We all know that there is an age old controversy between Stay At Home Moms(SAHMs) and working moms. I have been on both sides of the coin and let's suffice it to say that both love their children and want them to be successful. Women are always going to do what they have to do. We are like that. So what is this post about? Well, I am annoyed that folks think that SAHMs should not utilize services that make their lives simpler.
I recently began on-line grocery shopping. It is an awesome service, especially if, like me, you get caught up in the deals the store is offering despite the fact that the items are not on your original list. It is also good for women whose children lose their minds(fight, beg, and whine) while shopping with mom. For me, it saves money and time. You submit your list, they shop, and bring it to your car ar a specified time for little or no cost. They will make substitutions if they are out of your requested brand. Substitutions are usually bigger or better than your request. Don't get me wrong, I still enter a grocery store(or Target/Wal-Mart) for some items, but for the bulk of my groceries, I leave it to the store shopper.
I was talking to my brother when I went to pick up my groceries. He was tripping and in a state of disbelief, that I, a woman who doesn't work, would take advantage of such a convenience. In fact, he said that was going to make him post a blog. I laughed as he made fun of me but it got me to thinking about how often that train of thought rears its ugly head. Why should I feel guilty for wanting my life to be unemcumbered because I don't work? I still take care of home, volunteer at the children's school, have a side hustle, and participate in weekly activities. Sometimes, I believe I am busier now than I was when I was employed. Shoot I know I am. I enjoy it and I take it all in stride. Last week, one of my friends said, "every woman needs a wife." A collective nod from all the women was immediate. She was not speaking in sexual terms for you crazies out there. LOL!
So what do you think? Do you believe that just because a woman is a SAHM that she should do her own grocery shopping? What about SAHMs who have maid service? Are we deserving of these things? Is there a perception that we have so much time on our hands that we still need to be superwomen? I know my brother is not the only one with this thought pattern. My husband has on occasion said to me, "You don't work, that's why you can do it!" or he will respond to a request that he's not doing it "because I work and you don't" even when he clearly as time on his hands to help a sista out. I so want to drop kick him for his insensitivity but I know my worth. I know that without me, working or being at home, things would fall apart and folks would not get where they are supposed to be, nor would our house/clothes be clean, or anything else get done for that matter.
I am not ashamed to admit that I like making my life less complicated, despite being at home. We all deserve some perks whether we work or not. Me doing my own grocery shopping doesn't validate me or my experience as a SAHM. Time is valuable no matter who you are and it should be spent wisely. Am I wrong for that? Share your opinions because I really am curious. Till next time, Ciao!
Copyright on October 1, 2009 by Pamela Cole Thorpe
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You know me and my BF was just discussing this subject today during out jog in the park. And for lack of better words, it really pisses me off that that often times our hard work goes unnoticed and is very much unappreciated. Both of us recently being laid off and being at home has really taken a tole on our marraiges simply because we find these men folk wanna milk us for all it's worth. We are seeking employement not because we necessarily have to but because we want to get out of the damn house just to catch a break and get some peace. Peace should be able to be attained at home, but what do we know. When at home they want you to do everything and when you work they still want you to do everthing! In both worlds women get the short end of the stick. I mean WTF these men want from women. Then they have the nerve to want our asses served up on a silver platter in the bedroom. WHATEVER! So damn tired of being sick and tired.
ReplyDeleteAs for the online shopping I say "what does it matter?" At work or as a Stay at Home Mom, I hate grocery store shopping period. Not my cup of tea. I have in the past used online shopping for groceries and it was wonderful. I really don't see the big deal. Personally, I really think it all comes down to husbands wanting to dictate how we spend our time and this is not ok. In either situation, because Moms have so much on their plate however, and whenever, we can catch a break - it should be taken advantage of. LOL
I agree with you 100%. Women work at home and women work at work.
ReplyDeleteYour blog is a perfect example of things gone awry in society. SAHMs/Women period deserve a freakin' break. The reality is unless a woman is extremely wealthy, women are EXPECTED to handle everything that comes their way, look good doing it and yes set the ass out at a moment's notice. I'm all about simplifying my life, because whenever a man enters it, it's complicated and cluttered.
ReplyDeleteWhat really irks me is men EXPECTING their wives to work. Yes, the woman's movement says woman can and do want to work, but why should we have to? This is politically incorrect, but I want men to STOP WHINING ABOUT DOING THEIR FREAKIN' JOB. Hell, you don't have to do anything else it is your JOB to provide, protect and cherish. So, dammit, do your jobs and if your wife can help, it's all gravy, but live within the means YOU can provide.
I'll jump down off my soapbox now.
I straddle the fence on this topic...I have never been on "the other" side of the table. I am a working mother and I feel like I don't have enough hours in my day to do all the things I would LOVE to do with my children.
ReplyDeleteWhen is comes to grocery shopping...do what you feel. If the service is offered and you want to utilize it, then utilize it.
I am a firm believer that working women have it harder than SAHMs...because we have to work 45-50 hrs a week and still find the time to do everything to take care of the home (i.e. cooking, cleaning and grocery shopping (lol))...what usually suffers is the time with the children. I am always ruching in the house getting dinner ready and preparing for the next day. On my days off, I am swampped with cleaning and doing laundry. So many things happen at the school, that I miss...because I am at work. I have thought about getting a maid to "deep" clean my house at least twice a month...just trying to work it in the budget.
I was speaking to someone at work, who had to hire someone to drive her kids to all of the different practices and activities they have after school...because she doesnt have the time.
So do I think life of a SAHM any easier than a working mom is any easier...not really. I just think their "work" is more rewarding...because their family becomes their work...while the working mom has to balance her work and her family!
I kind of contradicted myself a little...by harder I meant to say that they have to try and balance to two lives that they are leading...
ReplyDeleteThen in the next breath I said SAHM don't have it any easier...LOL!!
Stephanie get your thoughts together!! LMAO!!
Well this is my first post to your site. Cuz I don't have a problem with SAHM doing things to better their lives, but to say that you are to busy. I am not buying it. I would have taken it better if like Jai you don't like to shop. I am working two jobs, attending school functions, taking classes, serving it up and GROCERY SHOPPING. SAHMs are valuable and important. But grocery shopping is one of the fundmentals SAHM do.
ReplyDeleteTracy
I am loving all the comentary. Who defined exactly what was fundamental for a SAHM to do? What I said is that it saves time and money for me. I later said that I am busier now than I was as a working woman but I did NOT say that I was too busy to shop. Major grocery shopping is done on-line but I still grace grocery stores(wal-Mart, Target, and JCPenney's too) with my presence. The issue is whether or not SAHMs should benefit from the modern conveniences simply becasue they are at home.
ReplyDeletePam, this is your friend from Missouri. So sorry I missed all of the commentary on this particular blog. I am days late. I know you understand given what I've been going through the past few weeks. I could not resist the urge to comment. You know I believe that women regardless of whether they work or at SAHM reserve the right to use any conveniences that they choose to make their lives simpler. You do what you have to do for you. We all have a story, and unique circumstances no one taking precedence or being more important than another. Some of us may struggle more than others, but the point is.....we all face challenges in one way or another. We are all busy, and yes it is possible for a SAHM to be just as busy as a Working Mom. How would you know if you have never experienced both sides? I have, so I speak from experience. It's a different kind of busy, and we all make time for the things that must be done. Mom's pick and choose daily what the priorities will be for that day. So hats off to all mom's everywhere. Our plates are full most days but still we rise.
ReplyDelete