe not have what you have. Someone may have more than you. Whatever the case, be content. Be happy. Be grateful. More importantly, be a blessing! Philippians 4:11 reminds us to be content no matter what our circumstances are. Can you do it? Can you be content even though life is crazy and bills are due? Can you bless someone in spite of what you are going through. I double dare you to try it. You will end up being better than blessed!

Be Grateful & in Diva Love, 

Pam

Sometimes, Silence is Golden, Sometimes, It's Growth

This week, I read two blogs that echoed so much of how I feel about blogging right now. One of my dear friends called herself the Wishy-Washy Blogger and the other said that she couldn't say much because she couldn't be positive right now. I so could relate to both thoughts. I feel bad when I don't post regularly. I also feel bad when I can't find anything uplifting or positive to blog about. Actually, I can usually be positive but getting to that point just might be too ugly to share. 

Earlier this year, one of my good girlfriends told me that sometimes saying nothing is a good response. If you know me, you already know that that would be challenging for my gregarious self. I have learned to be still and listen for God's voice but I find it more difficult to keep my mouth closed. Writing remains my therapy and I always want to be transparent but sometimes the things you want to say will do more harm than good. That's the season that I've found myself in this past year and a half. 

So, I am no longer going to stress myself to blog more but I will commit to posting at least twice a month. For now, that might be a bit of pressure. I am a journal freak so I may not be posting here but I am committed to my personal therapy, however that may look. Writing is freeing. I'm still here and I'm still standing strong. God has done some amazing things for me this year. So crazy as it's been, I wouldn't trade most of the turmoil for the closer walk with Him. To close, I'm leaving you with several quotes related to silence. Silence really is golden-we often forget that as the world gets noisier and noisier. Be blessed and still your soul and mind. 

Silence is the universal refuge, the sequel to all dull discourses and all foolish acts, a balm to our every chagrin, as welcome after satiety as after disappointment.  ~Henry David Thoreau

Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute.  ~Josh Billings

Make time for quiet moments, as God whispers and the world is loud. ~Author Unknown

The best answer to anger is silence.  ~Author Unknown

Silence allows you to watch your mind and become aware of the thoughts that you may be acting on unconsciously. When you see the thoughts, you can make a conscious choice to act on the thought or change your mind, instead of going along with the noise. I have seen people who don't want to look at themselves keep going until something happens that makes them stop — a sickness or an accident — but it gives them that reflective, quiet space where they can face what is difficult in their mind. We each have a unique purpose to fulfill in this life and inklings can come in those quiet moments. ~Swami Radhananda

In Diva love, 

Pam

Guest Spot: Reflections of the Confederate Flag

So I haven't posted any Guest Blogs in a long time. One of my sisters from another mother poignantly expressed my thoughts on a topic that was recently in the news. Agree or disagree? Let me know what you think. Here are her words:

As the great debate rages about the Confederate Flag, a friend of mine who happens to be Caucasian (and a unapologetic Southern Girl), asked me if the Confederate Flag “offends me or causes sadness/anger?” I applaud my friend for asking me the question because this issue is so divisive; causing visceral and heated emotions on many levels for many people.  In today’s heated words, she gets points for stepping into what could potentially be an ugly conversation in her desire to see more than her view.  I am also gratified to know, I am seen as an open and rational person! J So, I mulled the question over because I had to examine if my thoughts surrounding the Rebel Flag were my own or a knee-jerk reaction. Was I offended only because I’m African-American? What did the controversial symbol truly represent for me?

The Rebel Flag offends me in much the same way the Nazi Flag & Swastika emblem does.  The Nazi regime was all about Aryan pride which was advanced on the premise of prejudice, evil and cruelty of an “inferior” race.  A theory promoting it was okay to treat a race of people as less than human and subject them to horrific atrocities.  In the same vein, the Rebel flag may for some be a representation of Southern pride…it was born of a conflict much like the Nazis.  Southerners did not want to abolish a way of life; a slave system that subjected a race of “inferior” people to inhumane, a lot of times cruel and unspeakable treatment. 

The Confederate Flag saddens me because when I see it, I realize we have not come as far as I would like in terms of race relations and classism.  I see it as another means of creating hostility and bigotry.  It says to me…there are people who still feel superior and frankly are just not nice.

With that said, I know not all Southerners who fly the Rebel Flag are bigots or mean people. But I do think it shows a certain lack of empathy or naiveté.  Yeah…you’re southern but why would you want to be represented by a symbol that reminds people of a system where human beings/ancestors where oppressed and treated like animals because they were of a different hue; bought and sold like cattle?  Why are you so proud of a culture and people who so fervently believed their right to oppress and hold people in bondage for their own comfort and wealth to the point of going to WAR about it? 

It is touted the Civil War was about State Rights…which is  true, the States’ right to keep slaves!!  That’s what the Rebel Flag symbolizes…oppression, inhumane treatment, greed, and bigotry with a blatant disregard for a race of people because of their skin color!  The Civil War, or Northern Act of Aggression depending on where you live, was fought 150 years ago. . . and still the war rages on about a symbol that should be relegated to a museum for its historical significance only!! 

In answer to my friend's question . . . Yes, the Confederate Flag offends and saddens me!

In Diva love,

Pamela 

A Part of My Heart Stayed Behind

This past weekend, I embarked on a journey that would seem to be fraught with emotion. The thing is, it wasn't. I felt a wide range of emotions, but mostly a profound sense of nostalgia. I packed up my vehicle for a 7-8 hour trip to take one of my most precious possessions, my firstborn, mini-me, to begin her college career. She aspires to be a female Anthony Bourdain--her words not mine. In actuality, her plans include  becoming a chef, restaurateur, food blogger, and world class traveler who eats and critiques her  way through  as many countries  as she can. 

All I kept thinking is that this newly minted adult would be on her own making life choices and decisions without me  intervening. Don't mis-read this....I  am not a hover mother but I am an involved opinionated parent. In my mind, my daughter would always be the wide-eyed baby that came out of the womb looking around, with a sense of wisdom and wonder. She has transformed into a lovely young lady. She's intelligent, tenacious, and also opinionated. I have prepared her to soar. I have instilled prayer, integrity and high values in her.  Now it's her time. There will be ups and downs, trials and tribulations, triumphs and failures but she knows  that in most cases, there can be do-overs and makeovers, there are plan Bs,Cs,...and Zs. More importantly, she is keenly aware that she has me and a huge support system that will get her through any life issue or crisis. She knows that though she may disappoint at times, she is loved  unconditionally and that our support is unwavering. 

Times have changed since I was a college student  bright with promise. Things are definitely more liberal. Yet I have prayed and cried and cried and prayed over this child. I think she will hold fast to her convictions and will not be easily swayed y her peers. I pray she makes wise choices and does the right thing. These four years are going to really shape the person she will ultimately become. Her choices in life are not a reflection of how well  I did or did  not parent. 

No matter what choices may come and what reservations or fears that I may have, I know without a shadow of a doubt that God has written EVERY one of her days and while I may not  be there, He is ALWAYS there.  It's time for her to completely trust Him to guide her through all of her days and give her wisdom when she faces challenges. It's time for  me to  relinquish the control I had over  His child-ever thankful that He trusted her to me for these past 17 years. It's time for me  to watch my baby really grow and soar to new heights. I am happy and excited, sad, and waiting in anticipation. While the parting was bittersweet, it was necessary. So there were no tears, just huge hugs and joy(and possibly pain) of the days to come as I left a big part of my heart in Providence, RI.

In Diva Love,

Pam