I am Who I Am

Someone asked me to define who I was. You know, it really isn't a difficult task  for me. I am in my fabulous forties and I am more than comfortable in my own skin. I am very self aware and I want to be the best(pick a role) _________ that I can be. I want to also constantly evolve and to always be whole, not damaged by the circumstances of my past. I think I am consistent in my character and if you know me, what you see is what you get. Well, not really, like most people, I am complicated but my essence, my core, is consistent.

Pamela, that is me. I have so many roles but that is not what I'm defining. People, remember you are not defined by what you do. That is a lesson that should be learned really early on. It is sad to see someone struggle to define them self when they can't tell you what they do. Your job tells me nothing about who you are as a person. It is easy to put a laundry list of roles out there but that gives no indication of your character or integrity.

So here goes. Pamela is a grown woman. I love the Lord. I am a sinner saved by grace who is trying to improve spiritually each and every day. I am not preachy but I try to live a life walking in faith that God will do everything that He promises in His Word. I don't understand everything He does but I trust that it will all work out for good. I am trying to raise my children to stand on and rest in His promises.

I love to laugh and make people laugh. I love to feed people. I love to cook. Right now, I am not in a space to be the hospitable person I used to be. It bothers me to some extent. I love people. I am loyal to my friends. I have high expectations of them too. I am opinionated. I have learned to be more tactful than I was in my twenties. I dispense advice and I try to be as politically correct as possible. I am deliberate in trying to do the right thing. I love hard and I  expect to be loved hard and with fierce loyalty. My moral integrity is pretty high. I don't do things to people that I wouldn't want done to me. I hate violence and malicious nastiness.  SN: if I have ever hurt you, it wasn't intentional. Accept my sincere apology.

I HATE liars. Honesty is the best policy even though truth often hurts. I'd prefer you tell me nothing rather than lie to me. I am an extrovert and I have a very discerning spirit. I value my family. No matter what happens, it really is all you have. Despite dysfunction and everything, a family should be able to come together and put their differences aside. There is a reason we are not supposed to go to bed angry and that we are supposed to forgive others. I believe that we need to go back to the concept of it taking a village to raise a child. We need to stop being self contained and reach out to others.

I used to trust easily but now I have had enough life experience that I am a tad more cynical. I say what I have to say and I move on. I don't hold grudges. Life really is too short to sweat the small stuff. God chooses to forget our offenses and we should do the same. I believe in the sanctity of marriage. I'd never cheat on my husband and am not pleased by those who do.

I am a procrastinator but it works for me and I always get what  need to get done by the deadline. Drives my husband crazy! I will put off unpleasant interactions especially if I know what I have to say is going to be detrimental or something that can't be recovered from. See, the truth really does hurt. I don't use people and I have a really hard time asking for help. I am a survivor, not of any disease r illness but by nature. I bounce back. I don't worry and I don't stress. I like my sleep, I only tend to get 6.5 hours or so a night so I can't let Satan keep me from the refreshing rest God has set aside for me. You know God does His best ministry in the quiet of night.

My love language is acts of service. Yes, it really does bless my heart if you do something for me. I love cards and I get ticked off if I receive one that does not match the relationship that we have.  I am proud of my heritage but I am not an authority on all things African American. I am extremely literate and have an excellent grasp of the King's English though I will use slang and even Ebonics from time to time. I am down to earth with a flair for some things trendy and all things nice. If you are going to do something do it right. Don't half step on your commitments and don't be cheap with your friends. Don't be selfish with your time, talent or gifts.  Change your words, you can change your destiny. If you can't change your words, change your thoughts. Most of all, prayer changes everything. We should all have scars on our knees, not our tongues. I am a positive individual who believes all things get better and the glass is always half full. So that's it. I think I covered the gamut. In the famous words of Popeye, "I AM WHO I AM!" Love me or leave me. Don't take me for granted!

Copyright by Pamela Cole Thorpe on October 22, 2010