Monday, June 22, 2015

Double Duty Cuties

Yesterday was Father's Day. A day we celebrate the men who contribute to a child coming into the world.  As I perused Facebook, it made my heart glad to see the number of fathers actively involved in the lives of their children.  That's a beautiful thing. It's also the right thing.  Fathers should be actively involved  in their childrens' lives-physically, emotionally, and financially.As I continued to peruse social media, I also saw various postings about mothers who wanted to be celebrated in the absence of the father, and postings about  how those women are not fathers.  Don't we just love social media.

As a child, I was raised by a single mother who did a damn good job, I can clearly state, she was not my father, nor was she a father figure. My father wasn't absent but he was barely active. So while I knew that I was very loved  by him, he failed to show me the things daughters need their fathers to show them. I am thankful that  I had a grandfather who filled a lot of that void.God always gives you what you need.

The bottom line is this. Single parenting is not a new thing. Most mothers will do what they need to do for their children, especially in the absence of  a father. A good mother will not bad mouth the father to their kids. They don't have to, because eventually they will see what kind of man he is and whether or not he has any character. Children don't need presents, they need his presence. I don't agree with or condone women who don't  allow men to interact with their children because he isn't paying child support. What I do loathe is a father who has access and opportunity to his children and fails to take full advantage that opportunity. Those trifling men do exist. Sadly, they lose out on a chance to impact their children's lives in  great ways and small. 

Women are nurturers by nature and for, that reason, they will  always try to fill a void. Women often have to do double duty for their children in the absence of the father and I know it is not easy. Some men put the women in that position, others make the choice unwisely. God is the Ultimate Father and refers to himself in the male gender. Women are not males thus no Father's Day celebration for you. You deserve praise for holding it down and handling your business (and his). Mother's Day is for you. Your kids will eventually recognize the sacrifices  you made and  the  hard work it took to  do everything to make their  lives as  normal and  successful as  possible. Be content with the fact that you are a double duty cutie. Just as God provides, He sees all and knows all. He specifically knows what you can handle and with prayer and probably a little help from friends,  you and your children will be all right. 

I end  with this quote from Jan Ambu: Being a father is a choice, Staying true to fatherhood is a   
duty. 

In Diva Love,

Pam

Thursday, June 4, 2015

Just the Emotions

In six days, my oldest child will graduate from high school. While she has had Senioritus, pretty much all year, her excitement level has reached a whole new level. For me, it's bittersweet. Since my blog is my therapy, I just need to express the range of emotions that I am feeling today. 

I am proud of the woman she's becoming. I am anticipating the impact that she will have on her piece of the world. I am reluctant to turn my firstborn loose. I have prepared her well but life still has away of issuing out tough experiences. I am happy to see that she is independent, strong, full of passion with just the right amount of cynicism. I am saddened  by how quickly time flies. I am losing a person that I have shaped and molded for the past 17 years, a TV/Netflix watching buddy, an eating/sleeping machine, and an incredible ball of moody/hormonal energy.  This Fall,my house will significantly quieter but as she is learning who she is, I will be learning to define myself  in her absence. Stay tuned for  the progression. It's time to watch the Cavs whip the Warriors. Peace!


In Diva Love,

Pam

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Keep Calm, It's My 47th Birthday

I  woke up this morning feeling extremely blessed. I was thankful for  another year of life and a chance to be better and  do better in the year ahead. When I  reflect on the past year and a half, I can clearly see that despite the pitfalls and snares the enemy threw at me, God's Hand always prevailed and He brought me every step of the way. I realized that I feel lighter and have a ton of peace and joy. While I definitely have reason to be angry and even bitter, there is absolutely no reason to allow the  negativity a place in my blessed life. 

I know that I am still in the midst of a valley experience but as the  minister said in a sermon a couple weeks ago, the experience is to prepare me for the blessings that God has in store for me. I need to be ready so that I don't destroy the blessings. The  season is long and it often is painful but my faith has to be strong and it has to be enough to sustain me.  Don't be confused, I have wavered and questioned God on many occasions but I must confess. every single time, I have a brief faith crisis, He has shown up and shown out. Sometimes, I didn't even know I needed His Sovereign protection or guidance.



As I look to the  future, I look with hope and faith. My dreams and goals are huge. My capacity to love is great. My heart is grateful for every trial and tribulation, every smile, every tear, and accomplishment and even every setback.  Life experience is priceless. You are sum of every experience.  I know I am loved and I know my worth. I am flawed but I remain unapologetically me. To the year ahead, I say, "Bring it! God and I got this!"  Raising  my wine glass, I say, "Happy Birthday to me-a fabulous woman, living life to the fullest, no regrets! " Just as my earthly daddy would tell me to do, if he were still here. Cheers to a fantastic 48!

In Diva Love,

Pam