Guest Spot: Reflections of the Confederate Flag

So I haven't posted any Guest Blogs in a long time. One of my sisters from another mother poignantly expressed my thoughts on a topic that was recently in the news. Agree or disagree? Let me know what you think. Here are her words:

As the great debate rages about the Confederate Flag, a friend of mine who happens to be Caucasian (and a unapologetic Southern Girl), asked me if the Confederate Flag “offends me or causes sadness/anger?” I applaud my friend for asking me the question because this issue is so divisive; causing visceral and heated emotions on many levels for many people.  In today’s heated words, she gets points for stepping into what could potentially be an ugly conversation in her desire to see more than her view.  I am also gratified to know, I am seen as an open and rational person! J So, I mulled the question over because I had to examine if my thoughts surrounding the Rebel Flag were my own or a knee-jerk reaction. Was I offended only because I’m African-American? What did the controversial symbol truly represent for me?

The Rebel Flag offends me in much the same way the Nazi Flag & Swastika emblem does.  The Nazi regime was all about Aryan pride which was advanced on the premise of prejudice, evil and cruelty of an “inferior” race.  A theory promoting it was okay to treat a race of people as less than human and subject them to horrific atrocities.  In the same vein, the Rebel flag may for some be a representation of Southern pride…it was born of a conflict much like the Nazis.  Southerners did not want to abolish a way of life; a slave system that subjected a race of “inferior” people to inhumane, a lot of times cruel and unspeakable treatment. 

The Confederate Flag saddens me because when I see it, I realize we have not come as far as I would like in terms of race relations and classism.  I see it as another means of creating hostility and bigotry.  It says to me…there are people who still feel superior and frankly are just not nice.

With that said, I know not all Southerners who fly the Rebel Flag are bigots or mean people. But I do think it shows a certain lack of empathy or naiveté.  Yeah…you’re southern but why would you want to be represented by a symbol that reminds people of a system where human beings/ancestors where oppressed and treated like animals because they were of a different hue; bought and sold like cattle?  Why are you so proud of a culture and people who so fervently believed their right to oppress and hold people in bondage for their own comfort and wealth to the point of going to WAR about it? 

It is touted the Civil War was about State Rights…which is  true, the States’ right to keep slaves!!  That’s what the Rebel Flag symbolizes…oppression, inhumane treatment, greed, and bigotry with a blatant disregard for a race of people because of their skin color!  The Civil War, or Northern Act of Aggression depending on where you live, was fought 150 years ago. . . and still the war rages on about a symbol that should be relegated to a museum for its historical significance only!! 

In answer to my friend's question . . . Yes, the Confederate Flag offends and saddens me!

In Diva love,

Pamela 

A Part of My Heart Stayed Behind

This past weekend, I embarked on a journey that would seem to be fraught with emotion. The thing is, it wasn't. I felt a wide range of emotions, but mostly a profound sense of nostalgia. I packed up my vehicle for a 7-8 hour trip to take one of my most precious possessions, my firstborn, mini-me, to begin her college career. She aspires to be a female Anthony Bourdain--her words not mine. In actuality, her plans include  becoming a chef, restaurateur, food blogger, and world class traveler who eats and critiques her  way through  as many countries  as she can. 

All I kept thinking is that this newly minted adult would be on her own making life choices and decisions without me  intervening. Don't mis-read this....I  am not a hover mother but I am an involved opinionated parent. In my mind, my daughter would always be the wide-eyed baby that came out of the womb looking around, with a sense of wisdom and wonder. She has transformed into a lovely young lady. She's intelligent, tenacious, and also opinionated. I have prepared her to soar. I have instilled prayer, integrity and high values in her.  Now it's her time. There will be ups and downs, trials and tribulations, triumphs and failures but she knows  that in most cases, there can be do-overs and makeovers, there are plan Bs,Cs,...and Zs. More importantly, she is keenly aware that she has me and a huge support system that will get her through any life issue or crisis. She knows that though she may disappoint at times, she is loved  unconditionally and that our support is unwavering. 

Times have changed since I was a college student  bright with promise. Things are definitely more liberal. Yet I have prayed and cried and cried and prayed over this child. I think she will hold fast to her convictions and will not be easily swayed y her peers. I pray she makes wise choices and does the right thing. These four years are going to really shape the person she will ultimately become. Her choices in life are not a reflection of how well  I did or did  not parent. 

No matter what choices may come and what reservations or fears that I may have, I know without a shadow of a doubt that God has written EVERY one of her days and while I may not  be there, He is ALWAYS there.  It's time for her to completely trust Him to guide her through all of her days and give her wisdom when she faces challenges. It's time for  me to  relinquish the control I had over  His child-ever thankful that He trusted her to me for these past 17 years. It's time for me  to watch my baby really grow and soar to new heights. I am happy and excited, sad, and waiting in anticipation. While the parting was bittersweet, it was necessary. So there were no tears, just huge hugs and joy(and possibly pain) of the days to come as I left a big part of my heart in Providence, RI.

In Diva Love,

Pam

I Think I Need an Easy Button

I was venting to my cousin and she was being sweet and listening. Then she asked me a simple but profoundly thought-provoking question. Hey inquiry, "So if you could press the easy button, how would things look differently, after you did?" Well, that was actually a loaded question for me.

I feel like I've been in a sort of storm for a tad too long. I don't think I've been whining and complaining constantly. In fact, every day, I acknowledge that I am beyond blessed. When I say that God has faithfully shown up every time I needed Him too, I am being extremely honest. I also am keenly aware that this process is necessary for me to become who He wants me to be, or to be prepared for what He has for me to do.  Still, I long for my burdens to be lighter or more specifically, non-existent. 

An easy button would negate the process God has designed for me. Honestly, I don't want to miss the process because I know the test will eventually pop up again. Without going through the process, no matter how painful, I will not be prepared for the blessings that are surely in store for me. See, I know blessing will come, it's just the getting to and through. 

I am writing my "other side of the easy button" list in my journal. I'm dating it. I promise I'll share it with you soon. Keep in mind, the Bible says that we need to "write the vision and make it plain." When there's no vision, things perish. Be strong and know that there is always victory waiting on the other side of the trial/chaos/overwhelming situation.  Take care.

In Diva Love, 

Pam

Random Rants/Musings

As most of you know, this blog is my therapy.  Looking at how little I've blogged over  the past year lets me know that I am possibly  neglecting myself in some ways. I haven't written a lot because I can't express most of the thoughts floating in my head. This last year and  a half has been seriously crazy by my own standards. I have a ton of things I want to blog/rant/discuss here but I  haven't. There are always those people who want to make everything about them and I refuse give them the satisfaction or ammunition for future repercussions.

My short summer is ending in one week. UGH! Back to work I will go. Thank goodness I love my boss and my job. I have had a relaxing few weeks with  several road trips and fun mixed in. Love the schedule of  an educational professional.

This weekend my travels will take me to Providence Rhode Island for my daughter's Freshman College Orientation. I think she is excited about her pending future. I remain excited  for her. I also harbor some reservation as I  really don't think she is as mature as I was at this point in my life. Apparently, it is the way of the times as I voice my concerns to  my peers in this same season of life. Our children seem to be a little less independent and a great deal more withdrawn from the process of financial aid and things of that nature. I suspect the five months will be challenging but rewarding as she discovers herself and others in a whole new setting. But I guess that really is what college is for. I'm sure there will be a blog about that in the future. 

One topic that keeps trending is #BlackLivesMatter.  It is very disheartening on so many levels. Black Lives do matter. America was  built at the expense  of that very life. Nothing pisses me  off more than when someone wants to remind me that all lives matter. Yes, all lives do matter but that really is NOT the point. There are daily reminders that the life of an African American is somehow diminished in the  eyes of this society.  This issue can't and won't resolve itself. America has to be intentional about addressing race relations and for some reason that seems impossible. Black on black crime has to end without a doubt.More  at issue is the amount of social injustices that seems to result in people of color losing their lives at the hands of Caucasian individuals who act without conscience or under the guise of power which they are abusing either out of fear or hate. 

I am a person who believes in excellent communication. I thrive on it. If you can't advocate for yourself, why should anyone else. communication is important in relationships, in interviews, for customer service, for flirting, and for expressing whatever idea you wish to  get across. In the past few months, I have been privy to several scenarios where communication would've yielded far better results. When you know better you do better.

As I look at my inner circle, so many people near and dear to me are struggling.I so wish i could shake a money tree and solve  their problems. Where is that winning lottery ticket?  Oh...that's right....you actually have to play to win.Seriously though, times are hard out here in these streets. If you have the means, pay it forward and bless some unknowing soul. 

Can I just say that I love memes! They brighten my day. To the person who came up with that idea, Kudos. Yeah, I know....Random.

Just wanted you to know that I'm still here. I still need to exercise my voice. I keep several journals so I am not out here wandering and going crazy.Just channeling my energy in another source. For now. 

To end on a positive note. God still sits on the throne. As we move further and further away from Him and His principals of faith and love, Things may get worse. Remember, He is still in control.  He can change your mess into a message and your test into a testimony. As I've struggled through this past year and a half, God has remained constant and He has continued to show up in the midst of some crappy circumstances. That alone has kept me  and blessed me.

In Diva Love,

Pam

Double Duty Cuties

Yesterday was Father's Day. A day we celebrate the men who contribute to a child coming into the world.  As I perused Facebook, it made my heart glad to see the number of fathers actively involved in the lives of their children.  That's a beautiful thing. It's also the right thing.  Fathers should be actively involved  in their childrens' lives-physically, emotionally, and financially.As I continued to peruse social media, I also saw various postings about mothers who wanted to be celebrated in the absence of the father, and postings about  how those women are not fathers.  Don't we just love social media.

As a child, I was raised by a single mother who did a damn good job, I can clearly state, she was not my father, nor was she a father figure. My father wasn't absent but he was barely active. So while I knew that I was very loved  by him, he failed to show me the things daughters need their fathers to show them. I am thankful that  I had a grandfather who filled a lot of that void.God always gives you what you need.

The bottom line is this. Single parenting is not a new thing. Most mothers will do what they need to do for their children, especially in the absence of  a father. A good mother will not bad mouth the father to their kids. They don't have to, because eventually they will see what kind of man he is and whether or not he has any character. Children don't need presents, they need his presence. I don't agree with or condone women who don't  allow men to interact with their children because he isn't paying child support. What I do loathe is a father who has access and opportunity to his children and fails to take full advantage that opportunity. Those trifling men do exist. Sadly, they lose out on a chance to impact their children's lives in  great ways and small. 

Women are nurturers by nature and for, that reason, they will  always try to fill a void. Women often have to do double duty for their children in the absence of the father and I know it is not easy. Some men put the women in that position, others make the choice unwisely. God is the Ultimate Father and refers to himself in the male gender. Women are not males thus no Father's Day celebration for you. You deserve praise for holding it down and handling your business (and his). Mother's Day is for you. Your kids will eventually recognize the sacrifices  you made and  the  hard work it took to  do everything to make their  lives as  normal and  successful as  possible. Be content with the fact that you are a double duty cutie. Just as God provides, He sees all and knows all. He specifically knows what you can handle and with prayer and probably a little help from friends,  you and your children will be all right. 

I end  with this quote from Jan Ambu: Being a father is a choice, Staying true to fatherhood is a   
duty. 

In Diva Love,

Pam

Just the Emotions

In six days, my oldest child will graduate from high school. While she has had Senioritus, pretty much all year, her excitement level has reached a whole new level. For me, it's bittersweet. Since my blog is my therapy, I just need to express the range of emotions that I am feeling today. 

I am proud of the woman she's becoming. I am anticipating the impact that she will have on her piece of the world. I am reluctant to turn my firstborn loose. I have prepared her well but life still has away of issuing out tough experiences. I am happy to see that she is independent, strong, full of passion with just the right amount of cynicism. I am saddened  by how quickly time flies. I am losing a person that I have shaped and molded for the past 17 years, a TV/Netflix watching buddy, an eating/sleeping machine, and an incredible ball of moody/hormonal energy.  This Fall,my house will significantly quieter but as she is learning who she is, I will be learning to define myself  in her absence. Stay tuned for  the progression. It's time to watch the Cavs whip the Warriors. Peace!


In Diva Love,

Pam

Keep Calm, It's My 47th Birthday

I  woke up this morning feeling extremely blessed. I was thankful for  another year of life and a chance to be better and  do better in the year ahead. When I  reflect on the past year and a half, I can clearly see that despite the pitfalls and snares the enemy threw at me, God's Hand always prevailed and He brought me every step of the way. I realized that I feel lighter and have a ton of peace and joy. While I definitely have reason to be angry and even bitter, there is absolutely no reason to allow the  negativity a place in my blessed life. 

I know that I am still in the midst of a valley experience but as the  minister said in a sermon a couple weeks ago, the experience is to prepare me for the blessings that God has in store for me. I need to be ready so that I don't destroy the blessings. The  season is long and it often is painful but my faith has to be strong and it has to be enough to sustain me.  Don't be confused, I have wavered and questioned God on many occasions but I must confess. every single time, I have a brief faith crisis, He has shown up and shown out. Sometimes, I didn't even know I needed His Sovereign protection or guidance.

As I look to the  future, I look with hope and faith. My dreams and goals are huge. My capacity to love is great. My heart is grateful for every trial and tribulation, every smile, every tear, and accomplishment and even every setback.  Life experience is priceless. You are sum of every experience.  I know I am loved and I know my worth. I am flawed but I remain unapologetically me. To the year ahead, I say, "Bring it! God and I got this!"  Raising  my wine glass, I say, "Happy Birthday to me-a fabulous woman, living life to the fullest, no regrets! " Just as my earthly daddy would tell me to do, if he were still here. Cheers to a fantastic 48!

In Diva Love,

Pam