Revisting Why I Write

It has been a little over a year since I started this blog. So I think it is a fitting time to reiterate my reasons for doing so and also to reflect on what I have written. As I reviewed my original "Why Write" post, things haven't changed much in my opinion about why I do what I do. I still write for me and I still want to be transparent. I want to grow and I want to inspire you to grow. I want to challenge and be challenged. I want to exercise my God given gifts and talents. I also write to inspire my children to do and undertake whatever their hearts desire. Chante started a blog because she was inspired by me and her Big Sister/Cousin Toot. You never know how you will impact your child. In light of the post written yesterday, be careful to be a positive influence. Your children and someone else's are watching your every move and action!

I am a major procrastinator. It irks the hell out out my handsome husband. It works for me, not against me, in almost every situation. So of course this should have been written on August 26, 2010. That was the anniversary of my first post. Somehow, that day came and went and it never crossed my mind to review the year's worth of blogs. My blogs have run the gamut, topic wise. I have written about issues that are near and dear to me. I have highlighted current events and issues. I have reflected on legendary people. I have commented on history, parenting, and friendship. I have told you my favorite products and given you my pet peeves too. In short, I have a lot to say and I am not through yet. I have grown in my sharing and been honest. Transparency is still difficult, not because I don't want to be honest but because I don't really want to be judged. Who does?

Let this serve as  reminder to each of you. I am still and always will be a WORK IN PROGRESS.  I am not perfect but I still put my self and my opinions out there. My blogs are not about any of you(SN: neither are my FB statuses) per se. If we have a conversation and the subject matter weighs heavily on my heart, chances are it may become fodder for a blog post. I am never going to put anyone out there. I am going to state my opinion and it may not be politically correct.  You can always chose to read any other of the million other blogs out there. Sometimes, though, we need to come out of our little comfort zones and face the truth or be challenged in a different way. Growth is difficult but alas it is necessary. You can always provide me with an alternative view. I am willing to share my blog with a guest post. I am not writing to stroke egos but I would like my posts to be pleasing to God.Now sometimes, even that simply doesn't happen. I am a sinner saved by God's grace and mercy and sometimes flesh takes over. Note that that was a disclaimer. ;)

Finally, I really want to thank my loyal readers, especially those who offer comments both public and personal. The dialogue has been great! I am always left with something to think/pray about but more importantly, I am encouraged by each of your honesty and encouragement. If you told a friend to subscribe or check me out, I am eternally grateful. Strangers will tell you things your friends won't. For those of you who have spoken positively into my life and encourage me to keep writing, I am very appreciative. I am trying to work on God's timeline for a change so my book is still not ready to be birthed. Apparently, God still needs to prepare me in some way. Ruh-oh, it might be scary. I think I can handle it, but you never know.

So welcome to a new year with Miss Read! I will continue to be blunt, honest, and transparent. I will continue to address whatever I deem necessary. I hope you find it a thrill to keep up with me as I work through my issues and maybe yours too! That is why I write-to free my mind and yours and host of other reasons already listed in this and the previous post. Till next time, be a vessel God can use! Ciao!

Copyright September 10, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

Is That Really What You Wanna Teach Your Baby???

Have you ever thought about what type of message that you silently send to your offspring? I mean really thought about it? Some lessons are in your face but others are learned subtly. I have been having this precise discussion for several weeks with various people. I am concerned as well as convicted. Our children learn from everything they see. So parents, and friends, be careful what you model.


Single mothers, don't put your man before your friends. Seriously, sex might be all that and a bag of chips but do you really want your child to feel devalued? Do you want them to accept that you aren't there for them because you are with Mr. Right Now? I don't think so! Countless girls go running into the arms of some young boy who is wrought with testosterone only to end up pregnant. We won't even discuss the girls who end up in the arms of a pimp. Yes, it happens all because a young lady needs to be loved and accepted or needs someone to be there for them. Another scenario, single mom is a booty call for her baby's daddy. He pays no support but creeps in and out of the house whenever he feels like it. It is a well known fact that he has a girlfriend. Eventually your kid sees that you are a doormat for him. Does that lead to respect for mom or women? What if single mom and the girlfriend both end up pregnant at the same time? See where I'm going?


Spouses make concessions all the time for each other and that is a good thing. Problems arise for me when one spouse goes overboard to make concessions for their spouse. SN: not judging, just looking at the message sent to your kids. If the wife always does things to make life convenient for her husband but he never reciprocates, what message is sent to her young children?  Example, mommy is at work when the kids get home from school, hubby is home but homework waits for mom who also has to cook dinner. Do we want our children not to think that men don't have to assist mom?


If you are a habitual liar, chances are your kids will be too. Children model the behaviors they are taught. If you are married and cheating on your spouse, do you really think that your teen aged children really believe that you going out with a friend multiple times in a week means that you aren't cheating on their other parent? Wake up, people. If you are racist, your children probably won't embrace diversity either. So many things to point out but these are the ones that come to mind.


Christians, you are also guilty. You teach your children to love God and obey His Word. So how are you when traffic is bad and someone cuts you off? Does road rage rear its ugly head or do you move forward peacefully? Do you return the extra change given to you by the cashier? As Christians, we fail to send the right messages too. Of course, we are all guilty because we are all sinners. Christians are always going to be held to a higher level of accountability.


What I am really trying to say is that so often we do things and we fail to even consider the subtle message that we send our offspring. We operate from our emotions and never realize the impact of our actions. Most of us have good sense. We know the difference between right and wrong. Just remember, that children are sponges, they soak up everything. I mean everything! The good, bad, and not so cute! They are our future and we want them to be the best that they can be. We can only provide them the tools and basis to become adults with integrity who will eventually model successful behavior to the next generation. Actions really do speak louder than words. I tell my children all the time, "I can show you better than I can tell you!" That really holds true in many instances. So let this blog cause you to examine your actions, then be encourage to change them. Baby steps will eventually lead to huge strides. I will praying for you as we make our transition to reflect good behavior, attitudes, and actions. Our children are our future and the sacrifices we make for at least eighteen years are really short when you look at a lifetime. So, what is your legacy? What do you wanna teach your children?

Copyright Sept 9, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

Organic Choices

This is really random....How many of you try to eat organic food products? What is your reasoning behind doing so? Do you really believe that organic products are best? In case you were wondering some foods contain more pesticides than others. Here is a list to help you out. If you are going to purchase any foods, the following list are the items that you should purchase: celery, peaches, strawberries, apples, domestic blueberries, nectarines, sweet bell peppers, spinach, cherries, kale/collard greens, potatoes, and imported grapes. Have you noticed anything about the items? The rule is this, if you are going to purchase organic, it should be the products where you eat the skin. You want to limit the intake of the pesticides you take into your body. It is a temple, you know! Just wanted to help you out and maybe save you some money! Enjoy!

Copyright September 6, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

Whose Child Are You?

We all belong to someone. The blood of our ancestors flows through each of us. Sometimes the legacy is filled with pivotal historic moments and sometimes there is a legacy of pain an hurt. Do you ever look at your children and wonder if the hospital made a mistake and gave you the wrong child to take home, nurture, and bless? When my children act like Satan has possessed them as they often do, I really begin to wonder if I am parenting the right child. Now if you know me and have seen my children, you know that there is ABSOLUTELY no denying that they are mine. They really are miniature versions of my husband and myself.

Chante is on the threshold of becoming a teenager. She is gregarious, funny, clumsy, and moody. I assume she is a typical girl. She is passionate about what she believes in and stubborn as her dad, a mule. When she gets something in her head, you can't really change her mind. Sometimes, I love her determination and others, I want to knock her out because she will not bend. I prayed for both children while in the womb and have done so all their lives. Chante accepted Christ when she was a young 4 years old.It thrilled and scared me at the same time. She loves Christ and is confident that she belongs to Him. Like all sinners saved by grace, she has moments where her actions do not reflect her earthly or heavenly parentage. SN: DJ has his moments of satanic behavior as well, unlike Chante however, he doesn't have a defiant posture or stubborn will. This is the reason Chante is often used in my writings. Just needed to clarify that. LOL! When she is acting ugly, I have to say to her, "do you really think this offensive behavior would be pleasing to God?" Oh my! You should see the indignant look she gives me. Like how could I really bring Jesus into this equation? It is hysterically funny to me but to see the light go on in her head is always priceless.

How often are we all like Chante? Every single day. As a child of God, I hate to admit that my actions, words, and thoughts often don't line up with My Father's will for me or my life. I bet God the Father often wonders whose children are we. I mean we have have professed to be His but we treat others poorly and don't often have regard for the feelings of others. We don't always speak the truth in love nor do we forgive transgressions.

Yesterday, I received a profound revelation and a gentle reminder that we are to do everything as pleasing to Christ(ref. I Corinthians 10:31 and II Corinthians 5:9). We are all products of our environment and parentage but those of us who have accepted Christ have new parentage. Of course, that comes with a responsibility. We are to reflect the love of Christ in ALL we do. We are held to a standard of accountability. We need to forgive quickly and encourage others but most importantly we need to share the love of Christ so that others might receive new parenting and be released from the sins and hurts of the past. So whose child are you?

Yes, I am the child of Ernestine and Gerald but more importantly, I am a child of God. Everything I do, say, and think is to be done in the spirit of my heavenly parenting, not my earthly ones. It is a difficult undertaking and like Chante, I am often guilty of acting like God is not my Father. Thank goodness for second chances. God gives us the ability to be forgiven over and over again. I am so glad about that because I fail often. I know you do too. If you aren't a child of God, you should really think about your eternal future. The church is not a social club, it is a hospital for sinners. The gift of eternity is freely given to all who want it. Hell is hot and as we can all attest, the dog days of summer are rather unbearable.  Imagine life  spent in even worse heat. I'm just saying. Whomever you belong to, you reflect their values. Ultimately the choice is yours. I hope you have a wonderful day. I didn't start the blog to be preachy but I guess this is the message God wanted me to write. So I have to be obedient. After all, I am His child and have been since October, 1985. Ciao!

Copyright September 1, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

Glue

Glue has a couple of definitions. The definition that I am going to utilize for the purpose of this blog is "something that binds things together." Been thinking a lot about that lately. Here is why. Years ago, I had a friend tell me that I was the glue that bound a particular group of friends together. The group consisted mainly of  college buddies who each have distinctive personalities. Well honestly, I resented the observation and thought it was far from the truth. Then my life underwent a series of unplanned events and my family moved away. Long story short, she was right.

I have reflected often on that observation. I wondered what it meant for them and how it boded for me. I have continued to undergo quite a bit of change and as time would have it, our family is much closer to those same people once again and I guess everyone thought I should fall back into my role of making things happen. Well, hello! I ain't the same person and I didn't exactly pick right up where I left off. First off, I am kinda disappointed with the group. They made half hearted effort to maintain a level of closeness. No more cookouts, get togethers or things of that nature. I was in Albany, GA and could see the changes quite clearly.
Second, my season has changed. Yes, I am a "relationship person" but even we need to be poured into sometimes. You don't know how draining being the glue is till you get to step out of that role for a while. It doesn't mean you don't desire that closeness, but you simply don't have the fortitude to  maintain it or put it in place.

So why a blog about it? Well, partly because of a conversation where one of the individuals questioned my lack off enthusiasm for the aforementioned group of people. She thought I was distant and negative. What I really was was matter of fact. Number one, friendships(and really all relationships) require action from all involved parties. If it is valuable to you, you pursue it. God pursues us. Men are supposed to pursue women. It is just the nature of things. If those "friendships" were meant to survive, they should've done so in my absence. Phone calls work both ways. In this day of overwhelming technology, you can take the trifling way out and use Facebook or Twitter, you can send a text via cell phone or an e-mail. There is no reasonable excuse about why you can't connect with someone on a real or superficial level. Two, just because hospitality is your gift, doesn't mean you always want to entertain and host. Every once and  awhile, you want to be an invited guest. No worry of cleaning your house and having the essential(and non essential but often forgotten) items on hand. Finally, there just might be more pressing issues in your life and you just can't be all things to all people. perhaps, you have changed or your circumstances have changed. Or maybe you are just too exhausted to pull things together for other people. It is a daunting task and yep it is exhausting.

So who are you in your relationships? Are you the glue that binds things or are you one who needs to be drawn in? In any relationship, roles should change constantly. You need balance because relationships need give and take as we go through the ebb and flow of life. I am a people person and I used to be the glue. I think God definetely moved me out of that position for various reasons. I am still a people person but I realize that I sometimes need to be drawn in and held accountable too. I love to entertain but this year we have consciously done very little of it. I miss the fellowship it offered but I see that no one else is filling that void either. Now I am not saying that conversations about getting together aren't being had, they are. I have been involved in some of them. No one has stepped up to the plate. I see a pattern-the conversations happen but not action is taken. So it sounds good, but no can do. I often feel bad but not motivated to set up something concrete. So tell me what you think. Am I wrong for that? I don't know. I can tell you that I feel quite liberated not to be the one trying to hold things together. It is just where I am right now in my life...and I feel good about it. Till next time, pray hard and be a blessing! Peace!

Copyright August 30, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

Diva Dialogue IX

I told you that I had a lot of things on my mind so here I go with my random thoughts for the past few weeks. There is no rhyme or reason just my thoughts on a wide range of subjects. Feel free to share your thoughts. I love to see/hear what other people think about a situation. My perception is my reality just as your perception is your reality.

First up is Home wreckers. Wow there are so many folks I could focus on. Let's start with Tiger. He and Elin have finalized their divorce. She should be a happy but well paid woman and he should be well on his way to getting his golf game back on track. Who will suffer? The babies! Of course there will be plenty of money for therapy. You can catch her one and only interview in the current issue of People magazine. Now I am leaving that topic completely alone. Alicia Keys. I love her music and philanthropic spirit but let's face it, she destroyed a home. She was well acquainted with SwizzBeatz and his family. After all they worked together for years. She's a powerful woman who could probably have any man that she wanted. She chose to deal with a man who was married with a family. Dead Wrong! According to the Tom Joyner Morning Show, women got up and left during her performance at the Essence Music Festival. Their position was that allowing her to perform went against the spirit of the festival which is to empower and uplift women. Do you agree or disagree? Fantasia. Where do I begin? I like Fantasia. She is in need of love but she is looking in all the wrong places. Fantasia needs several things. The first is a good therapist to help her love herself. She needs to swear off relationships for a while until she heals internally. Second, she needs a neutral person who is full of wisdom who can help her get on the right track in terms of money and family. Keisha Cole did it and Fantasia needs to do it. She needs to separate her family from her professional life and stop letting them leech off of her. Third, she needs to stand strong in her religious foundation. God did not allow her success with her suicide attempt because He has bigger and better plans for her life. Also, she has a daughter to live for and really this would not be the legacy you want to leave your child. I am rooting for Fantasia. I like her. She has talent, loved her in the Color Purple! We love comeback stories!


Next up is people killing their loved ones. I know it happens daily but it really drives me nuts and hurts my heart. I don't even know where to begin on this topic. I don't want anybody to love me so much that they have to kill me. Where is the love in that? In Cleveland, two professional women were killed by their husbands recently. Very sad. In one case, the husband was known to be abusive and the woman, a social worker, thought she could change the bad boy. Ladies, you can't change your man! If he's a dog when you meet him, he will still be a dog years later. Leopards don't change their spots. Then there is the woman who drowned her children in the car in South Carolina. She felt overwhelmed and not able to take care of them. Seriously? Was death really a better option for the kids or for her? I don't know much about mental illness but I know it is real. Maybe that is the problem. Maybe, we really just don't value life anymore. Not the lives of others or our own. God must be really heartbroken over that.


Was Michelle Obama wrong to take the trip to Spain? I don't think so. First and foremost, the Obamas were wealthy before they entered the White House. Second, don't we all travel where we want and spend our money in whatever way we want? Do we consider the economic state of others when we plan our vacations? No we don't. We do what is best for our own family and whatever we can afford. I don't envy Michelle Obama or her family. The scrutiny of everything would make me tell America to.....well, no I wouldn't stoop to that level but boy would I want to.


Who is watching the Real Housewives of DC? I am sick of those shows. Is the cast really reflective of DC? I would think that that cast could have definitely been more diverse. I am not watching. Of course I am not really a fan of any of them. I tuned into RHOA and I still wonder why? What is the pull for these shows? Are we really okay with television capitalizing off of women drama. Where is the positivity? I hate that we have become so obsessed with other peoples drama. What does that say about us? Do we need to watch the train wreck lives of others to feel better about our own messy lives? Just wondering?


Essence Magazine was recently under fire. The magazine that inspires and empowers African American women hired a Caucasian Fashion Director, Ellianna Placas. According to editor-in-chief Angela Bart Murray, she chose her "because of her creativity, vision, the positive reader response to her work and her enthusiasm and respect for the audience and our brand. We remain committed to celebrating the unique beauty and style of African-American women in Essence magazine and online at Essence.com." So folks what do you think? Can Placas accurately define and dictate the unique style of African American women? I guess only time will tell. I can tell you that Vogue and ELLE certainly don't celebrate our uniqueness. Let's face it, people of color definitely have a style all their own.


Do you think Wyclef Jean would make a viable candidate for Haiti? I will always see him as a pop singer. I loved the Fugees (Fugees - Greatest Hits). He is outspoken and passionate about his beloved country but is he really capable of running a country who has been consistently been hit with tragedy and natural disaster? I am not sure he;s the best candidate  but at this point, his chances have been knocked down by the courts who are questioning his residency since he is away from Haiti so often for business.


Speaking of tragedy and natural disaster, it has been five years since Hurricane Katrina. This weekend we are going to see a lot of coverage on where they are in terms of rebuilding. Spike Lee just debuted an HBO documentary on the subject. I haven't seen it but I understand that he did a better job with the documentary on the same subject a year after it happened than the current one. Honestly, I know that it will take a long time to really rebuild the area. It is not a place I'd ever want to live, visit maybe but live never. The BP oil spill definitely did not help. The people of New Orleans seem to be resilient. They are proud and strong. Hopefully, time will heal all wounds. In addition to rebuilding, there is much to do about education and economic development.

Okay so this is kinda long. This is my forum and I don't want to bore you. I am going to end here though. Happy Birthday, Diva Dorna! I hope you have a wonderful birthday celebration! I love you my Favorite sista-friend. Thanks for being there for me through whatever!

Satan is so busy folks. I hope when you think of me that you will lift me in prayer. Life keeps trying to give me lemons...I am a survivor so I am making lemonade, lemon bars, and lemon cake. Seriously though, Satan is a lair and he has come to steal kill and destroy. Let us all purpose in our hearts not to allow him to be successful. God is Our Victory and we need to stand through His power. Till next time, I wish you peace.

Copyright August 26, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe

Faith-Do You Have It?

Has anyone ever wondered why some people have faith and others don't? I wonder it all the time. I grew up in the church and I have a strong faith based foundation. God really has never failed me so I put my trust in Him. Please don't think I am perfect and that my faith doesn't waiver...it does from time to time. Honestly , my experience is that the promises of God are true.

When trouble comes and finds me, as it usually does, I meditate on it for a while and then I let God do what He does. I have my own preconceived notions about how I'd like Him to move in situations and He never quite does it in the manner I expect. He does, however, always work in His time and His way. There is an old hymn that goes, "on Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand." I sing that verse to myself often because you really can't count on your spouse, your friends, or family 100% of the time but you can trust God to do and be all that He promises to be.  It took me becoming an adult to appreciate the truth and wisdom of that hymn.

I am currently out of fellowship and I feel more and more guilty about it on a daily basis. Being out of fellowship is one thing but being out of relationship is another. Despite not having a church to call home, I still pray and read my Bible and do devotions regularly. I love the Lord and I trust His plan for my life. He has blown my mind in countless ways as I go through this life's journey. God will find a way to humble you and let you know that He is in control and you are just a vessel  that He placed here to do His will. I know that some problems have worked out not because of my fleshly efforts but because I put my trust in Him to work things out. So most nights, I sleep peacefully and without anxiety or fear. I know He's in control, not me. We should all be thankful for that.

I encourage you to step out of your box and trust God with all of your stuff for just one day and see what happens. It is so wonderful not to feel burden by life's problems. Once you try one day, try another. If you stumble and become self reliant, God offers second and third( and infinite) chances. We are all works in progress. All it takes is the faith of a mustard seed. FYI-mustard seeds are really tiny. Should you need an account of how faithful God really is, read Hebrews 11. (Check out www.biblegateway.com). Till next time, I will be praying for you to increase your faith an I hope you will do the same for me! Ciao!

Copyright August 23, 2010 by Pamela Cole Thorpe